EroticReverie

Kitty

When we're both put back together, I go to sit down beside Royce but he pulls me back onto his lap sideways, with my legs over one side of his. I twist slightly and look at him. He's smiling but he doesn't look the same. It's not the same smile Royce gives me everytime we're together. 

I lift my hand and push my fingers back through his hair. 

"You look tired." I tell him. 

"You just rode me like a bull." he jokes and I give him a little smile. 

"Talk to me." I say softly, letting him know he doesnt have to joke anymore. That I'm finally willing to lay all of our ugly shit bare. The shit I've avoided successfully for years now. There was no fighting it anymore, there was no pretending that Royce didn't have an affect on me, there was no pretending I didn't care about anything other than the sex. I guess we both knew that was true for awhile now. But I'd still avoided admitting it at every turn. 

"You sure?" he asks me and I nod once and lean my face closer and nudge my nose against his. 

"I'm sure." I say quietly and he sighs. 

His hand comes up behind my head. 

"Why'd it take you so long to get to me? Where have you been hiding the nose nudging, eskimo kisses Kit? Where has she been?" he teases me and I turn my face and bury it in his neck. 

"Please don't make this hard Royce..i'm trying" I say softly and he hugs me to him. 

"Sorry, I know..." he says and kisses the side of my head. 

He gives another sigh and then I feel his hand smooth over my fishnets, the crotch still ripped, but I left them on anyways. His fingertips pluck the netting.

"It's weird." he says. 

I look down to his hand and then at him and he's smiling slightly as he keeps toying with my fishnets.

"How you make everything better." he says. 

"No I dont." I say.

"You do. You always have." he says. "Without even trying. I think that's what made it easier for me to accept that you never wanted to get close. Because...anything you gave me, was like...a life line. A sarcastic remark...a glance in the hallway at school....a kiss that I wasn't expecting...just the thought of you makes shit easier to deal with." he says. 

My lower lip is quivering and I can't fucking stop it before he looks up at me, and catches me trying to still it by pressing my lips together in a thin line. He smiles. 

"Baby..." he whispers and lifts his hand to my face and uses his thumb to pull at my lower lip and I take a deep breath and he brushes his thumb over my lip as it wobbles and he smiles. 

"You're too pretty to cry." he says and leans in and kisses my mouth.

"Royce." I say his name, because once I start kissing him, I won't stop. I wanted to crawl into him right now.

"Before we talk about anything else...you need to know something" he whispers and I shake my head and my eyes water and he smiles and nods. 

"Yes." he argues softly. 

"You said something to me a few days ago, and then ran off on me without letting me say a single word." he says and I suck in a breath. 

"I love you Kitty." he says it so easily, but exhales deeply as if those words have lifted a weight and he puts his forehead to mine, grabbing my face in both hands. 

"I've loved you for a long fucking time. And fuck. I've wanted to say it for so long. but I knew you had to be the first to say it, that if I said it before you were ready...you'd have thrown my ass to the curb" he says and I laugh through my tears and I nod.

"Yeah, you're right" I say and he smiles and gives a slight laugh. 

"But I've known I loved you for a long time...I need you to know that....that you've been so fucking important me..that even when I was with other girls, it was only because I was afraid of what you'd do if you thought we were getting to close to each other...and...so my fucking parents would get off my case...but, all I ever have fucking wanted since we were paired up for that fucking assignment...was the eye rolling, fishnet wearing, stubborn ass girl." he says and I nod.

"Me too." I sniffle and he exhales and then kisses me hard and then in seconds our mouths are parted, sealing our confessions with a kiss that makes my scalp prickle and the hairs on my arms stand up and sends a thrilling chill down my spine.

"I love you" I repeat the words that sent me running days ago. "I love you" I say it again and he slips his fingers into my hair, grabbing it and kisses me passionately with a groan. 

"Say it again...don't fucking stop saying it baby" he groans and I pull him harder into the kiss our mouths panting and I whimper. 

"I love you....I love you" I repeat the words to him. 

"I love you so much" I almost cry the words and he groans and then slides a hand between my legs. 

"royce, we still need to talk" I say as I push his hand, breathless, and wanting more of him, but also needing to hear why he's here. Needing to hear it all, and it's scary in that moment, how the need to hear him tell me overpowers my need for his kisses, and his touch. For the first time my heart is letting him in fully , and it needs the parts of him that are missing. Not the ones I've already had countless times.

"I can't help it." he groans. 

"Hearing you say that, has me so fucking hard Kit" he groans and bites my lip. 

"God, ive wanted to hear that for so fucking long" he keeps kissing me, but his hands stay on my face and I don't stop him, because I like kissing him too much, especially with those words on his lips in return. 

"I love you so much baby" he whispers and I whimper, because fuck, I wasnt a "baby" kind of girl, but maybe that's because I never wanted anyone but him to call me that. 

I pull back. 

"We'll never talk if we dont stop kissing." I say my breathing heavy and both of our eyes are sizing each other up , for how long we'll be able to go before we're kissing again. 

"You're right" he says and sighs. 

"Maybe I should..." I say as I push up and groans, his hands holding onto me. I laugh as I move into the seat beside him, the sarms of our chairs between us. I grab his hand. "There"I say. 

"now...talk" I say and he inhales and lets it out slowly. 

"My mom....she....she fucking overdosed." he says and I grip his hand tighter and he looks at our hands. 

"I found her on the floor in the bathroom....she...." he makes a face and he looks angry, looks disgusted. 

"She had vomit all over herself....she was on her side....I called nine one one. She barely had a fucking pulse." he says and is still staring our hands. 

"Part of me...hoped she wouldn't..." he shakes his head and I put my other hand over his, holding his hand with both of mine. 

"It's okay." I say and I his tighten his lips as he tries to fight the tears in his eyes. 

"I had hoped she wouldnt make it Kit. What kind of son wishes that?" he says ashamed of himself and I, rub my hand over his arm. 

"It's just....this isn't the first fucking time....and...it's intentional...she wants to fucking die....so...I just hoped she'd get what she fucking wanted...if she's so fucking miserable...then maybe she's better off" he says and breaks down, his hand slipping from mine as he puts his head in both hands and I hear the worst noise I've ever heard, and it's Royce crying, a sob so heavy he's shaking and I can't help but cry with him, tears soaking my face as I slip down to the floor on my knees in front of him, my hands on his forearms. 

"It doesnt make you a bad person Royce. For thinking that." I somehow manage to get the words out. 

"There's no right or wrong way to feel about it." I say, wishing I had something better to say, wishing I could fucking take away whatever pain or sadness or anger he was feeling. I'd take it all if I could, and deal with it for him. 

"My dad hasn't even come to see her." he says and keeps his head down and in his hands as I stil hold onto his forearms. 

"He stopped coming after the second time she put herself in the hospital." he says and my heart shatters, because how many times had this happened? How often did this happen?

"How..how many times has it happened?" I ask. 

When he lifts his head, his eyes are read, his cheeks are wet, and god, I'd do anything to never have to see him like this ever again. Royce didn't deserve to hurt like this. He was too good for life to be this cruel to him. 

"From overdosing? Five times." he says and I swallow. 

"There's been two other times...different failed attempts." he says.

"What?" I ask. 

"One time our housekeeper found her in the bath tub, water running. The water overflowing the tub was pink. With her blood." he says and I lift a hand and clap it over my mouth. 

"Royce" my voice is strangled, because how? How did he put on such a good act for everyone when he was living a horror story? 

"She takes medication. Sees doctors. Therapists. And....she has brain damage from all the drugs kit...and the overdosing...it's ...she's not even the same person....she's either sweet , or fucking evil...the shit she says sometimes." he shakes his head. 

"Royce" I i say his name and he looks at me again. 

He heaves a shaky breath , and lifts the neck of his shirt up and wipes his cheeks. 

"It's fine...ya know...it is what it is" he says already prepared to brush it off when he sees how much Im crying. 

"No." I shake my head and I push between his legs and I'm wrapping my arms around his torso, pushing my face into his chest. I'm afraid I might never let go. Afraid that Royce will crumble into tiny pieces if I dont stay like this and hold him together. 

"It's not fine...none of this is fine." I croak into his chest and he wraps his arms around me. 

"Tell me what to do...what to say...I'll do anything for you" I sob into his chest. 

He lets out a laugh as he strokes my hair. 

"Just...be you." he says. "That's all I've ever needed Kitty." he says and I hug him even tighter. 

The door to the room opens and I hear a nurse apologize. 

"Sorry, I didnt ...I um...my apologies...but your mother was asking for you." she says. 

I keep my face hidden in his chest and I listen to him tell the nurse he'll be right there. 

He strokes my hair and kisses my head. 

"I'll be right back." he says. I shake my head almost violently, moving to stand with him as he gets up out of the chair and I keep my arms around him. 

"I'll go with you" I say and pull back and look up at him and he gives me, somehow, the sweetest smile, lifting his hands to my face, his thumbs swiping my cheeks. 

"Just let me say goodnight to her, then I'll get you home." he says. 

"Take me with you." I say. "Please." I say again.

"She's....she might be...rude." he says. 

I shake my head. "I don't care. I want to meet her." 

He sighs. "This is a lot Kit...I won't be mad if you take this in baby steps...we dont have to do everything all at once."

"Take me to meet her Royce." I say , my brows furrowing slightly and he smiles and nods. 

"Whatever you stay stubborn girl" he says and kisses my forehead and his lips linger there as he whispers.

"I'm going to love you forever Kit."