EroticReverie

Ashers POV

It’s only been two days since Cade took off to the cabin further up on the mountain , but it was already clear to me that maybe my little brother had it right. 

I’d do anything for Ari. Including let her love three other men. It didn’t bother me as much as it maybe should have. She was easy to love.  And she loved us just as easily. 

She’d lost both her parents and her grandmother. All in less than a year. She needed love and I wanted her to have as much she possibly could. But was what we were doing the best thing for her? For any of us ?

I was pissed at Cade. Fuming that he’d leave her, fuming that he’d break her heart like this. It wasn’t until I laid in bed with Ari that night just holding her as she slept that I began to grasp how my brother must have felt. I still didn’t agree with him leaving , especially since we were about to get the last big storm of the season. 

I’d give him another day. Then I’d go after him, to talk to him. But I also needed to talk to Ari. But was a coward and couldn’t bring myself to do it. She’d been quiet since Cade was gone. Understandably , she also didn’t come to any of us like she normally does. Her high sex drive was non existent, her smile and her laugh hadn’t appeared in the few days since he left , no matter how hard we tried to crack her back open. 

I didn’t want to be the one to make her hurt more.  But talking to Westlan and my father , we all agreed that it had to be me. I was without a doubt the closest to her, the one that held the most of her heart in my own. They’d also agreed that we’d gotten it wrong all along. That no matter how much they loved her me enjoyed the relationship that they had with her.  What was best was probably exactly what Cade had wanted.  To choose one and the rest of us would still love her of course, but we had to end the sexual relationship with all of us. 

I was a coward. Because I wasn’t sure she’d choose me. What if she chose Cade? I’d end up need a cabin in a mountain on the other side of the world if I lost any of what I had with Ari. 

I watch her from inside.  She’s outside shoveling. Normally we do it. But I know it’s just to keep her mind distracted , to release some of whatever she’s feeling as she flings the heavy snow to the side with each aggressive dig into the snow. 

I throw on my beanie hat. Put on my Buffalo plaid jacket and make my way outside onto the large porch which shes half cleared so far. 

She doesn’t look up as I step out , just keeps on working on shoveling. Sniffling in the cold air. She’s bundled up in one of my jacket and one of my hats with a scarf of her own around her and a pair of blue gloves. 

“Ari.” I say her name , knowing she heard me , but she keeps shoveling. 

I walk over and reach out and place a hand on the shovel as she digs into the snow, and I stop her. 

“Babe…breathe” I say as she huffs heavily from the exertion and when she looks up at me. Her eyes are red and puffy and filled with tears. 

Ariella crying is my least favorite sight. It hurts me to see her like this. She’s not herself. Even beyond the tears, a part of her seems to have died or burnt out. 

“Gonna need you to stop that princess” I say softly and reach to her hand and take it from the shovel and letting it fall as I pull her into me and she buried her face in my chest as I wrap my arms around her. 

I lift one hand and place it at the back of her head , cradling her  

“We need to talk baby” I whisper. 

“And I already know you’re not in the mood to talk, but, we need to.” I say and she lifts her head and looks at me , her eyes are wide with fear and she shakes her head. 

“I’m sorry!” She cries. “I’m sorry I won’t , I’ll do whatever you want , don’t Asher, please, don’t do this” she sobs. 

“Whoa. Baby, babe…shhh” I hush her. 

“I’m not doing anything. Or going anywhere , I’m right here alright? I’ll never leave you unless you tell me to, got it?” I say cupping her face. Realizing saying “we need to talk” usually means someone is ending things. Poor word choice Asher. 

She nods and buries her face back in my chest and slips her arms around me. 

“I love you” she croaks. 

“I love you too” I say as I pull her tighter. 

“Come inside, I’ll finish this later” I say and she sniffles and nods. 

I make her hot cocoa and we sit at the dining room table next to each other and I turn in my seat towards her. 

She looks so beautiful, even with her puffy eyes.  Her cheeks and nose are pink with the cold from outside still and I want to kiss her , but know if I do. I won’t stop. So I fight the urge and begin to talk as the noises from the garage from Westland and my dad working on our other skimobile can be heard through the walls. 

“You know that I love you, and I’d do anything for you, give you anything in this world that I’m capable of giving you” I say and she turns her head and turns to me as well in her seat. Each of us leaning on our forearm on the table. 

She nods. 

“And I’d do the same for you.” She says and I give her a little smile. 

“I think we’ve all been living in a fantasy.” I tell her. I wait and she just looks at me and then to her hand as she drags her thumb and down the side of her mug. 

“You’ve been through a lot.” I say and she takes a deep breath. 

“Which is why when you fell in love with not only me , but all of us. I wanted you to have that. I wanted you to know you had all of us.” I say. 

“And you always will have us by your side.  I know Cade is gone right now, but I also know. If you ever needed something, he’d give it to you. We all would.” I say. 

“But he left.” She says and then looks up. 

I nod. 

“Trust me. I’m not happy at how he handled it either. But….” I pause and she looks at me. 

“Please don’t be mad at me baby” I say as the coward in me takes over. 

She looks at me and nods. 

“I know.” She says and then looks down. 

“I know he needed to do it. Needed to leave. To get away. I get it.” She says softly. 

“That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt though.” She says and I reach my hand over and place it on her knee and squeeze and she looks over at me. 

“I wanted this to work Ari. I wanted you to be able to have four men who fucking love you more than anything else in this world. But…I think Cade is right. And I think that maybe…no…I know…I know that we all can’t keep doing this. No matter how much we want to.” I say and her lower lip trembles. 

“There’s no way any of us can stop loving you, and there’s no way any of us could ever ask you to not love the rest of us. Your heart is far too big for that.” I say and a quiet tear slips from her eye. 

“It’s not working baby” I say and she looks down and a second tear falls. 

“I want to do what’s best for all of us. And it’s not fair to you or to any of us , for us to keep doing this.” I tell her and watch her swallow and nod. And it’s a wave of relief that crashes through me that she seems to have already come to the realization herself. 

“I know you’ll always love all of us, and I know that each of us will always love you, always want you, because of just how hard you love , and how you make us feel. But it’s not fair for you to have to try to balance your love or affections with four men.  And it’s not fair for us to have to share the woman we love with three other men.” I say and she cries. 

“Baby don’t cry, I’m not saying it to make you cry or feel bad.  We all chose this. We all want it to work. But it’s not what’s best for any of us. That’s all.  I’m just saying , it’s best if we decide on you know…a more normal situation.” I say and she nods and sniffles. 

“I don’t want to hurt anyone” she cries. 

“We know that baby, and it’ll suck for any of us you don’t choose. Or maybe you’ll choose none of us and that’s fine too” I say and her eyes dart right to mine. 

She shakes her head and pushes up out of her seat and gets onto my lap. 

I welcome her , pulling at her small waist as she pushes her lips to mine. 

“It’s you” she breathes through her tears and kisses me again. 

A small wave of relief washes over me. And I know I’m selfish for being so fucking thankful that she chooses me without hesitation but I don’t care. I kiss her back and grab her perfect face in my hands.

“I won’t live without you” she says putting her forehead to mine and breaking the kiss. 

“I can’t Asher” she says unsteadily. 

“I love you so much”her voice cracks. 

I tilt her chin up to capture her mouth again. 

“I want the others to have what we have” she says. 

“I know it’s not fair to them. Because it’s been you the whole time.” She says and looks at me. 

“I do love them. I love them all so much. But we all know that it’s you.” She says and I could almost cry myself. 

“Thank fuck baby , because I can’t live without you either” I say and she smiles through her tears. 

I don’t say it, because I know she already is so self aware. But , the high sex drive, the needing pain, the love affair of four men. It’s all been to fill in the loss of her parents.  Her grandmother.  And I’ve realized as well as she probably has that it’s time to deal with it in another way.  That she can have love from all of us without finding it in our beds. And we’re all to blame just as much as she is. We let her seek that temporary fix in our beds because we loved her. We were selfish and wanted her heart and her body. We wanted to feel as good as she felt by being with us. 

“I think we should spend the rest of winter at the other cabin.  Have Cade come back home. And just you and me staying there.” I say.  

It’s the idea that Westlan had actually. The big doofus actually had a working brain.  It made sense that in order to try to get any kind of normal relationship that we’d need to distance ourselves.  My dad and Westlan had been sure that Ari would choose me. When I said she might not they just rolled their eyes and laughed. They admitted they both knew that this arrangement wouldn’t last. And they were prepared to lose her months ago. 

She nods. 

“I think that’s a good idea too” she says and I nod. 

“Do you think…”she bites her lip. 

I wait and she looks at me. 

“It’s selfish.” She says. 

I give a knowing smile. 

“I’m sure that West and my dad will honor a last time.” I say and she bites her lip and blushes. 

“I just…” she says. 

“Babe, you don’t have to explain it to me. I get it. Because if it was me. If I was them, I’d want you one last time too.” I say. 

“Don’t ever feel guilty for what you want. I want you to be able to do this and not have any regrets. So if sleeping with them one last time would make it easier.  I think they’ll need it too.” I say and she nods. 

Just then the garage door opens and they both walk in. 

When they see her in my lap. They already know her choice. Like I said. They knew it before I did. 

“So did you tell Asher sorry and that you’re not as absolutely madly in love with him as he thought?” West teases us both. 

“Did you tell him you and I secretly got hitched in town before winter and that were running away together to Mexico where there’s not fucking snow ?” He asks.  

Ari gives a little laugh. And I think we both appreciate his light teasing at the situation. 

“I do love you.  Both of you” she says and my dad and brother both smile. 

“We know you do. And we’re lucky to just have you as part of our life Ariella” Reed says. 

“But we know you two crazy kids are like two little puppies in love” West says. 

“We never stood a chance did we old man ?” West asks my dad clapping him on the shoulder and I laugh slightly along with Ari. 

“Not a single chance” Reed smiles and Ari blushes and looks back to me. 

“I’ll start to pack some of our things.” I say and kiss her softly and scoot her off my lap. 

I nod to West and my dad and then leave Ari downstairs to tell them she wants her last time with them .