EroticReverie

Bane

I step inside walking in a few steps and then turn and watch her close the door and then turn and she looks up at me as I stand a few feet away. 

"It's good to see you." she says softly. 

My brows jump. "It is?" 

I shake my head. "I mean, yeah, it is, it's good to see you too." I say nervously, like I'm talking to a girl for the first time and all social skills are out the fucking window. 

She cocks her head in that curious way that I remember and she smiles slightly. 

"You nervous Bane?" she asks me and I could die at the way my voice sounds on her lips. How fucking much I missed my name on that mouth. 

I nod. "Extremely." 

"Good." she says and I let out a breath that I think I held ever since I stepped in. 

"Those for me?" she nods her head to bouquet of flowers clutched tightly in my hand. 

I look down, and lift them. "Yeah, yeah, I uh...here, they're for you." I say and the corner of her mouth lifts. She reaches out and takes them. Her finger just barely brushing mine and I know it's not the most appropriate time, but my dick doesnt know any better and I feel it move and I clear my throat and she looks at me. 

I want to grab her and kiss her and never stop kissing her, I want to take her to the nearest surface and make love to her against it while apologizing to her for what a fucking bastard I was. I missed her, I missed her so god damn much and I missed her love. I missed the love she gave when I had needed it most, I missed the love I had carelessly fucking shit all over. I didn't deserve to even breathe her fucking air, but I was, I was inhaling the scent of her and I couldnt stop looking at her, and she would'nt stop looking at me. 

"I can't stop looking at you." I tell her and she smiles just the tiniest bit. 

I take a breath and feel it stuck in my chest. When she notices she steps forward.

"Are you alright?" she asks, her brows pinching and I nod. 

I step back, because it's like being near her is too much, her presence, being this close after two fucking years, dying to see her, to talk to her, and it's happening. 

"Bane, sit down" she says and she grabs my arm and that only makes it harder to breathe as she walks me in and sits me down in a chair at the table in the dining room. 

"Do you need water? Are you have a panic attack?" She asks and I think I am, because I can't fucking breathe, and the more she speaks, the more she touches me. If she were to fucking kiss me right now, I'm pretty sure I'd combust. My love for her consumed me. For the past two years, I've wanted and needed nothing but her and I really didn't expect her to give me the chance to talk to her, to see her. 

"Bane" she says my name and I wince. 

"Bane!" she says and she drops to her knees, looking up at me as I hang my head, and she places her hands on my knees. 

"I just...need a second." I manage to get out. 

"Bane" she says again. "Look at me." 

I shake my head and her hands on my knees grip a little tighter and when she tells me to look at her again it's only cause I hear the panic in her voice. So I look up, the blue eyes of hers on me, concern for me. Concern I didn't deserve. 

"Calm down. Please calm down." she says, rubbing my knees. "It's okay." she says gently and it kills me that after all I did, she's the one consoling me. Trying to make me feel better , again. When it's about her. 

"Fuck, im fucking up again" I say breathing as evenly as I can and she shakes her head. 

"What?" she asks , kneeling in her jeans and a cerulean colored long sleeved shirt, that only makes her worried eyes look more blue. 

"You always take care of me" I say wincing as I try to still calm my fucking nerves. 

"Well..."she says and then doesn't finish and she looks to the side. 

I take another large breath and she looks back at me. 

"You gonna make it, or do I need to call an ambulance?" she asks, half teasing. 

"God" I laugh. And it makes my chest hurt even more. 

"What?" she half laughs and I wince, shaking my head. 

"I never deserved you." I say without thinking. Even though it was true. I didn't deserve her even before everything happened. She was too good, always too good for me, for anyone. The world itself didn't deserve her. 

"How about we get you to a normal breathing state before we go there." she says. 

I nod in agreement and she stands. 

"Just...sit...there." she says and I nod.

She brings out a pitcher of water and two glasses. She pours a glass and slides it over to me. I take it. 

"Thanks." I say as I lift it and take a sip. 

"Mhm." she says and she stands at the end of the small table.

"You hungry?" she asks. 

I nod. Even though I'd eaten at the bar, I can smell that she cooked. And I would eat every god damn bite of what she made.

"good." she says and turns and walks into the kitchen and I hear her move around. 

When she comes back , she sets down a glass plate filled with enchiladas and my breathing threatens to act up again. I loved when she made mexican food for me. Sure it was for her, she had said she was hungry. But, I was going to eat it too. So she'd cooked for me too, right? Had she wanted to? Oh god, was she poisoning it? No. Fucking idiot, I tell myself. The girl is a fucking saint. But you'd deserve if she did. 

She walks back to the kitchen and grabs plates, a some silverware and napkins and comes and sits down to the right of me on the side of the table next to mine and smiles. 

"You still like enchiladas?" she asks. 

I nod. She gives a little smile and then serves me two from the dish and then two on hers. 

"Eat." she says nodding to the plate and I pick up my fork and cut into the food and she watches as I take the first bite. Still liked to watch people eat her food. When I take another bite , she nods to herself and then starts to eat as well. 

After a few more bites and the silence that's fucking killing me, already missing her voice again. I start to talk. 

"So, where have you been?" I ask and she smirks slightly.

"I'm living in New York." she says and I almost drop the fucking fork, and I know I've dropped my jaw.  She sees my reaction but doesn't say anything as she takes another bite. 

"New York?" I ask. But I fucking heard her. I just...god, could she have ran any further away from me? 

She nods. 

"When I left. I stayed with my aunt and uncle in Bakersfield. I finished my school year there. Then.." she says and shrugs. "Went to New York." 

"where in New York?" I ask. 

"Brooklyn." she says.

I nod. She lived in New York. New fucking York. At the end of this week, she'd be back across the fucking continent. I instantly developed a deep loathing of New York. 

"You live alone?" I ask. 

"Mhm" she nods and takes another bite of food. She knows what I want to know. And she's gonna make me ask it. She's not going to offer up the important part. 

"No room mate?" I ask. 

She cocks her brow. "If I had a room mate, then I wouldn't live alone now, would I?" she asks cocking her head. 

I lick my lips. I look down. "No. I guess not." 

"Ask me." she says. 

I lift my eyes, setting my fork down. 

"Ask you?" I repeat. 

She sits back in her chair. "Yeah" she says crossing her arms. 

"Ask me." she says. 

I shake my head. "I can't." 

She crosses her legs. "Why not?" 

"Because it's none of my business." I say. 

"You're scared." she says. 

I lift my eyes, my brows pinching, wanting to deny it, but fuck, she was right. I didn't want to hear about a boyfriend, I didnt see a ring on her fingers anywhere, so she wasnt married or even enagaged, unless she took it off before I got here. I fight the urge to scowl at the though of anyone else laying a fucking finger on her, touching her, or kissing her, fucking her. 

"I don't want to know." I say. 

"Yes you do." she says. 

"So ask me." she insists and I drop my fork and take a deep a breath and my nostrils flare.

"No, because if you...if you say you're seeing someone...I'm going to end up doing shit I have no right to do." I say. 

"hmm." she says, cocking her head again. "Like what?" 

"The....the thought of.....of anyone touching you.....makes me physically fucking ill Valentina." I say and I mean it, not because i'm possessive, and not because I wanted her, but because of that fucking night. When I had to fucking watch it happen, when I couldnt fucking stop it.  It seems to click. 

"I know it's not the fucking same. But...when I picture you with anyone but me...it fucking kills me." I say, admitting it. Admitting that I was not only jealous of whatever boyfriends she's had since me, but I could only imagine the wrong hands on her. Hands of monsters. Of bastards that deserved to die and do more than rot in a fucking prison cell. 

"Bane." she says when she obviously notices the tears forming and I close my eyes. Pushing them back and then open them and look at her. 

"I havent known a single thing Valentina" I say, half angry half hurt, knowing I had no right to be. 

"Everyone tells me you're doing fine, you're doing great, but ...fuck...I worried about you every god damn day...if you were safe...if ...." I stop talking because If I keep going I'm going to crack and I shake my head. 

She reaches over, and places her hand on mine that's  gripping my fork again and she gently pries my hand open and takes the fork and sets it down. Then holds my hand. 

"I'm okay." she says. "Nothing bad has happened to me since I left." she says and I let out a breath and tears spill over as I take in the relief. 

My mouth trembling, and I tongue the inside of my cheek and look up to her. 

"you promise?" I ask, wondering if she's lying, if she's still protecting me. 

She nods. "I promise." she says and her thumb strokes over the back of my hand. 

"Nobody has touched me period." she says and I look up from our hands to her. 

It's hard to believe, and not because I take her as some kind of liar, I knew Valentina well enough, and she would never lie. Not even to a person who wronged her as much as I had. Hard to believe only because she was too fucking beautiful, and I didnt understand how she didnt have guys constantly trying to date her. 

"Why?" I ask and she half laughs. 

"I mean.." I say and look at my hand. "You're just...you're perfect." 

"I know, I'm just soooo irresistible." she says a little playfully.

I look at her. "You fuckin are." 

She bites her lips together and her closed lips push to the side of her face as she fights a smile. 

"I was never ready." she says. 

"I'm still not." she adds. 

"I'm still working on me, ya know." she says, her hand sliding from mine and I nod and swallow, hating watching her hand slip back across the table. 

"I'm so sorry for what I did to you." I say, looking right in her eyes, needing to look her in the eyes.

"I know you are." she says. 

"I just"I shake my head. "I need you to know I did love you, I always loved you...and I still do. And I know that doesnt mean anything...and that...you're in New York, and...I just...I need you to know that you were , and still are...and will always be, the love of my life." I say and watch her lower lip tremble and then she bites it, drawing it into her mouth and just nods once. 

"I fucked up the best thing I ever had, that I'll ever have. and I have to live with that...but I just...need to be sure..that you know...I will regret it, every fucking day, for the rest of my life. Because you didn't deserve any of it. I hurt you in the worst fucking ways." I say and I look away for a moment, trying to stop my fucking tears. 

"I just..." I say and heave a breath. 

"I just want you to know that I'm sorry, and I know how sorry I am doesnt take it back, or undo the pain I put you through, and that I could sit here and apologize to you till the day I die, and it would never be enough, because you didnt fucking deserve it Valentine." I say, the tears pouring.  Pouring because I can see the hurt, like it's still as fresh for her as it is for me, even after two years. 

"You're such a good person" I say and shake my head, looking away and tears falling down my cheeks. Both of our cheeks wet with tears. I sniff and shake my head again. 

"You...you were so fucking good to me...even before we started dating" I say and smile, remembering how I drove her nuts, but she stuck around, without saying it, but I knew she did it because she knew I didnt have my parents around. That they didn't give two shits. 

"You didn't like me much" I say with a slight laugh as I remember each roll of her eyes, each "You idiot" whenever I said something stupid or pig headed.  "But you were there for me. Always good to me." I say and she lets out a breath and nods.

I look at her , both of us fighting more tears and I just slowly breathe out and look down at my lap because I could keep talking, but there's nothing I can do. But...I said my apologies, and at least I got to give her that. 

"I'll leave you alone now." I say. "I'll stop bothering everyone about you." I say and go to get up.

"Sit your ass down Banks, you're not the only one with shit to say." she says through her tears.