EroticReverie

Skye Sterling

The next day at school I get there early, to avoid having to see Avery in the halls. 

Max isn't here today, even though she begged her mom to let her skip her dentist appointment so she could be my moral support. But really, I was fine. And I kept telling myself so as I grabbed an orange juice from the vending machines. 

I wasn't hungry. I didn't eat anything last night other than the crackers Max made me eat, and I didn't eat breakfast. I knew I should eat something, but I just still felt sick over Avery. Max had kept me company and made me laugh, and we even joked about it eventually after I'd stopped crying, but as soon as Max was gone, I'd cried again for hours. 

I'd cried again this morning too. Mostly because I'd wanted to kiss Avery since the day I saw her. And I just felt it when I was standing there with her, I just had to kiss her. I was sad that she clearly wanted it, but pushed me away. I was sad that our first kiss was ruined. I was sad that because I didn't want to take my clothes off she thought I was just messing with her. At first, on the floor that had been my intention, but once I laid my lips on her. I couldn't stop the flood of emotion and feelings that bubbled up inside me. 

I was able to release the bottled up feelings I'd had for her, then she corked the bottle right back up. And now it hurt, because now I know how good she felt. Now I know what it feels like to kiss her, and have her kiss me back, I know what it feels like to have her her hips chase my leg for the friction I wish I could give her with my hand and tongue. I'd found a way to let my feelings out, and now they were suffocated again, because Avery was ashamed of me, or of herself, or of both. 

I walk to my usual table, and sit alone, pulling out a book and opening my orange juice, and I try not to look up, because I can feel her near me, I know shes at the table she always sits at. I don't have to look up to know she's there and I can feel my pulse racing and I re read the first paragraph on the page again. Trying to focus on the words , to retain them. But my eyes are begging to be allowed to set themselves upon her. They miss her face. I miss her face. 

I look up, with my head still slightly down. My stomach drops. 

She's there and she's not in her usual seat at the table, because now she's at the end of the table on Killian Sonner's lap. 

Her long blonde hair is up in a high ponytail, her full lips smirking at Killian and then pecking his mouth as his hand runs up and down her back. My stomach sours , and my eyes burn. 

She's wearing tight black ripped jeans, and an oversized grey long sleeve crop top , that hit's just the top of her high waisted jeans. I can't stop staring as she laughs as he whispers something in her ear, nobody else around them really paying attention. 

I don't miss the movement of his hand as she turns into him a bit more on his lap and his hand slips up under her sweatshirt. I swallow hard, feeling my eyes fill with tears. 

She's erasing my kiss with his. My body against hers with his. Killian is an asshole, she doesn't even like him. She's rejected him countless times, and now she was on his lap, letting him have her. Letting him steal touches of her body. 

I look back down at my book, when my lashes lower, a tear rolls from each eye. 

When I look back up, I see her pushing his hand and giggling and then whisper something into his ear as he nods. My eyes flick to the side and I see Dakota, she's looking right at me. Her face is sad. No, it's not sad it's pitying. 

I look away, close my book, grab my orange juice and fly from the cafeteria. 

----

Avery Alexis Porter

I hear the chair skid from across the room, and see her stand up out of the corner of my eye and also see her quickly leave the cafeteria. 

Good. I think to myself. She's got the message. 

The school year is almost over and I refuse to let whatever it is that Skye thinks we have between us, complicate things. My brain is a constant back and forth, and I'm maybe fooling everyone else, just not myself.  Because even though the denial side of me is glad that she stormed off, knowing it was from seeing Killian grope me and me kiss him.  The part of me that knows it loves her, it fucking hurts, and wants to run after her. 

I grow tired of Killian's heavy petting and erection digging into my ass , so I get up play it off like I'm being a tease and go back to my seat. 

After a moment I turn my head because I can feel Dakota staring at me as she sits beside me. 

"What?" I ask brows pinched. 

"what happened after you left yesterday?" She asks quietly. 

I look around and tighten my mouth and give her a look, to let her know not to talk about the fact I was with her Avery and Max yesterday. 

"Avery..." she says.

"Nothing. Nothing happened." I say. 

"You've hurt her enough." Dakota says and I blink, looking at her. 

"Figure your shit out Avery." Dakota says, before getting up and grabbing her purse and walking off calmly. 

I look around but everyone else is talking, and Killian takes Dakota's seat and I inhale and roll my eyes as he sits down. 

He slings his arm around me and leans in. 

"We should get a hotel after prom." he says. 

I scoff and look at him with a little laugh. 

"Is that your way of asking me to prom?" I ask. 

He grins, which I'm sure he thinks is charming, since he's got a dimple. But the only dimple I like belongs to the girl who I came to three times last night and once this morning. 

"We could just skip prom and go straight to the hotel part" he winks. 

I roll my eyes and he laughs slightly. "Or we can do the prom part too, whatever." he shrugs. 

He puts his hand on my knee and then slides in between my legs and I tense, but he doesnt read my body language and keeps sliding it up. 

He grabs my inner thigh. "Be my date to prom Avery. I'll make it a night you won't forget." he says and leans in and drags his tongue over my mouth, and I want to cringe, to pull back but I let him do it, and I even return the gesture. 

"Okay" I say and he grins. 

"Hell yeah" he says and then his tongue is practically down my throat. 

Killian Sonner is not a good kisser. It's too much tongue, and too sloppy and just, no.  There's nothing good about his kiss. 

I pull back from the lewd kiss and smile. 

"alright, calm down Killian" I say as a teacher comes over and tells us to knock it off. I nod. 

"she was choking...I was helping her get it out." Killian jokes and the teacher points a finger at him. 

"Not funny Sonner, don't make me send you to the office." she says and keeps walking as the table laughs. 

Killian gets up and then Jackie , Maggie and Lyndsay squeal. 

"so you're really going to go with Killian?!" Maggie whisper yells and they all move their feet under the table, more excited than I am for sure. Because Im not excited at all. 

Not when I think about how Skye looked trying on those dresses yesterday. Not when I think of how beautiful she'll look no matter what she wears to prom.  Not when I think that Killian will not look at me on prom night the way they Skye did in the dressing room when I tried on my dress. I felt like a million bucks. I felt like I was the only girl she ever wanted to look at. Nobody ever made me feel that way. 

"Yeah" I answer the girls with a shrug. "I guess... he'll do." I say and they giggle. 

"I heard him say hotel..are you going to get a hotel with him?" Jackie whispers as they all huddle in. 

"A girls gotta get sum right?" I say casually with another shrug and they laugh.

"Totally!" Jackie says and give them a fake smile and a little laugh and then look off at nothing as they continue to talk to me, and to themselves, but I'm not listening and I find myself tired. Tired of this. Of everything. I feel a knot in my throat, and a tightening in my chest, and I know I'm breaking my own heart, and fighting against who I am, just like Skye told me before she left my room last night. 

"Don't be afraid Avery, of who you are...or what you feel."  her voice plays in my head. 

It's easy for her to say, she's fearless. She's stronger than me. She knows she is. It's not that easy to admit what I feel is real. It's not easy to tell people that you think you might be gay, when you're not even really sure. What if I just like Skye? What if I just missed being her friend? But no matter how much I keep trying to shove the idea away....it slingshots right back, smacking me in the face. I fucking love her. I've been in love with her the entire time. And treating her like shit because I couldn't and still can't stand up to the conservative friends and homophobes that I know. I don't want them to hate me. I don't want to be laughed at. I don't want to be scared. But I am scared. Even without telling them, because my secret was slowly spilling out. 

Skye knew now. Dakota knew. And I'm pretty sure Max knows now. 

Who will they tell? When will the secret spread and how fast? I feel panicky, I feel terrified. 

"Be right back." I say interrupting whatever the conversation is my friends around me are having. I grab my purse and exit the cafeteria and go to the bathroom, because I'm pretty sure , I'm going to be sick.