EroticReverie

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't speak. I stood there listening to Brant, taking in every word. Wanting to fall into his arms, wanting to feel his arms around me, his mouth on mine, his body against me under the sheets. I wanted every single memory I had with him that was playing in my head. 

"I have to go." I say quietly and step back and look away because the disappointment in his face is too much. What did he expect though honestly? That I should give into him now that he's ready? It doesnt matter if he ended things with his wife the day I left him. It took me leaving him in order for him to do it. Was that what a relationship with him would be like? Telling him all my wants and needs, only to have them ignored until I threaten to leave? 

I loved him. I still do. To cave to him now, would make me feel weak. It would make me feel dumb, and I honestly didn't know what I wanted. In that moment, I wanted him. If it weren't for Troy, I was sure that I'd be stripped down by now with him already inside of me. I wasn't that girl anymore though, and unlike Brant's son, Troy didn't deserve to be cheated on. He also didn't deserve for the girl he was dating, to still be so in love with someone else. I'd been fucking lying to myself thinking I was getting over him. 

"Please don't leave Abigail." he says quietly. 

Still looking away I shake my head slightly and put my coat and scarf on as tears well up in my eyes again and drip down my cheeks.

"Please." he says again and I look at him and he has tears in his own. It hurts. It fucking punches me in the gut to see him hurting, and I want to walk the few feet to him and comfort him, but I know I need to walk away. 

"It was good to see you Brant." I say as both of us stare at each other with watery eyes. 

I turn and walk calmly out of the house. I can't even see where I'm walking once I walk out of the house. Once i'm back in my car, I sob, I give myself a minute to really fucking cry again, and am amazed that I still have this many tears to cry over this. 

My phone rings and I curse, because I think it's Brant. Pulling my phone out I see it's Troy. I look at the screen my hand trembling as I have a million voices screaming in my head.

I accept the call and put in on speaker. 

"Hello?" 

"What's wrong hun?" he asks when he hears my voice. 

I say nothing, I just sniffle. I say nothing because I'm a coward. 

"Troy.." I say his name and then say nothing else as I look at my phone, the seconds ticking on the screen. 

He lets out a sigh. 

"I had a feeling." he says calmly and quietly. 

I swallow a lump in my throat and want to slap myself because this guy knows me too fucking well, and is so fucking observant of everything I do and the way I talk.

"I don't know what I'm doing." I say , my hand shaking and my voice shaking even harder. 

"You're going through it. Dealing with the shit you left behind, the things you ran from before giving yourself a chance to really end them or find closure." he says and I swear to god, I don't deserve him. 

"I was kind of hoping that eventually, being together...you'd grow to find in me what you did with whatever you had with that guy..." he says and sighs. I hold back a sob and my lip quivers as I listen to him. 

"I wanted to fall in love with you Abigail...I was ready to...shit, maybe i did...maybe i am....but I don't want to give my all to someone who still has their heart in someone elses hands." he says.

"I'm so sorry" I try to speak and it comes out barely audible. 

"You've been a great girlfriend...we had fun. We just weren't meant for the long term I guess." he says and I let my forehead hit the steering wheel with a thud.

"And you were a great boyfriend." I say quietly. "You're amazing, and I wish I could have fell in love with you." I sniffle. 

"Friends?" he asks. 

"Friends." I reply.

"Have a good holiday Abby, and good luck." he says. 

"You too T.." I say. 

"See you soon." 

"See ya." I reply, and then stare at the phone as he ends the call. 

I take a deep breath and toss my phone into the passenger seat, shivering because I havent even started the car. I grab my keys, and slide the key into the ignition and then pause. 

No. I still need to leave. I still need to get the fuck out of here and...

"God damnit!" I yell as I pull the keys back out and open my door back up. 

I curse Brant in my head as I slam my car door , pissed off that I can't fucking leave, because I'm an idiot. A real fucking idiot. I'm shaking with anger and don't even know what I plan on saying or yelling at him. But I just know, that I want to fucking yell at him. I'm not done yelling at him. I'm not done with him period. 

My boots stomp through the snow and I throw open the door in a huff and don't see him in the little kitchen, and I slam the door and go to walk through to find him but he's running down the short hall and coming around the corner into the small kitchen in a split second. His eyes wide and on me, and his eyes are red. 

I feel my entire body shivering, from cold and from anger, and just from him alone. His existence and just being near him.  I hold his gaze and I don't move an inch and neither does he. The electricity in my skin is a feeling I've only ever had when I look at him. My skin buzzes and my blood pumps faster that it ever has when I'm with him. I can feel it, the need he has to come to me and kiss me, to grab me so I can't leave again. To say more fucking things that make my heart his. 

"I'm not done yelling at you." I say. 

I see it. The hint of a small smile that he fights and he gives a nod.

"Yell at me then." he says and takes one step closer cautiously as if he can scare me to run if he moves too fast. 

"Yell at me." he says. 

"I'm so fucking angry with you" I say and my hands curl into tiny fists that want to wail on him. Not to hurt him, I just really really wanna fuckin hit him, because it'd feel good for me. 

"I know." he says. 

"Why did you come back?" he asks. 

My lips tighten and I narrow my eyes. 

"I told you. I'm not done fucking yelling at you." I say. 

"Then why aren't you yelling?" he asks and god, the man makes my blood boil. 

"fuck you." I say quietly and he takes another step closer. 

"fuck you too Abigail." he replies.

My nostrils flare. 

"It's over." I say. 

He pauses while going to take another step. He thinks I mean us. 

"With Troy." I clarify through gritted teeth.

I watch him try to hide that smug little smile, god he was really going to get hit. 

"Wipe the smug as shit grin off your face, it doesnt mean shit." I say, seething as I glare at him. 

He schools his face to be as plain as he can get it. 

"Then why did you break up with him?" he asks. 

"Because he deserves someone better. Someone who isn't me. I don't deserve someone like him. " I say. 

He steps closer, and closer and he's right in front of me and I feel my body temperature rise and anger and love crash through me, fueling the tremor in my hands and legs and the angry curl of my toes in my boots. 

"and YOU don't deserve ME" I say to him looking up and ignore his hands as the reach up and unzip my jacket slowly , with his eyes still on mine. His hand unwinding my scarf from around my neck.

"Let me try to then." he says quietly as he slips the scarf off and then pushes my jacket off my shoulders. 

Christ he was a beautiful man, and fuck him for being so embedded in my mind and heart, and the way he has forever been under my skin. My nipples react to the look in his eyes. 

"Take your boots off." he says softly. 

I pinch my brows angrily. 

"I'm not staying." I say. Because I'm a fucking liar. 

"Yes you are." he says so fucking surely and it drives me mad. 

"Take your god damn boots off." he says and his jaw ticks and his nostrils flare and I feel my thighs press together and then I kick off my boots while keeping my eyes on him . 

He reaches out and I inhale with a slight gasp when he pulls me by the waist of my jeans and he starts to immediately undo my jeans, unbuttoning them and unzipping them with aggressive tugs, making my hips jerk. 

"I hate you." I tell as glare at him still , our eyes still locked.

"I hate you more Abigail." he answers and my pants are yanked down and when he bends down to pull them off he keeps looking up , keeping his eyes on me. 

"Fuck you." I hiss as I step out of my pants willingly. 

"I fucking love you" he groans and his hands yank down my panties and his mouth kisses right above my pussy and I gasp.

He stands and grabs my shirt and pulls it off up over my head and his eyes take me in, removing my clothing until I'm naked and then he just steps back and looks at me, his eyes recounting every inch of me. 

"you can yell at me as much as you need to" he says. 

"But I'm going to bring you to our fucking bed right now Abigial." he says and steps back to me and reaches behind me and fists my hair at the nape of my neck. 

"And I'm going to fuck your god damn pussy that I've been missing for a fucking year" he snarls and my toes curl against the floor, and just like that, I've let him bring us back to when this house was our secret, just me and him pretending. But this time we weren't. It was really me and him. There was nobody else but us, and even though I wanted to be strong, to punish him even more out of spite. I couldn't. It was impossible. I missed him, missed this. 

"I'm going to fuck MY girl" he says and his lips comes so close to mine, and pathetically I whimper with a slight moan. God damnit, he was impossible to not surrender to. 

"I'm going to fuck you so god damn hard baby" he breathes heavily. 

"Once I'm done disrespecting that cunt with the way I plan on fucking you....I'm going to worship your pussy with my fucking mouth and then make love to you" he says and I tremble, my nipples so fucking hard they hurt and I brush them against his chest in his shirt just for some relief. 

"I fucking love you Abigail." he whispers and his lips brush mine slightly. 

I pant and look in his eyes , my eyes jumping all around his face and then his mouth and then back to his eyes and I breathe out my only reply. 

"I love you too"