EroticReverie

  I took my time getting ready, I put on a lilac colored romper, with a pair of tan strappy heeled shoes. I knew I didn’t need to wear heels in the house. But I also knew I liked doing whatever I could to entice my brother. 

I took the time to do my makeup and my hair. I blow dried and curled it, and then put half of it up. After finishing I applied a thick coat of clear lip gloss to my lips and stood up and checked myself out in the mirror. I grabbed my phone from my night stand and as I walked down the hallway I saw my brother had texted me. 

“Trevor is coming over. To “talk” “ he typed. I groaned and as I walked down the stairs I could hear Trevor’s voice and my brothers coming from the dining room area. He must’ve showed up while I was blow drying my hair, cause I never heard a car come. I inhaled deeply, and exhaled as I made my way down the rest of the stairs. 

Now I had felt silly that I had put heels on, but walked slowly into the dining room, both of them looking up. My brother smiled as they stopped talking, both of them looking at me. Both of them with a beer in front of them.

I felt awkward as neither of them said anything. Trevor just gawking , my brother just smiling at me as he took a sip from his beer.

He set the beer down on the table. “You look great.” he said. 

Trevor turned his head to my brother who didn’t seem to notice Trevor looking at him. 

“Thanks.” I blushed, but looked back to Trevor who was sitting at the table looking confused.

“Yeah…..this is weird.” Trevor said. 

My brother finally turned his head to Trevor. “Just making an observation.” 

“Yeahhhhhh. “ Trevor said. “Sure.” he laughed slightly and picked up his beer. 

I sighed. “ I think I’m going to need one of those.” I said and turned and walked to the kitchen.  For some reason I could feel both of their eyes on me as my heels clicked across the hardwood floor and into the kitchen. 

I rolled my eyes, at how much I hated that Trevor knew. And how much I hated us for being so careless. I didn’t want to talk to Trevor about us. But I also didn’t want them talking in private about it, which I’m sure they had already begun to do, and I’m sure they’d talk again when I wasn’t around. I sighed as I popped the bottle cap off my beer and threw it in the trash and walked back to the dining room.  My brother was at the head of the table, Trevor was to his side, I sat to the other side, across from Trevor, and took a long sip of my beer. 

“So..” I said setting down my beer and shrugged, looking at Trevor. “What do you want to know?”

Trevor shrugged back. “Nothing. Your brother explained everything.” He leaned back in his chair and relaxed himself, giving me a little grin. Which made me think that maybe he knew more than I wanted him to.

I looked to my brother. “Oh?” I said. Wondering if he gave him the truth as I gave it to Stacy, or if he’d sprinkled the truth with some lies. 

My brother nodded. “I told him the truth….told him about everything. You me and Stacy. Stacy knowing. He knows everything.”

“I also know you two have been busy today” Trevor said trying to make a joke, my brother rolling his eyes.

“Man…come on” my brother said.

I said nothing.

Trevor laughed slightly. “Sorry, I thought it was funny”

My brother sighed slightly and took another sip of his beer.

“So…what…you’re okay with it? You’re not going to tell anyone?” I asked.

Trevor shook his head. “It’s your lives man… and this is my brother…” Trevor said raising his beer, gesturing towards  my brother. “I’m not telling anyone.”

“You promise?” I asked taking a sip from my beer. Trevor nodded.

 “But how do you plan on being together, forever?” Trevor asked. “People are going to find out.”

“What?” I asked, wondering what made Trevor think it was forever, and I looked to my brother who was putting his hand out towards Trevor, lowering it the table.

“Ah, ah..” my brother said, but Trevor didnt take the hint.

“I just mean…if you guys are going to be together the rest of your lives…” Trevor said. 

“What?” I asked again and looked to my brother who was now looking at me.

My brother sighed. 

Trevor looked back and forth between me and my brother as I looked at him. 

“Wait…she doesnt know?” Trevor asked. “My bad”

My brother looked to me. “All I said was that, as far as Im concerned…I’m happy. That you’re it. You’re it for me.” 

I felt my heart do back flips, I felt it race. I felt a lump in my throat and I couldn’t speak. I wanted to tell him that it was the same for me, I wanted to throw myself at him and cry out of happiness. But i didn’t want to do it  front of Trevor. I didn’t want to share anything more with Trevor. 

My brother reached for my hand, grabbing it. I couldn’t let him sit there without a response, as I saw his face grow nervous, I couldn’t let him question for a second more if I felt the same.

“You’re it too.” I said squeezing his hand, watching him smile.

“Well isn’t that cute” Trevor said, “Still weird…but…hey congrats..on..being in love…i guess” he said taking another sip of his beer. My brother and I laughing slightly at Trevors remarks.

“I don’t know how we’ll do it.” My brother said, letting go of my hand and turning to Trevor.  “I suppose at some point.. we’d have to move…where nobody knows us.”  My mind raced, and I felt a pit in my stomach, a million thoughts and problems flooded my head. I didn’t want to deal with them,I never did, and pushed them out of my head. I ignored it. I chose to focus on the fact that he wanted to be with me….forever. My heart skipped again. 

“Or we could stay here…get an apartment together…” he said. I tuned out what he was saying to Trevor as I pictured it. Us in our own place. Not having to hide from our parents, not having to worry about anyone walking in on us. Living alone with him, cooking for each other, laying on the couch cuddling, watching tv. For some reason I pictured a dog, I pictured a kid. I felt a pit in my stomach again, another million problems racing in my head. One blaring problem in my head, and bright red flashing sign in my mind, reminding me that the normal picket fence life wasn’t possible. Sure we could have the dog. But we couldn’t have the kid. I wasn’t even sure I wanted a kid ever, but thinking about it now, and knowing I couldn’t have one…with him…made me sad. I pushed the thought out of my head and tuned back into the conversation.

“We’ll figure it out.” my brother said. I nodded in agreement and Trevor took another sip of his beer.

“This might be none of my business…but….” he looked to me. “You’re on birth control right? …I hope?” he said. 

I’d already had the same discussion with Stacy when we had talked. she already knew I was on it, ever since I was 15. I confirmed to Trevor, just as I did with her, that I was indeed taking my birth control.

“Religiously.” I said. My brother nodded. And the thoughts of not being able to have a child with him invaded my head again. I pushed them back out. 

“That’s just one thing I’m not sure I’d be able to support you on bro…” he said looking to my brother. 

My brother nodded. “No.. I know… I think we can ALL agree…that’s….too much”

I nodded. I felt myself wanting to break down. Of course I didn’t want to have a child born out of incest, and it’s not something I think I could ever justify. But, it broke my heart, that I loved him so much, and that because of who he was, that I couldn’t have that with him. The conversation was harder for me than I had expected it to be. And it was foolish of me to think I’d never had to deal with the weight of what we had gotten ourselves into. 

I fought back the urge to cry and just sipped more of my beer. 

“I’ll be right back… I’ve gotta piss” Trevor said standing up and bringing his empty beer to the kitchen, walking through the house to the bathroom.

“You okay?” my brother asked reaching for my hand and holding it again. I nodded. 

“You sure?” he asked. I nodded again.

“Positive?” He asked a third time, because he knew better , and he saw my eyes water. 

“We won’t be able to have a family.” I said quietly. My voice cracking as I continued to fight from crying. 

My brother immediately pulled his chair right up to me and grabbed my face. 

“Hey. Hey…” he said making me look him in the eyes. “Don’t think about that right now…” I couldn’t help but let a tear roll down my cheek, and I felt stupid, crying about not being able to have a baby with my brother. The tears began to flow. I couldn’t stop them. I was angry at myself. Angry at him. Angry at everything. How did it come to this? How did we let it get this far, to where we were talking about forever, talking about moving in together. I felt like a fool and had started to sob, my brother holding me. I could hear Trevor coming back and could feel my brothers hand waving him away as he walked back into the room. I cried harder, and felt even more dumb knowing that Trevor knew I was crying. 

I heard his footsteps walk away and out our back door.

I let my brother lift my head from his shoulder as he stared at me, and I knew he didn’t know what to say. 

“I’m sorry” he said. “I love you…” he said. “I really….really…love you…” he said and kissed me and then used his thumbs to wipe my tears as I continued to cry, trying to stop myself, as my lip trembled. 

“Baaaaabe” he said. “Stop crying…please….” he said kissing my cheek as he still held my face , looking at me. “I love you so much, please stop crying” 

I threw my arms around his neck, crying, he wrapped his arms around me pulling me into his lap. 

“I’m so sorry.” he said as he rocked me, and I felt like a giant, blubbering baby. I was pretty sure he’d already accepted it. I’m sure he dealt with the thoughts that came to him, as they came, he didn’t suppress them like I did, and it was my fault for not letting him talk about them with me. I hated hearing him bring up actual issues with our relationship of future problems.

“It’s not your fault.” I sniffled, trying to stop crying still. 

“Well, I know it’s not…but I’m sorry that you’re sad… I don’t want you to be sad” he said and I sat up straight and sniffled, some tears still running my cheeks. 

“I just wish we could be a normal couple…do normal things…and be able to think about a normal future…” I said. 

He nodded. “I know….” he said trying to comfort me, but also being realistic, and not babying me too much. He knew I needed to start facing things. “But were not normal….we’re never going to be…I wish it too…but…wishing for it…is going to make it harder to accept that’s it not going to happen…we can’t have everything….not like this. “ he said. 

I nodded and sniffled again. 

“You make me want to give you everything…” he said, and his words filled a tiny part of the hole that was ripping apart my heart. 

“And I’ll give you everything you want…that I can…always…I’ll make it up to you, i’ll make up for the normal things we can’t have….I promise” he said softly and pushed his forehead against mine. “I love you” he said again. “You hear me?” he said with a little smile as he nudged his nose against mine. I smiled partly , forcing it and nodded. 

“I love you too…” I squeaked, my voice still cracking as I fought crying still;. He smiled.  “And i’ll give you everything you want too.” I said , watching him smile.

“I already have what I want. “ he said wrapping his arms tighter around me. “Ive got you…” he said. And then gestured to the brown bottle on the table. “ and a beer!” he said trying to make a joke, and it worked. I laughed slightly and wrapped my arms around him again, hugging him. 

“I love you so much” I said. 

His hand stroked my hair, and he leaned back and kissed my forehead. “I love you too”

He held me for a moment and then I felt his hand stop on my back.

“I think you freaked Trevor out… he’s probably outside crying now too.” he said joking.

I laughed and sat up and wiped my face. 

“You look so hot right now” he said the back of his finger rubbing over my wet cheeks under my eyes.  “….you look like a really hot rockstar chick with this smeared eye makeup” I laughed and covered my face, forgetting how much mascara I had on, and eyeliner, and I probably looked a mess. 

“No, no..” he said grabbing my hands and lowering them. “ I could definitely get into this look….do you have any leather jackets? “ he teased and and laughed and I wiped my cheeks again. 

“ oh yeah baby…smear it” he said. I  giggled and pushed at his chest. 

“Shut up” I said and shook my head. It was unbelievable how easily  he could make me laugh when I was upset. 

“Do we still have the guitar hero game mom and dad bought you?” he asked. I laughed. “You can always put on just the leather jacket and the guitar….rawrrrrrr” he said and I laughed again.

“Oh my god…stop” I said. “Youre so stupid” and he smiled wide and kissed my cheek. 

“Why don’t you go wash your face” he said kissing the tip of my nose and I scrunched my face with a smile. 

“I’ll go wipe Trevors tears while you do.” he said with a laugh and I shook my head. 

“Ha HA” I said sarcastically and stood up, and he gave me a little pat on my butt as I walked away, and heard him go out onto the back deck through the back door as I walked up the stairs. 

I couldn’t help but think about it again as I washed my face, looking in the mirror. All of the things we’d have to work around, all of the things we couldn’t do, couldn’t have if we stayed together. Together. I repeated the word in my head, and thought about how strange it was, I considered me and my brother “together”. I rinsed my face and grabbed a towel, patting it dry and stared at myself in the mirror.  I was a “lesbian” with a girlfriend , well, that was currently something I was unsure of, but I had a girlfriend….and a boyfriend…and my boyfriend…was my brother. I shook my head at myself in the mirror and let out a deep sigh. I started to think about Stacy, wondering how she’d feel knowing that I had absolutely no plans of ever not being with my brother. I wondered if she thought eventually we’d stop. That eventually I’d be just hers again. I didn’t want to give her up. I cared about her. And I’d never admit it to her, but. I’d choose him first. Always. I’m sure she knew that, and I’m sure that’s one of the reasons it had upset her so much. I sighed again and tossed the towel onto the top of the sink and looked at my eyes, still red from crying. 

“Augh” I said to myself. “You’re so stupid.” I rolled my eyes at myself and left the bathroom and walked back down stairs. 

Trevor and my brother were waiting , standing in the kitchen. 

Trevor gave  a smile , the kind you give when you pass a stranger trying to be polite. I  laughed internally, wondering how scared he was to not say something that might send me into another fit of tears. 

“Just wanted to say I appreciate you guys talking to me..” Trevor said. “And I know how hard it probably is for you guys…having to hide it….so…you don’t have to hide it around me…or act different around me…I know you dont get to act like a couple around people…so if it helps…you guys can just…always act however you want around me…if it helps you feel…” Trevor trailed off, and I was shocked at the words coming from him mouth, mainly because he was kind of a douche normally. But he was trying to be kind, for my brother, for me. 

“Normal?” I asked. 

Trevor nodded and pointed. “Yeah…normal” 

“Well I appreciate it…and appreciate you not freaking out…and not telling anyone.” I said. 

Trevor nodded. “Yeah…well…” he looked around. “Im going to go now…I’ll see you guys later?” Trevor looked to my brother. 

“Yeah, maybe…I’ll talk to her…see what she wants to do..” my brother said regarding me, and walked with Trevor to the door and we both waved to Trevor as he said goodbye and left.

My brother closed the door and turned around with a sigh. 

“Today …is….exhausting…” he said. 

“Yeah…” I said as he walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me. 

I wrapped mine around him and we stood there holding each other. 

“So what did you have planned for later?” I asked him. 

“Oh..” he said. “ A group of them are going to The Jungle for 18 and over night, he wanted to know if we wanted to go, they’re having an 80′s theme night or something. “

I shrugged. “Could be fun. Did you want to go?” I asked. I’d never been, The Jungle was notorious for being two things. Trashy. But Fun. 

“I don’t care either way really. It’s something to do…but…” he said.

I sighed. “Not something we can do normally…as a couple…” I said.

He nodded. “Right.”

“I was thinking we could go, I could hang with Trevor, and you could bring Stacy. You two could basically have the entire time to yourselves. Not like I can dance with you there. “ he said.

“Yeah, I guess not.” I said. 

“I doubt Stacy will want to go.” I said. 

“Well she doesnt have to…just a suggestion.” he said.

I shrugged. “I’ll ask her.”

He nodded. “Ok good.”

I looked at him. “Are you sure you’re okay with me still being with Stacy?…I mean…if she doesnt break up with me…” I said. 

He nodded. 

“I mean…” he said. “If I had the option to have you all to myself, would I take it….yes…but…you were with Stacy before we started this….and if im being 100% honest…it’s pretty hot…” he said with a smirk.

I laughed. 

“Plus I’m not sure how much longer I can keep up with your sexual appetite…” he teased. “I need her to help me take care of those raging hormones of yours” he said with a smile.

“Yeah..okay..it’s allllll me” I said with a laugh.

“I’m glad you agree.” he teased and I pushed my hand at his chest and backed up.

He laughed and grabbed my waist and pulled me back in to him and smiled down at me. 

“Your hair looks really pretty.” he said. His hands twirling one of the curls in his fingers. 

“Thanks” I said batting my eyelashes and throwing my head my slightly. He laughed. 

“So what do you want to do until later pretty lady?” he asked putting his hands on my waist. 

“Well if it’s 80′s night…we cant show up looking like amateurs…we need to get outfits.” I said, and he laughed and nodded.

“Okay, alright. Where do we buy 80′s clothes?” he asked.

“The thrift store.” I said. 

He made a face and scrunched his face. “Those places smell funny”

I laughed. “YOU smell funny.”

He scoffed and pretended to be offended. “I just showered..Ma’am!” he said and stepped back. 

I laughed and walked over to the table grabbing my phone and my purse from the table near the door. 

“Let’s go” I said. 

“Geeze, right this second?” he said grabbing his phone too and throwing on his sneakers. 

“I don’t have all day!” I said pretending to be impatient. 

“Yes ma’am” He said tying his laces and then standing up straight and walking towards me at the door. “So bossy” he said and we laughed stepping out the front door.  He locked it behind us, and hurried past me to get to the car and open my door for me. 

I smiled and nodded. “Why thank you sir” I said getting in. 

“you’re welcome miss” he said closing the door gently and walking around the car and getting in the driver side. 

As we drove, he drove past the nearest thrift shop.

“You just passed it.” I said. 

He shook his head. “We can go to the one in Alba” he said. 

“Alba is like 45 minutes away…” I said. 

“I  know…we can go to dinner after at that little Italian place” he said. 

I smiled.  “ooooo…another date? “ I asked clasping my hands together excitedly.

“mmmhmm” he said. 

As we talked along the drive, Stacy had texted me. I told her about The Jungle. She had agreed to go after I pretty much begged her to. 

“Can Stacy come back to our house after Jungle?” I asked my brother, before inviting her. 

“I dont care. Why are you asking me?” he asked.

“Ummm becauuuse….I want to be considerate…” I said. 

He smiled. “Well I appreciate it…but yeah, of course she can…if you want the house to yourselves I can always find something to do after.

“No.” I said looking at him. “You don’t have to do that…i mean unless you wanted to…” 

“Maybe it’d be good for you two to have a night to yourselves?” He suggested.

I made a face and thought about it. “Maybe…but…i dont know”

He shrugged. “Up to you…invite her or dont…whatever you want babe…and if you want me to find something to do if you do invite her…just let me know”

I looked at him as he drove, wondering if her really meant the things he said about not being bothered. It sucked seeing Stacy hurt, and I didn’t know if I could handle knowing I was hurting him too. 

“You wouldn’t lie to me about anything would you?” I asked.

He shook his head and looked over for a moment. “No, what do you think I’m lying about?” he asked looking back at the road, and kept looking back and forth at me and the road. 

“I just want to make sure, you’re not saying things, just to make me happy.” I said.

“Like what?” he asked.

“Like saying you’re okay with me trying to work things out with Stacy…and be with both of you.”  I said. 

He reached over and grabbed my hand. “I promise you…I’m not lying….and I promise if it does end up bothering me i’ll tell you. “ he said lifting my hand in his and kissing the back of my hand and then lowering it back down. 

“Are you sure?” I asked, catching him roll his eyes.

“Babe! Yes!” he said. And i knew I was being the type of girl they stereotype all females as. The “Are you mad at me?” type of girls, that can never believe someone isn’t mad at them. 

“Sorry!” I said. “I just want YOU to be happy TOO. It’s not just about me.”  I said and pulled my hand into my lap.

“I know babe” he said and reached back for my hand, holding it, interlocking our fingers. “And I love how many times you’ve asked me if I’m okay with it…I’m happy you give a damn,  But if you ask me again, you’re gonna drive me crazy” he said and I looked at him.

“Fiiiiine” I said. “I wont ask again……” I paused. “but you better tell me if it starts to bother you!” I added quickly. And he laughed and rolled his eyes and nodded.

“Yessssss, I will…my god…” he laughed looking over. “You’re lucky you’re cute” 

I smiled and stuck out my tongue. 

—-

We were about 15 minutes from Alba, and I was bored in the car. Stacy had stopped texting, and I was growing restless sitting still. I looked over to my brother singing along to the music blaring.  I loved watching him do anything, but he looked especially cute singing along and drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as if he was playing the drums. 

I leaned to the side, near my window and watched until he finally looked over and caught me staring at him. 

He smiled a big goofy grin and turned down the radio . “What?” he asked laughing looking back and forth between the road. 

I looked at the road, we had already gotten off the highway and were taking backroads through one town, to get to Alba. 

“Pull over.” I said. 

He laughed at the look I was giving him. “What?” 

“PULL….over” I said raising my eyebrow. 

He wasn’t laughing but instead looking me up and down and looked at the roads ahead and slowed down and turned down a small dirt path on the long stretch of tree lined road we were driving down. He only parked a couple car lengths away from the main road before he turned off the car. 

“Get out of the car”  I said  opening my door, and he followed me to the front of the car. 

He was smiling as I started to pull my romper down off my shoulders. 

“Damn girl…” he said as I pushed it down, along with my panties to the ground, letting it fall in the dirt. 

“Are you serious?” he asked, unbuckling his pants and unzipping them. 

I sat on the front of his car , leaning back on my hands. “I’m naked ontop of your car, what do you think?” I asked with a smirk. 

His pants were at his ankles along with his boxers and his hand was on his dick, stroking it. 

“I think I’m about to fuck you.” he said.