EroticReverie

Benny Ryan

She was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever laid my fucking eyes on. Her mangled bouquet of flowers she'd flattened with her fall only made her all that more adorable as she came down the aisle smiling nervously at the onlookers who witnessed just a taste of the adorable absurdity of a life with Ellie Riley in it. 

I saw the look on her face when I felt Stephanie's hand on my arm. It was clear she was with me. Why else would she be standing between me and the kids?  Fuck, I hated that broken look on her face. 

I waited for her, I did. Waited for her to change her mind, waited for her to at least make contact. I told her no matter what I wouldn't reach out. That I was going to let her have the clean break she wanted. I just never expected it to last seven fucking years. 

Not even hearing her voice other than in fucking voicemails I'd saved on my phone, or the few videos I have of her saved to a private email, where she's moaning my fucking name while I'm inside her. Yeah, they say you're not supposed to keep that shit when things end. But, I never really thought we ended. I'd thought we were at a break in things, that she'd eventually text me, or call me. She didn't. I gave it a year. Then gave it another, without touching or even looking at another fucking woman. I saw her first post of her with a guy that wasn't me, and decided I should let go of waiting, that she was young, she had her life to live, why would she want to settle down with an older man with two fucking kids at eighteen? I was an idiot. 

So I started dating, Id go on dates with girls over the course of a few months, until I grew bored. I wanted someone like Ellie. But also didnt. Because then, all I thought about was how, they might resemble her, or have a similar personality, but they never measured up in any single way. Nobody was her.  I'd gone and fallen for a fucking eighteen year old, fallen for my god damn niece. 

I watched my other niece Stephanie walk down the aisle, and was thankful for when she reached the altar so I had an excuse to look at the girl who I hadn't seen in seven fucking years. Other than instagram and facebook. Ellie still looked like a green eyed , young Jennifer Love Hewitt, except significantly smaller breasts, which, I didnt mind, cause hers were phenomenal as is. She was the sexiest, cutest, most beautiful fucking woman, then and now. Even more so now. She looked different, yet the same, more herself, more ...just more. 

I watched her the entire ceremony. The way she fidgeted, and I smirked to myself when her crushed flowers kept falling from her bouquet intermittently. Bringing chuckles not only to myself, but others in the church as well. 

Eventually she sat the bouquet the the floor , one of the other bridesmaids handing her theirs. 

I watched her mouth as she mouthed "thank you" to the bridesmaid behind her, and she took the opportunity of having to turn to find me. My eyes waiting on hers. Fuck, that stare went straight to my dick. And then it was gone, focused on her sister instead of me. 

----

After the ceremony , came the greetings, after, then came them leaving the church and the throwing of...cheerios? 

AH, Stephanies now husband was from England. I laughed once I got the joke.

I didnt get another glance from Ellie as the rest of the party piled into the party bus with the bride and groom, and I'd have to wait until the reception to see her again. 

 ---

I kept my distance, trying not to watch her the entire night, but both of our eyes catching throughout dinner, catching throughout the dancing.

The wedding was open bar, and many were taking full advantage, especially Ellie. 

Was it best not to talk to her? She was only in town for the wedding, what would be the point in digging up what we had, or trying to if she was leaving again? And the fact, I had a girlfriend. And I felt guilt at the fact that I'd drop her in a heart beat for Ellie. I was stuck on her, even after seven god damn years.  Those few months with her, were some of the best of my fucking life. The divorce had been coming, so I'd had no grieving period needed, Id done my due diligence in trying to make things work with Grace, so I didnt feel guilty for falling in love with the second the divorce was final. She'd ran off the same day across the fucking country anyways. I didnt owe her a period of mourning our marriage. 

I watched as Ellie held hands with my daughter Danielle who was fifteen now and at that stage where she was still insecure, and falling in love with a new boy at school or pop singer every week. It wasn't cool to have fun with adults at her age, and she was often miserable and scrolling through her phone like most kids whenever we did things together. But she was laughing and letting Ellie twirl her, letting her lift her hands up in the air as they held hands, shaking her arms trying to get her excited. I couldnt help but smile, couldnt help wishing Ellie had been there with me to raise Dani. I tried my best, but I felt bad for my kids not having a mom around. Ellie would have been a great woman for Dani to look up to. 

"Babyyyy" Stephanie whispers in my ear as we sit at the table. "Let's dance." my current girlfriend says as the song switches to a slow one. 

"That's alright" I shake my head. 

"Babyyyy, I wanna dance" she says standing and tugging my head, I swallow, because I dont want to rub my relationship in Ellie's face, regardless of the fact she never contacted me. I saw the look on her face when she saw Steph, holding onto my arm at the church. 

I let Stephanie drag me to the dance floor, and she smiled at me, wrapping her arms loosely around my neck as we slowly moved in a circle, my hands on her hips. 

"You leaving room for god between us Ben?" she teases and I smile and shake my head. 

"No, sorry" I laugh and pull her in closer.

My eyes go to the side, where now Ellie is dancing with Samuel and Danielle, all three  of them holding hands like its ring around the rosie. I smirk as I watch Ellie lift their hands slowly with the music and dramatically back down as they turn in a circle, mocking the slow , lovey lyrics as she sings along. I chuckle.

"Whos that?" Steph asks and I look back to her and she's smiling at Ellie with the kids. 

"Oh, that's their cousin, Ellie...sister of the bride." I say. Choosing to leave out the title. "love of my life". 

"Pretty girl" Steph says. 

"Yep." I say and turn my attention back to her. 

"You know who else is pretty?" I ask and lean down slightly and she smiles. 

"Who Ben?" she asks grinning.

"The girl im dancing with" I say and she giggles and kisses me on the dance floor, and I try not to think about Ellie as I kiss her back, try not to wish my hands were on Ellie's hips instead of Steph's.

"Is there someplace we can fool around?" she giggles. 

"Why dont we go find out?" i say, needing to get out of this room, because even this ballroom isn't big enough for me and Ellie to stay in it together for too long. I need to get away, I need a distraction.