EroticReverie

Annalise

An elephant. No. A train. No. A plane. Fuck, it felt like all three had ran into me and run me over as I winced as I woke. I groaned as I lifted my arm over my eyes and whimpered at my self given misfortune of the worlds worst hangover. 

I was never sure why I drank, because no matter how much or how little I drank, the next day was always a god damn nightmare.  After a few minutes of feeling sorry for myself, I start to play back last night. 

Went to beach. Drank before and at beach. Saw Malcom. Shit. 

Everything after that comes in a quick flash. Him saving me from mister handsy. Him carrying me to the car. Crying to him the entire way home. Oh jesus. I cringe. Him carrying me upstairs, him getting angry that I kept a key under my doormat. Him sitting me in the kitchen. Me making a fool of myself, and him ignoring my "do you think we would have gotten married?" question. My heart stings a bit when I think of how he avoided it. I roll over and push my face into my pillow and shake my head. 

Cinnamon and sugar toast. Him taking me to my room. Undressing me. The fact that Malcom should hate my guts, but took care of me last night, has me wanting to cry, vomit and break everything in this room. I was angry because even though I'd done the most terrible thing by sleeping with his brother when he left, I was still mad. I was still hurt that he left me behind in the first place. I don't think I'll ever forget that depression and pain that I experienced. I'll never forget it. Ever. Nothing has ever hurt as much as that. 

I look at my night stand for the time. I see a glass of water, and two asprin. 

There's no note. There's no "Love you baby, take these." and I inhale willing myself not to cry over something I didn't deserve in the first place. 

He'd called me baby last night. In the kitchen. Baby. Baby. His voice replays in my head and it's like a punch in the gut thinking of how soft and gentle his voice was. He should've yelled at me. He should've done something other than fucking take care of me. I didn't deserve it! But then, part of me thought, maybe I did deserve it. He'd messed up too. No. I shake my head. What I did was far far worse. 

I pop the asprin and take a sip of water and then feeling like crap, go right to the bathroom to shower. 

Malcom

I could barely sleep last night, laying on her floor, smelling her , thinking about her body. Remembering how we would sneak her into my house at night sometimes and we'd lay there together and fall asleep and she'd sneak out in the morning. I had laid there , my body craving that feeling. How peaceful it felt when we had fallen asleep together.  

The smell of her shampoo and body wash, and her perfume filled her room and I shouldn't have done what I did. But undressing her, seeing her gorgeous body and thinking about her telling me we would have gotten married. I had stroked myself on her floor , and had imagined her body ontop of me, riding me again. "Josh!" I picture her ontop of me from the other day when she blurted his name.  I'd stopped stroking, and went to bed. 

Waking up this morning , I picked up the pillow, placing it back on her bed carefully, then folded the blanket back up. I left the apartment before she woke up, started to walk to my car and then passed it, and kept walking. I walked six blocks before I turned back. I stopped at the bagel shop on one of the corners, I picked up a half dozen breakfast bagels, and coffees. I carried them back to her apartment.

I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. Why was I bringing her breakfast? I'd just drop them off. Toss them in the garbage , I thought as I stood outside the door, debating whether or not to go back in. 

I let myself back in, telling myself I would just drop them off and leave. No point in wasting my money on throwing them out. I close the door behind me and walk into the small kitchen and find Lizzie in a pair of underwear and a bra standing at the fridge.

She yelps. I turn my head quickly. 

"Shit, sorry. I ...fuck..sorry Lizzie. " I say as she curses and then cracks up. 

"I brought breakfast" I say lifting the to-go carrier of three coffees and the bag of bagels. 

She laughs. "Be right back...im going to put clothes on" 

"yeah...okay...i'll just leave them here." I say. 

"Don't leave" she says and I sigh. 

"Seriously Malcom...don't leave, hold on a sec" she says and I listen to her bare feet slap over the linoleum and through the hall. 

when im sure my ex's half naked best friend isn't anywhere around I set down the coffees and bagels. 

Lizzie returns about thirty seconds later, I lift my brows at how fast she was. She's wearing a baggy t shirt and sleep shorts. 

"you are an angel Malcom Miller" she says as she scoops up one of the hot coffees and plucks the little tab and takes a sip. 

"Yeah, well...alright, im gonna head out." I say. 

"Sit." she says and it's not a suggestion or a request, it's a command. 

"Lizzie, I need to-"

"You NEED to SIT Miller." she says eyeing me. 

"I brought you breakfast, and you're gonna boss me around?" I ask and she smiles and nods and points to the seat. 

"Sit." she says again and then opens the brown bag and hums as she pulls out the bagel sandwiches. 

"Which one do you want?" she asks. 

I shake my head. "I'm good with just coffee." I say.

"There's six bagels here." she says.

I shrug. 

she rolls her eyes. 

She grabs one, then opens it and takes a bite and groans. 

"So, why am I sitting here watching you eat?" I ask. 

She eyes me, and licks a crumb from her lip and sets down the bagel sandwich and chews. 

"Because...you know why." she says. 

"Listen Lizzie..." I start to say with a sigh. 

"You HAVE to forgive her Malcom" she says, and her voice is desperate and her eyes look so fucking sad. They're almost as sad as I feel. 

"She slept with-"

"Josh, yeah I know." she cuts me off again and I just stay silent. 

"You two are...you're just...I swear to god...this is worse than when my parents got divorced....if you two don't end up together...I'll need therapy" she says and I can't help but laugh slightly.

"I'm serious Malcom!" she says and I just laugh louder. 

I just shake my head as she takes another bite of her sandwich. 

In that second I hear a door open, I freeze and Lizzie's eyes widen, she stops chewing. We hear another door shut. Then we hear the shower start. 

"Listen, I already gave her shit. I gave her shit when it happened, and I gave her shit again when she told you. And, I mean....listen....what she did...I'm not saying it should be brushed under the rug...but you and I both know...that's not Annalise...and if you love her like you say you do...it's because you know who she is!" she says pleading her case. 

"You know she'd never do that. When you left Malcom..." she says and she goes somber and looks down. 

"I'd never been so scared in my entire life." she says and I see her eyes start to water.

"Lizzie...what.." I say. 

She lifts her eyes to mine. "Look, I'm not trying to guilt trip you Malcom, I know you regret breaking up with her. But when you left her....I ....she just wasn't Annalise.....I thought....she says she wasn't....but....I didnt think she wanted to live without you....I was so scared she was gonna.." she says and I watch a tear fall from her cheeks. 

"Lizzie." I say and reach over and grab her hand. 

"I'm so sorry." I say. 

She shakes her head. "I just....I know she would never have done that...and i'm not trying to excuse it....but..."

"I know." I say and squeeze her hand. "I get it." 

She lifts her eyes to me. 

"Please don't leave her again Malcom. I know she fucked up. But you did too. And if you just...let her go again." she says. 

"Why do you think she was so adamant about NOT getting back together Malcom? Because she didn't want you? She knew the secret she had would kill you. She didn't want to have to make you live with that. She knew if she got back together with you, she'd have to tell you. Sure part of it was she was still mad at you for leaving, still hurt, and she was still angry. But, a lot of that anger was because you leaving, made her into someone she wasn't , for ...awhile." she says. 

I nod and she sighs. 

"Trust me. I get it. I really do. But...I don't know what to do next. I can't just forgive that Lizzie. No matter the reasoning behind it. And honestly, I don't think she's ready to trust me either. Like you just said, when I left, I know that I broke her heart." I say.

She shakes her head. "You broke her soul Malcom." 

"That wasn't just heartbreak." she says and I feel the sting of tears but look down and nod and slide my hand from hers. 

"I need you to at least try Malcom. Please." she whispers. 

"I love her so much Malcom. I'd die for her. There's nobody like her in the world." she says. and I nod, because she was right. Annalise wasn't a bad person. Far from it. She'd just done a bad thing. I have no doubt in my mind that she has regretted it everyday, but no matter the guilt she felt or the reasoning being my fault, I didn't honestly know if it was something I could get over. 

"She loves you. She has never stopped. She fucked up. Let her at least try to help you forgive her." She says. 

I look at her and give a sigh. 

"Eat your bagel Lizzie." 

She gives a little defeated frown and looks down. 

"I know it's not fair of me to ask Malcom...but...do you think you can? I mean...I know you need time...but..." she hesitates. "I mean, you still love her right?" 

I blow out a long breath, blinking several times and look up at her. 

"Of course I do."