EroticReverie

"Cade." I say as he carries me down the hall towards the stairs.

"Cade!" I say and he stops at the stairs. 

"What's wrong?" I ask softly as he still holds me on his hip and I lift a hand to his face.

"I can't do this Ari." he says and I frown slightly. 

"Do what baby?" I ask and I lean in and he turns his face. 

"Cade." I say. 

"talk to me" I whisper to him and he turns his face back to mine. 

He walks up the stairs, looking ahead. 

"Cade." I say and he walks faster and takes me to my room and sets me down and walks to my closet and grabs my robe and hands it to me. 

"Put something on." he says. 

I blink and take the robe. 

"I need to talk to you. And I can't....I can't focus with you naked." he says and I fight a little smile and slip the robe on and then sit on my bed. 

He sighs. 

"Baby...talk to me." I say and I know Cade. He's been difficult lately, and its nothing I can fault him for, because he can't help what he wants. Which is me. But only me. He doesnt want to share me with his brothers or father. Everytime I think he's doing better with accepting this is what I want, he has these fits. Fits that I wish I could be angry about, but I can't. I hate seeing him upset. I hate any of them being upset. If any of the other guys had barged in and tried to take me away, I'd have told them to fuck off. Well.. not Asher. 

But with Cade, it wasn't because I was consumed by him. Asher could ask me to do back flips with flames shooting from my tits, and I'd find a way to make it happen. Just because I was crazy stupid in love with him. I was in love with Cade too, all of them. But Cade was the most sensitive. That being sensitive, also meant that he was kind of a dick sometimes when he didn't get his way. 

It was dangerous to be in love with four different men. There were too many moods, too many egos, too many feelings to consider. It honestly stressed me out a lot the past month, as we all grew stir crazy being stuck up here on the mountain, unable to get away from each other, other than going to our rooms or the other end of the house, or a different floor. 

"Baby" I say again softly and he looks at me. 

"I can't do this anymore." he says. 

"I can't share you. I fucking love you Ari. And if Asher really loved you like he says he does, he wouldnt want to share you either." he says and I feel like I've been physically slapped. 

"Be very careful with what you're saying Cade, cause I can be patient with you...I can sit here and talk to you...and listen to you...but I wont have you tell me anything about me and Asher. You wanna talk about you and me...fine. Leave the others out of it, and don't fucking speak for them about their feelings for me." I say, feeling my throat tighten. 

"how dare you" I say as a tear slips. 

"You know it's true." he says and I stand up and I slap him. 

I slap Cade right across his face. 

"You fucking asshole" I say as I shove at him and then slap him again and he grabs my face to kiss me and I jerk my head to the side and shove him, pushing at his chest as he keeps trying to kiss me. 

"You have no idea! No idea what you're talking about!" I yell at him. 

"I know that if a man truly loved you, like i do, he wouldnt let his brothers and father fuck you" he bites out with a clear tone of bitter resentment towards me.

"And I wouldnt whore you out to my tattoo buddy and let him taste you!" he says and I pull away and haul of and smack him again. 

"So im a whore?! I'm a whore now!?" I scream and angry hot tears fall from my eyes. 

"You let him treat you like one!" he yells and I shake my head. 

"You are such a fucking bastard."  I say. "Get out." 

"no." he says and steps closer. 

"get out!" I scream my voice cracking.

"I'm not leaving till-" 

"If you dont leave right now...I swear to god." I warn him. 

"What? You'll go back down there to your tag team and have them come up and remove me?" he grits his teeth. 

He's never. Ever been so fucking hurtful, and I just break down, full on sobbing and his face breaks. 

"Ari" he says.  He lifts his hands and pulls at his hair. 

"You make me crazy" he says. "I'd never share you...ever" 

"Asher respects me. What he "does" to me....you know...WHORE me out...is because I let him. Because he knows. I love him. He knows me. He knows that at the end of the day, I love all fucking four of you, and he'd never, never fucking ask me to choose. He'd never try to make YOU look bad just so he could have me to himself. " I say and he looks at me, and I can only hope my words are sinking in, but at this point, when it's come to this, I can't believe that there's any hope to reach Cade. To make him understand. 

"I won't ask you to share me Cade...you either will...or you wont...that's up to you...your brothers....Reed...they not something you get to negotiate. I won't negotiate or compromise the men I love. My fucking family" I  say my voice cracking and I see his face fall. 

"I need you...even if you're being a fucking prick...I need you....I can't ask you to be okay with it...I'm not going to expect when there's five people we're all on the exact same path, or moving in the same direction, or at the same pace. And I dont expect it to be easy...but I expect it to be fair....and you're not being fair."

"so youre the only one that gets to be selfish?" he asks and I clench my jaw. 

"You were just pretty selfish a few minutes ago, dragging me out of the bedroom, were you not?" I ask. 

"You were selfish when I let you keep in my room for days, fucking me, making love to me, letting you keep me from the others." I say. 

"You were selfish when you just tried to belittle what me and Asher have, just because it's not what YOU would want if you were him." I say. 

"We're all fucking selfish at times. But ive been nothing but honest with you....and the others. I've never lied about what I want. I've been confused. I've been so fucking confused about how it will all work out, or what happens later. But I've never lied about being confused. Ive never fucking lied to you, so you dont get to fucking say this shit Cade....you dont get to call me selfish when I've told you everyday what I want!" I say and he starts to speak but I keep going. 

"I'm not going to beg you to share me if you don't want to, but what I want hasn't changed. I want all of you. Not just Asher. Not just you. All of you. I fucking love you." I say and he grabs me and I pull my arm away. 

"dont" I cry and he grabs me again gently and pulls me to him. Holding me against his chest. 

"I'm not built like them Ari." he says quietly and wraps his arms around me. 

"Okay but....I dont know what we do about that" I say sniffling and look up at him. 

"theres nothing to do." he says and lifts his hand to my face.

"you're right. about everything." he says. 

"I'm selfish too. and I dont understand Asher. or the other two. How they can be okay with it. At first I was fine, because I knew you and Asher would end up together. But then well, you and me...there was something more eventually. " he says and I nod. 

"And once I felt it...I didnt want you making anyone else feel that way. I wanted to be the only one who got to feel that way. I wanted all of you. Every piece of you. " he says. 

"What I feel for them, doesnt make what I feel for you any less Cade" I say.

He nods. 

"I believe you...but...I'm not them....I can't do it baby" he says and holds my face and leans down, putting his forehead to mine. 

"I just can't." he says. 

"So...what?" I say and grab his shirt. 

"you're just...done with me?" I ask, a part of my heart breaking.

"With this...yes." he says. "I have to be. Look at me baby...look what it makes me turn into...I'm so fucking pissed everyday, jealous.  I'm saying shitty things, and....it's not me.  This isn't me." he says and starts to cry. 

I wrap my arms around him. 

"I don't want you give me up" I say my voice shaking.  "Please" 

"I'm being selfish....I can't lose you." I say. He strokes my hair and kisses the top of my head. 

"I need to fall out of love with you Ari." he says and I feel like I'm punch in the cut as I almost crumple to the floor. 

"no" I cry.

"I have to, I can't live like this." he says. 

"I'm going fucking insane Ari." he says and wraps me in his arms. 

"I wont stop loving you, not ever. But...I need to step away from this. I can't keep loving you this way. Cause it's fucking killing me" he says and I bury my face in his chest. 

"But i love you" I plead. "dont...please" I beg.

"I'm gonna go stay somewhere else for a bit." he say and I clutch his shirt  at his back and shake my head. 

"no" I cry. 

"I'm begging you to not make this hard for me Ari...please. If you ask me to stay, you're killing me baby" he says and I sob. 

"I'm so sorry" I choke out. 

"Me too baby" he says and hugs me tight. 

"Where are you going to go?" I ask and just hold my cheek to his chest. 

"Nearby, not far, just...for the rest of winter, maybe a bit longer." he says and I try my hardest not to keep crying. 

"when?" I ask lifting my head and looking up at him and his hands cup my cheeks. 

"now. I already packed a bad of things. Some supplies."  he says and I feel my lower lip tremble.

"baby.." he says softly and his thumb stills my quivering bottom lip. 

"Make love to me" I say. 

"Ari." he says. 

"Please" I beg. 

"I promise ill let you go...just...please...if I cant have you....please...im selfish...im being selfish....and im begging you Cade...make love to me again...I cant...I cant let you go yet...please" i beg. 

He sighs. 

"Why dont you go wash your face , clean those tears for me and then come get me in my room, alright?" he asks and I nod, only because I want to brush my teeth, I want to wash my face and I turn to my bathroom as Cade walks from my room. 

Cade

I walk out of her bedroom. 

I walk down the stairs. 

I put on my boots. 

I grab my coat and throw it on , on my way out the door. 

Outside Asher is standing next to the snowmobile with my case of supplies and bag of clothes attached to the back on a small rig we made a few years back to transport things to and from the small cabin further up on the mountain. 

"What the fuck is this?" Asher says looking to the packs of things in the rig carrier. 

"My shit." I say. 

"Well where the fuck do you think you're going with it?" he asks. But he's not being an asshole. HE trying to tell me I don't get to leave. 

"she's yours." I say. 

"Been yours." I say. 

"Always will be." 

His nostrils flare. 

"Does she know your leaving?" he asks. 

I nod. 

"Just can't do it Asher." I tell him, and in my eyes, I try to convey to him my apologies, try to convey that I'm fucking broken right now. That I'm not him. I'm not Westlan or my father. I love differently, and guess my love isn't modern enough to be compatible. 

"So you're just gonna break her heart?" he asks and I fight the tears I feel. 

"It's that or stay here and break my own. I'm being selfish Asher. Because I have to." I tell him. 

"she DOES love you, you know that right?" he asks. 

"shes YOURS too. Not just mine. " he says and I shake my head. 

"I know she loves me. I dont doubt that at all. But she loves three other men just the same, and that's not something I want from the woman I love." I say. 

I hear her call my name from inside the house, looking for me. 

"I gotta go." I say and walk to the snow mobile. 

As I hop on the front door opens. 

I start the engine and over it I hear her yell my name. I look over my shoulder. Still in her robe, her hair brushed and up in a pony tail. And I think about how much I'll miss those blue ends of her hair on my pillow, that face looking up at me in the morning or before I go to sleep at night. 

She realizes I'm going with giving into her request. 

"Cade!" she yells at me from the door and then she's running out the door. Barefoot, in a foot of snow, her feet lifting through the snow like its nothing as she moves as fast as she can.

"Cade!" she screams as I drive off through the snow and down the road, through the trees over the feet feet of snow that have fallen recently and I listen to the scream that comes from behind me, even over the engine. It pierces me, and makes tears burn my eyes and the cold whips against my face. I wont stop to put on my gear until I'm too far for her to reach me.

----

Ariella

"NO!" I scream as Asher wraps his arms around my waist as I try to keep running. HE doesnt try to soothe me as I scream at the stop of my lungs. No words. Just screams. 

And I can't stop screaming as I flail in his arms as he lifts me off the ground and out of the snow, my back to his chest. 

I scream , and keep screaming. It hurts. It hurts so much. My robe coming undone as I keep kicking, trying to be put down, and Asher adjust his hold on me as Westlan and Reed come out of the house. 

They must see Asher's face, because they don't say a word as he carries me, still screaming and sobbing, hyperventilating as he drags me inside with him and tries to set me down and I turn to run back out the door. 

"baby, please" he says and I can tell he's crying too. For me or for his brother, or both. I dont know. 

Westlan and Reed walk in the door as Asher pulls me from it, my robe open as he tries to hold me and I scream. Still screaming, shrieking. There's no where for the pain to go. It hits me all at once. Everything hurts. My mother, my father, my grandmother, now Cade. Except, he CHOSE to leave me. 

"he left!" i sob. "he left me!" I scream and go limp in Ashers arms, unable to fight anymore, my body broken , everything feeling weak and he loosens his hold to let me stand but I fall right to the floor and onto my side and just sob. 

"Ariella" Westlan says as he walks over to me and I curl up into a ball. 

I hear Asher curse and then his heavy foot steps go to the door and Reed tries to stop him. 

"don't " Reed says holding his arm. 

"Fuck that...I'm not letting him do this to her." he says and I can't stop crying as Westlan tries to lift me from the floor and pulls me into his lap and then craddles me in his arms, and rocks me .

I don't think I've ever cried this hard. Someone leaving by choice, is a different type of pain than someone dying. 

He made promises to me in my bed those days we spent together when things first started to change between us, when they became something more. 

He promised me forever. 

That no matter what. He'd stay with me. 

He lied to me. He broke his promise. 

"he needs time" Reed says. 

"Fuck that. Tell HER that Dad....tell her to just give him time." he says and i dont even look at Asher or Reed, I just bury myself into Westlan. 

"She's hurt. She'll heal." Reed says and I don't know if it's true. 

Asher rips his coat off and Westlan lifts me from the floor and carries me to the couch and holds me still in his lap, holding me to his chest , rocking me again as I sob. 

"He'll be back baby" he says trying to comfort me. 

"He..." I sob. 

"Done." I choke on air. 

"Said he was done." I sob. 

"shhhhhhhh" Westlan says. 

Reed sits down beside us and he rubs my back along with Westlan. 

"I know it hurts sweetheart....we're here...we got ya...alright?" Reed says and I feel tired, crying so hard, screaming so hard and so loud. The emotions happening now, the emotions of outside, the emotions of standing in my room with Cade as he told me he had to fall out of love with me. 

"Baby" Asher says and I turn my head and look up at him standing there. 

"Ash" I croak. 

I look up at him, and the fucking pain that sears my heart thinking about what I'd do if I ever lost him. I'd kill myself. The thought scares me. But....I can't imagine what I'd do if Asher ever told me he had to stop being in love with me. That's when I realize none of this was fair. To anyone. 

"Baby" he says again and Westlan gently lifts me up as Asher reaches out and he scoops me into his arms and I wrap my arms around his neck as he takes me up the stairs and to the bathroom. 

Sitting me down on the counter. I just watch him, a blank stare on my face as he moves to the tub, filling it for me and leaving the water running as he walks back over and stands between my legs and puts my head on his chest and holds my head to him and wraps his other around around me. 

He's silent , and so am I, other than my non stop tears.  He just hold me. He doesn't kiss me, doesnt let his hands touch me anywhere other than holding my head to his chest. 

When the tub is almost full.  He undresses then gently slips my robe off my shoulers then scoops me up again and brings me to the tub. 

He sits in it with my, my back to him as he leans me back on his chest, and kisses the top of my head. 

"Breathe for me baby" he whispers. 

I take shaky inhales over and over until my breaths even out as much as they possibly can right now.  I start up crying the second I calm myself. Repeating this over and over, until I'm truly exhausted. 

After 20 minutes in the tub when the water starts to cool, Asher lifts us out. Dries us both off and then carries me to his room. sits me on the bed. 

He takes my pony tail out, and he gently massages my scalp before he puts it into a looser, lower ponytail. Because he knows I get headached when I wear them tight. And knows I already have one from screaming, from crying, from the stress. 

He moves my body, guiding me as I just sit there comatose. 

He lays me down and pulls the covers up over me and then goes over and turns of his light and then come back to bed, lays over the covers and then pulls me into him, his arm around me. 

Within seconds, my exhausted body shuts down, and I find sleep.