EroticReverie

Hadley

I steal a shirt from Tobias’s bedroom , a faded dark grey shirt that he used to wear constantly. I don’t need it for sleeping. I normally sleep naked. But I needed a piece of comfort. I needed something of his around me , because it was too late for me to be asking for actual comfort from him. 

I wash my face and then go into the guest bedroom and peel off my outfit. Removing the fishnets , the skirt and the pasties from my nipples. 

I exhale as I pull Tobias’s shirt down over me. Inhaling the collar of the shirt that smells like him as I walk over to the bed and pull the covers back. 

I wasn’t actually tired. I just didn’t want to sit there with all of them. I couldn’t. I couldn’t look at any of them anymore without hating myself.  I knew how hard they tried to help me. But I didn’t want their help. Even though, deep down I knew I did. And I needed it. But I was too proud and most of the time too drunk or high to admit that I needed them. They’d been like brothers to me my entire life. Actual brothers.  Because none of them ever hit on me, none of them sexualized me or tried to hook up with me. We were each other’s lifelines and support system when we had shit fathers who gave no fucks.  

I think about Abel. How I fell for him. Wondering if it was my daddy issues that made me fall for a guy who was half way to a century old. After what he did, after hitting me. It didn’t matter if I thought I loved him. Because he clearly didn’t love me.  I was reckless but I wouldn’t allow myself to become a victim to a man’s abuse. I’d just thought he was different. I’d thought he truly loved me and wanted to take care of me. But I was nothing more than a whore to him. And I wonder what he planned on doing with me with his friend and with Rick. 

We were older so we didn’t tour with our dads as much now. The guys could take care of themselves. And me, I was old enough to take care of myself too. Which meant more partying , more drugs, more men, more alcohol. Maybe a part of me loved Abel because he didn’t want to change me. Of course he didn’t.  I was a nineteen year old that liked to party and liked to fuck him. 

I wonder what they’re talking about downstairs. Knowing they’re down there discussing me. Discussing Abel. What Tobias did. A small part of me worrying about Abel, even knowing he doesn’t deserve my concern.  

I think about Tobias. The way he’d gone off the hinges on Abel. The way that his fists cracked against Abel’s face and made him bleed everywhere. For me. Tobias. Sweet Tobais nearly killed a man for hitting me. It wasn’t surprising. Tobias was the only one left in our group that still thought I was worth a damn at saving. I didn’t blame the others for giving up on me. It’s what I wanted after all. To be left alone. To drown myself in the lifestyle and to forget that it hurt everytime I thought about my mom.  Trying to forget I had a father who wasn’t a father at all. 

But Tobias, he never gave up on me. Not once. He’d tried to save me so many times. In so many ways. But I wouldn’t let him. Didn’t want him to save me. Didn’t want to be saved at all. It was easier to run from problems than to face them. And the fame of being “Hades” made the amount of ways to avoid my problems flow easily. There was always a party. Always a drink to be had or a drug to be taken. A guy or girl to fuck the pain away with. 

I’m not sure how long I lay there staring at the ceiling , but when I hear footsteps coming I turn away from the door and face the other way. Pretending to be asleep. Because I know it’s Tobias. And I know he’ll check on me. So I shut my eyes and try to breathe normally as he knocks softy and the door opens slowly. 

“You up?” He whispers. 

“Hadley?” He whispers again a moment later. 

He walks into the room and around the bed and I force myself to not let my eyes flit or move and keep my breathing slow and steady. 

He sits down on the bed and I feel him move slightly and then feel his fingers brush a few stray hairs from my face and he sighs. 

“I’ll never let anyone hurt you. I promise.” He says quietly. 

“I know you’re still there” he says and my heart tightens. 

“I know the girl I knew is still there. And I’m sorry I didn’t protect you well enough” he says softly and I feel him stand and then feel his lips on my forehead. 

“But I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be here Had” he says and I hold back swallowing the lump in my throat. 

“I’ll be here when youre ready to face your demons, and I’ll be here until then too…I’ll never give up on you Hadley. Never.” He whispers and kisses my cheek. 

I let out a heavy breath after he leaves the room and let tears I haven’t cried in years spill down my cheeks as I cry silently. 

I’m not sure how long I lay there crying but at least an hour goes by when I can’t fall asleep. My feet carrying me from the bed to his door. Standing there silently, trying to force myself to go in. 

“Hadley?” I hear him call my name. My body freezing. 

“Yeah?” I answer softly and then head him shuffle out of bed and then wait for him to open the door as I cross my arms over my self. Holding my self. Unable to walk away now that he knows I’m out here. 

His door opens and my eyes immediately flood with tears. 

I drop my arms and his reach out and pull me into a hug. His arms wrapping around me and one reaching up to cradle my head as I cry into his chest. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me” I choke out. 

He kisses the top of my head. 

“There’s nothing wrong with you” he whispers. 

“Youre just lost Had” he says and I cry harder and slips my arms around him and hold him tight and feel him let out a breath of relief and he wraps both arms around me and stands there hugging me. A hug I didn’t know I needed and I don’t know that last time I got one. Probably from him at my mothers funeral. 

“I miss you too” I say. Going back to earlier when I was cleaning him up at his dining room table. When he told me he missed me. 

“I’m right here Hadley, I’ll always be here” he says and I nod. 

“I love you, you know that right?”

He says and it’s not the first time we’ve said it. The other guys and I used to tell each other all the time. We were our own little family. 

I nod as I sniffle. My nails digging into his skin with my tight hold on him. Feeling grounded for the first time in a long time. 

“Love you too” I squeak out and he hugs me even tighter. 

“You can sleep in here if you want” he says and I nod. Because when my mother died , I hated to be alone. Especially at night. For weeks after her death Tobias stayed with me, slept with me in my bed. Just laying next to me and rubbing my back and telling me it’d be okay. 

Then eventually I started finding other people to fill my bed. Ones that didn’t mean anything to me. Ones that didn’t make me feel as comfortable but still made it easier to fall asleep at night. 

He pulls back the covers for me and like the good guy he is he goes to pull the covers over me. 

“You don’t have to do that” I say quietly , knowing he’d lay ontop of his covers like he always did when he’d laid with me. To keep it as platonic as possible. 

He doesn’t say anything for a moment. And then he pulls the covers back and gets under them with me and stays on his side of the bed. 

We lay there in silence and I look at him stare at the ceiling.  His eyes open and his hands lifted behind his head. 

“Tobias?” I call his name and he turns his head. 

“Hm?” He hums in response 

“Is it okay if I ask you to hold me?” I whisper. 

“Yes.” He answers and then we’re both moving toward each other and I turn my back to him as he wraps his arm around me.

He’s warm and he feels so safe and the comfort in his arms is unmatched. A comfort I couldn’t find anywhere else. I feel him shift slightly , and know that he’s putting space between us for a reason. 

“It’s okay” I whisper.

I’ve known for awhile that me and Tobias had a deeper bond than the one I had with the others. I also knew that Tobias didn’t just love me. But actually. Loved me. Beyond just friends. It was something we ignored. Something we all pretended didn’t exist. 

“Sorry, I just, It just happens” he says and I move myself back to him. 

“It’s fine” I say and I feel my breath stall as I feel just how hard he is. 

“Hadley” he breathes unevenly.

“It’s okay” I say softly and I can’t help the way my ass curiously pushes against his cock through his sweat pants. 

“Hadley” he lets out a soft groan. 

“It’s okay” I say again and my hand lifts behind me me and grab his hip and push myself back into him. 

“We can’t do this” he says. 

“We’re not doing anything” I answer as I rub his cock with my ass a bit more. 

“Hadley” he groans softly again.

“This isn’t why I asked you to sleep in here” he says. 

“I know” I say quietly. 

“But it feels good” I whisper. 

He exhales 

His breath blowing at the back of my head. 

“Doesn’t it?” I ask as I let out of a soft sigh and tiny moan as I push my ass back against his bulge harder. 

“Hadley. I can’t. Not tonight. Not like this. Not after what happened earlier” he says and I grab his hand that’s around me and then bring his hand up the shirt of his I’m wearing and he sucks in a breath. 

“Why not?” I whisper back. “When we both want it” I say and place his hand on my breast. 

A heavy breath blows at the back of my head and my nipple tightens at his warm palm holding my breast.

“Touch me Tobias” I whisper 

“I need you to touch me” I say and his hand closes around my breast and I let out a soft moan and his hand moves and massages my breast. 

“God Hadley” he groans into my hair. 

“Touch me” I whisper and his hand slips down slightly and his finger push over my hard nipple as I grind myself against his cock. 

“Fuck” he mutters as his fingers push around my nipple and then pluck it. Two of his fingers pinching it softly and I gasp. 

“Tobias” I pant his name quietly.

“This is so bad Hadley” he whispers. 

“No it’s not” I argue quietly

“I’m not supposed to be touching you like this”

He says into my hair and hips hips push forward. His hand grabbing my breast as he groans pulling me into him. 

“Don’t you want me?” I ask. 

He sighs and groans. 

“You know I want you, you’re all I’ve wanted

Hadley, I want you so fucking bad”

He groans and I moan. 

“Fuck” he curses and his hand slides over to my other breast and he grabs that one while rocking his hips and grinding against my ass.

“I don’t want you like this Hadley” he groans. 

“I don’t want one night with you, I want you for more than just this” he says and I moan. 

“I don’t deserve to have you” I moan. 

“Yes you do, you were always supposed to be mine Hadley” he says and then kisses my neck and I groan at how soft and how sweet his kiss is. 

“You know you’re mine Hadley, you’ve always known it” he whispers in my ear and his voice makes my pussy ache. 

“I’ll always be yours Hadley” he whispers. 

“Just not tonight”