EroticReverie

Malcom

I’d never once been mad at Annalise. Not once. Even when arguing when we were together, our little spats here and there I was never angry. Frustrated maybe. But never angry. I’d never raised my voice , I’d never wished I hadn’t met her. It killed me as the thought circled in my brain.

I drove dumb and reckless all the way home. My anger fueling my foot to press down on the pedal.  Not able to get home soon enough to confront my bastard brother.

He was the one who fucking talked me into breaking up with her. Fucking prick. My friends had too, but it was my older brother who told me college wasn’t the time for a fucking girlfriend.  

So I did it.  I broke up with her and then as soon as I’d left the son of a bitch fucked her.

I’d gone right into the house and he knew.  He knew the second I fucking saw him sitting on the couch in his work uniform playing video games.

“So she finally told you” he says with a smug little smile.

I saw red.

He tried to fight back but I was too fucking pissed off. My rage was superior and I’d landed hit after hit to his face, his stomach before my mom started screaming.

I didn’t answer a single question she screamed at us.

“You’re dead to me” I huff as I breathe heavy from the exertion and adrenaline from kicking his ass.

I turn and go upstairs , pack a bag of shit and fly out of the house while my mother nurses her cunt of a son. She calls after me and I don’t turn back. I can’t be in that fucking house. Not when he lives there.  

I shoot off a text and text my best friend from high school Gavin telling him I need a place to crash for a bit. No questions asked he tells me sure. And that I can stay as long as I need.  He doesn’t ask what happened. At least not until I get to his place.  I tell him I don’t want to talk about it. He nods and we sit watching television and I fight the tears and the large lump forming in my god damn throat.

So this is what betrayal felt like.  And the fucked up part was.  I wasn’t even that upset about burning bridges with my brother. He was a loser that couldn’t keep a job and lived in the basement, and he’d be that way forever.  A god damn worthless sack of shit.

“You going to the bonfire?” Gavin asks.  I shake my head.

“You gotta go man. You can drink off whatever it is. Pick up a chick.  That is unless you’re still chasing after Anna” he says with a chuckle.

I don’t say a word and I just stare ahead at the television.

“Oh shit. Is this about Anna?” He asks.

“Fuck her.” I mutter.

“Whoa, what in the fuck happened ?” He asks.  Because everyone and their mother knows the god damn torch I’ve carried for her since I got back. The torch that never fucking burnt out. The torch that was annoyingly still fucking burning. I fucking loved her. Love her.  God damnit. I still fucking loved her.  Isn’t there some fucking switch that should shut that shit off when someone fucks your god damn brother ? When someone throws an emotional punch so god damn below the belt ?

“She fucked Josh” I say.

Silence.

“Jesus Christ Malcom.” He says letting out a low whistle.

“When?” He asks.

I shrug. “Sometimes after I broke up with and went to college” I say.  

“Fuck. Your brother is a piece of shit.” He says.

“Her too” he says. My head whips towards him and his eyes go wide.

“Okay. So we’re not mad mouthing her. Even though she fucked Josh?” He asks confused.

“No. YOU aren’t bad mouthing her. Cause nobody gets to talk shit about her. Ever” I say and he just shakes his head.

“She fucked your brother. Why the fuck are you defending her?” He asks 

I throw my hands into my hair and groan and lean my head back.

“Because no matter what I fucking do. No matter what she fucking does.  Im gonna fucking love her. And it makes me a god damn fucking fool. A god damn fucking pussy” I clench my fists wanting to punch something wanting to break something.

“So. You …still…want her?” He sounds so fucking confused and he should be cause the shit is asinine.

“Yes. No. I don’t fucking know man. We fucked at that party.  She ghosted. I went to her house today and she gave me shit, then.  Then we were fucking again. God.  Fuck.” I groan angrily because all I can picture is her gorgeous face as she moaned for me as she spoke those dirty fucking words and came for me. I think about how Josh got to see her like that. Josh knew what Annalise felt like.

“Shit” I say choking on god damn cry as I bury my head in my hands with my elbows on my knees.

“Fuck Malcom” Gavin says and gets up and moves over and just squeezes my shoulder.

“I’m sorry man” he says.

I just there silent tears slipping from my eyes and Gavin just sits there with me. Hand still on my shoulder.

“You’re going to the bonfire” he says.

“She’ll be there” I say angrily.

“So fucking what? And so will you and you’ll pull the hottest girl there , easy.” He says.  

“Let her see you unbothered.  Let her see you hit on every girl there. Let her get pissed off now.” He says and I just shake my head.

“No” I say.

“No?” He asks.

“I’m not hurting her back.  That’s why the fuck she did what she did. I hurt her when I left.  So she hurt me. I don’t want to fucking make it a cycle. I just….fuck. “ I say.

“Geeze man.  You’re a better man that me. Cause I’d screw every female in sight if I were you.” He says and I just shake my head with it back in my hands.

“So whatever.  The beach is huge. You’re still fuckin goin. You wanna stay here , then you’re going with me tonight. As my fucking wingman” he says and groan and he laughs.

“Unless you want me to stay here with you and listen to Taylor Swift songs and drink bottles of wine” he says and I look at him and he smiles and shrugs.

“It’s what the chicks do” he says and I give a little laugh and just shake my head.

“You’re not sitting here all night moping. Fuck that shit and fuck both of them. Summer ain’t over until your big dick sings man” he says and I look at him.

“Don’t ever reference the size of my dick again” I say and he throws his head back and laughs.

“Then you shouldn’t have helicoptered the shit around at Maggie Weathers pool party in ninth grade” he says and I laugh at the memory. The girls were half horrified and half in shock.

“We’re all over here with tug boats and you’ve got the fucking titanic in your shorts” he says.

“Jesus. Stop. This is getting fucking weird” I say and he keeps laughing and I can’t help it. I do too. But then I remember Annalise telling me I wasn’t even the biggest she’s had. I’m angry again.

I look to Gavin.

“so when is this fuckin party?”