EroticReverie

Bailey Blue - One Week Later

"Alright, enough of this shit." Sawyer comes into the living room, turning off the tv as I shove a chocolate covered blueberry into my mouth with a scowl at him. 

"Turn that back on!" I yell at him as Bash and Bellamy, Lars and Roth all come in like some kind of "sad girl intervention" and I groan. Ready for their fucking speeches. 

They'd been pretty good to me this week, not giving me shit for blaring my angsty chick rock and sad break up songs. They've let me lounge around on the couch, leave my fucking shit everywhere, because I'm too fucking depressed to clean up after myself. 

"Ya fuckin stink, it's gross. Take a fuckin shower." Sawyer says and I scrunch my nose. 

"Don't be a dick." His twin brotther Bellamy says.

"what? It's fucking true..she hasnt showered all fucking week!" he says and gestures to me. "Hasnt changes her fucking clothes." he says of my sweats and oversized hoodie I'd stolen from Roth's closet, that hung to my fucking knees. 

"Screw you" I say and throw a blueberry at him. 

"No thanks, Id rather screw a hooker that rolled in fucking sewage over you right now" he says and I scoff and the few of them bite back laughter. 

"You fuck anything that walks, when did you get standards that fucking high?" I ask, giving him his shit right back and he smirks slightly. 

He walks over and grabs me by the collar of the hoody and I squeak as Im yanked up into a sitting position.

"Get your fucking shit together. It's been a god damn week. You look and smell like shit. Even your fancy girl candles cant hide the fucking smell of you rotting." he says and I slap his arms and he laughs and shakes me. 

"So get the fuck up....get in the god damn shower...while we pick up the depression cyclone that's ripped this fucking house apart for the past week....it's over...the pity party is done" he says and looks at my and my lip trembles. I was done crying over Mack. I really was. I knew I was better off, but that didn't mean the shit still didn't hurt. 

"I cant" I say. 

"Leave her alone." Roth says and I'm so fucking thankful for him. I still hate myself for being shitty to him, he was right, I had wanted to use him. Knowing that if I did, it would fuck things up, but I was so fucking hurt and just wanted to feel something good. And ...I just knew..Roth would have made me feel more than good. If he'd been less than anything other than a fucking amazing guy, he would have. Lord know if it was Sawyer, he'd have given me what I wanted. I was thankful for Roth. My big giant teddy bear, protecting me even now from Sawyer's tough love act. 

"no" Sawyer argues. "She doesnt get to fucking waster another fucking day on him!" he says angrily. And I know he's trying to do right be my, I know he's trying to snap me out of it, but I can't , or I dont want, I dont know. I just want to lay here, and watch rom coms, and sob, and eat chocolate covered fruit, so I can tell myself "its not that bad" for me. 

"Chill the fuck out." Roth says and moves forward and steps in front of Sawyer who huffs. 

My lips is quivering as Roth squats down in front of me. 

"Blue..." he says and my lip wobbles. 

He lowers his chin and peers at me through his dark lashes. 

"Need you to do us all favor Blue...and drag your sad little behind to the shower...cause ....there's no nice way to put it Blue...ya fucking smell babe" he says and I choke out a cry. 

"I know" I sob. 

I watch, looking up at Sawyer as he rubs his hands over his face. The others looking at me. 

"I just physically cant..." I cry. "I cant, and i dont know why, and you all think im fucking stupid for crying over him..i know you do" I say looking at them. 

"We've never thought you were stupid" Bash says. 

"Ever." Lars echoes, the others shaking their heads. 

"I'm just fucking sad okay...I can't...move...my body is tired...my mind is tired...im just fucking..tired...and sad" I cry again. 

"Then let us help Blue." he says and grabs my face and lifts it.

"Can I bring you to the shower?" he asks and my lips is trembling as tears stream down my cheeks and I nod. 

"thank god" Sawyer says and I crinkle my brows and Roth shoots him a look. 

"Cmon Blue, I've got you, we've all fucking got you, alright? And we're gonna get you up...wash you up...and feed you something other than chocolate..." Roth says. 

"There's fruit in it" I say my voice still cracking. 

Roth gives me a little smile and shakes his head. "Yeah babe...that doesnt count" 

"says you" I say and he smiles and pulls my face to his, pressing our forehead together. 

"says everyone Blue...now come on." he says and kisses my forehead in the way he always does and then scoops me up off the couch and the others let out a sigh as he carries me out of the room. I sniff myself. 

"Do I really smell?" I ask. 

"Yeah." he says with a half laugh.  "You do."

I don't know why but I start to cry. "I'm sorry." 

"Hey" he says, pushing into the bathroom and setting me on the counter, holding my face as I hiccup on a soft cry. He lifts my chin, 

"You've got nothing to be sorry for...you're hurting...we know you are...and you're allowed to hurt...but not like this...cause sitting around doing nothing....isnt gonna make you feel better....and honestly....it's fucking killing every single one of us...we're fucking worried about you....we're always worried about you..." he says and my lip tremble. 

"c'mon, let's get you into the shower." he says as I just sniffle. 

"I want to...i just...i dont have the energy" I cry. 

"Alright then." he says.  I watch as he turns, turning the water on and I watch as he tests it out.

"You have underwear on?" he asks. My brows pinch.

"What?" I ask. 

"Under your sweat and my hoodie." he says. 

"I have a tank top and underwear on." I say and he nods. I watch as he walks over , grabs the hoodie and pulls it up. 

"Roth" I protest with a whimper. 

"shhh." he hushes me as he pulls it off and then sweeps my messy hair back over my shoulder. 

"You gotta shower babe." he says and gently pulls me off the counter and I stand, whimpering as I cry softly as he peels my pants down off me. It was embarassing. 

Not being in my fucking underwear and a tank top, but needing someone to treat me like a fucking child, because id let some ego maniac wanna be rockstar break my fucking heart into a million pieces, so much so that I couldnt even function like an adult and take care of myself in the most basic ways, even though I wanted to. 

"Roth." I cry and he hushes me again as I place my hands on his shoulders as he lifts my feet one my one, pulling off the sweats and my socks. 

"It's alright...i got you" he says and I don't miss the way his eyes purposefully avoid my legs and my lower body as he stands and looks me in the eyes, like a gentleman, not taking advantage of the view in the least bit. 

I swallow as I stand there and he lifts his shirt. I inhales, because I'd never not lose my breath just a little bit around these men with their shirts off. 

"Cmon" he says, leaning down, grabbing behind my thighs. 

"Your pants" I say. 

"They're fine. They'll dry." he says of his jeans he has in, as I wrap my arms around his neck and he holds my thighs as my legs wrap around him and I cry a little more. 

How come Mack was never like this? How come Mack couldnt love me the way Roth and the guys did? How come he didnt care about me even half as much as they did? 

The second the water hits me, I feel relief. I cry harder into his neck as he steps under the shower with me, the water wetting my hair and he lifts me up a little bit more , slidding an arm around under my ass to hold me up , the other slipping up my wet tank top and into my hair, he kisses my temple. 

"We've got you, you got this" he says. 

"You're okay" he says and kisses my temple again. 

He just stands there, letting the water soak me, soak him, and I feel so bad, making him stand here in his jeans and fucking baby me. But, I'm grateful, grateful for him and the others. For always being there no matter what. The only people in this world that I could always count on. 

There was something so intimate in this moment, him making sure I was okay, staying with me to shower, holding me to him as the water slicked my tank top to my body. I couldnt help it, I wanted him. I wanted Roth. But I remembered the day Mack broke up with me, the way I'd made him feel. Would he believe me if I said it wasnt about revenge? Would he believe me if I just told him that I didnt know why I needed him right now, but I just did? That more than ever I wanted to cross that line we'd all put in place and just get lost in him? 

I couldn't, because I couldnt trust myself to know what I truly wanted. Was I still just heart broken and searching for something? Or had I finally realized what the fuck was in front of me all along? Several men that would do anything for me. Six of them that cherished me and thought I hung the fucking moon. One in particular that was holding me like he'd never let me go. I swallow back my words, push away my thoughts of where I want this to go. Plus, a depressed mess of a female wasn't exactly the biggest fucking turn on, and right now I was sure I had zero fucking sex appeal. 

I closed my eyes and clung to him tighter. 

"thank you" I say quietly. 

"you're welcome" he says and strokes my back, his hand sliding up under my wet tank top, just rubbing my back. It's not a move, it's not sexual, and even though it stirs more of a secret desire inside of me, I don't do anything about it. Because it's also comforting, and relaxing and I could fall asleep like this in the silence of the water drumming against my back, my head on his shoulder as he twists his hips slowly, actually fucking rocking me, like I was a baby. 

I want to argue that Im not a fucking baby, but....it's working...calming me like a fucking baby and I sigh as he keeps rubbing my back. 

"Love you so much Blue" he whispers. 

I nod against his shoulder. "Love you too"