EroticReverie

Dahlia

It's the middle of the night, and I'm still furious over the way Lincoln came so close to giving into me, so fucking close before he tore himself away and fled out of the fucking bedroom, leaving me there so fucking angry and sad, and just beyond frustrated. I screamed. I screamed and I tore his room apart. I pulled his covers from the mattress, tore apart his closet, tore every last knife off his fucking torphy wall of sin and threw them across the room one at a time. Wailing them in every direction, hitting the walls, the windows, his dresser, the bed. 

I grabbed the biggest one and dug the blade into the matress and yanked as it ripped at the thick fabric, tearing and ripping, cutting holes into his bed. Screaming like a fucking mad woman. I was literally going insane and I couldnt stop. I stabbed his pillows and ripped them all open feathers flying and the blade cutting my hand, but I didn't stop. My blood smearing and dripping as I ripped open another, viciously ripping apart his bed. The place where I'd let him destroy me and ruin me, and tease me and make me cum for him, the place where I let him degrade me and cut into my skin and taste my fucking blood countless times, the place where I let his hands deal me body pain, his worse cut my heart like fucking razors , time and time again.

 I gave so fucking much to him, constantly. I was done. I was so fucking done. In hindisght the visual of me throwing his sex toys and implements he'd used on me around the room like a fucking psychopath, was probably comical. The thud of large fucking silicone dildos wobbling as they flew through the fucking anger charge air as I screamed at the top of my lungs. 

But I didnt care, I tore every last fucking bit of his room apart. I wasn't even sure how long I'd spent destroying his room, just that when I had nothing left inside of me, I fell to the floor, and buried my face in my still bleeding hand and cried so fucking hard I couldnt breathe. I hypervenilated until my body gave out and I either fell asleep or passed out, I dont even know. I'd blacked out, and came to with Landon picking me up off the floor. 

At first I startled and then I buried myself into him as he carried me out of the room, my eyes taking in the shameful destruction of a fucking crazy bitch who threw a fucking temper tantrum because one of the men she loved couldnt fucking stand to touch her apparently. I felt sick seeing what I'd done. But I grit my teeth angrily, wishing I couldnt do it again. I would do it a million times. The pleasure courses through me, of letting go. How I had let every fucking single emotion come crashing out of me in the time I spent tearing apart Lincoln's bedroom. 

I'm taken from the bedroom and to the bathroom. I'm sat on the counter. I flinch when I turn my face and look at the mirror, dark red splotches of my own dried blood on my face. I look down at my hand. The entire with dried blood, and the cut, not that deep was no longer bleeding and crusted with blood along the cut. 

Landon doesn't say a word and I don't even try, because my throat hurts, and I don't even have anything to say. It was like ripping apart his room had been theraputic somehow, but still left me feeling stupid and empty and helpless. 

Landon turns on the faucet and holds out his hand for mine, and I give it to him. Looking away when his eyes lift to mine. He doesn't say anything as he brings my hand to the warm stream of water and I look back. Watching the pink water swirl down the drain as he cleans the blood from my hand gently. 

Without a word he walks over to the big claw foot tub and starts a bath. Walking back over he grabs a washcloth and runs it in the warm water of the sink and starts to wash my arms and my face, my thigh, places where my own blood smeared or dried. Still no words between us. I wonder if he's angry at what I've done, or if he's proud of me for it, or if it's a little of both. I'm too tired to really care all that much. 

When he's done spot cleaning me like a fucking baby, he grabs the bottom of Lincolns shirt and lifts it off me and I lift my arms and he pulls it up and off me and then tosses it to the floor and then looks at me. I shiver slightly, and I lift my eyes and look up at him. I can't really read his face, but he takes mine in his hands and leans in and tilts my head down and kisses my forehead.

"I need you to be okay Dahlia." he whispers.

"Whatever you need...I'll do it for you. Anything Dahlia. Anything at all." he says and I feel my eyes fall shut. If I hadnt cried so much before I'd probably be crying now, but now I just feel the ache in my heart, and in my bones, every part of me just so tired. 

"Did he hurt you?" he asks. 

I shake my head. He kisses my forehead again as the tub fills across the room, the sound of the water soothing me gently along with his hand stroking my messy hair and his lips pressing adoring kisses to my forehead over and over. 

"Did he do that to his room, or did you?" he asks. Which I thought was obvious by the blood stains on the bedding and carpet, but apparently not. 

"Me." I say, my voice raw and I wince , my voice a mere squeak of breath. I'd made myself lose my voice screaming and crying over Lincoln. 

He sighs and places another kiss to my forehead. 

"Let's get you into the bath." he says. 

Without a nod or a word, I slip off the counter as he gently holds me, making sure I can move on my own. Walking me over to the top, holding my hand as I get in and sink down into the water. Inviting the bite of the hot water at my toes and feet, and up along my calves and then sitting down and sighing as I lay back, letting the water continue to fill near my feet. 

I just watch the water as it continues to rise, the splash of the stream from the faucet against the surface and the way the water bubbles beneath as it plunges into the tub. Landon sits there on the edge of the tub, and gently pushes my hair back from my face, then when the water has reached a decent height, he shifts down the tub and turns it off, sitting on the edge of the tub and looking down at me. 

I don't meet his gaze. I just stare at the end of the tub, then lift my hand and look down at the cut on my palm and then lower my hand back into the water.

I can feel it in the air that he wants to say something, so I don't look up, I keep staring at the water. My breasts just below the clear line of water, the water was so hot, and felt good against my skin. I knew I'd have to use extra lotion and body oil with the way the heat of it was going to dry out my skin. But it felt good as was claming the little psychopath inside me that was replaying the black out of going absolutely insane in Lincoln's room. 

"Lincoln doesn't trust women." Landon says. I don't look up. That wasn't really news to me. I knew that form his ex, that broke his heart. 

"Every woman he's trusted...has burned him." Landon says. 

I shrug. As if it was an excuse to make me suffer for other peoples mistakes. I may have been dark inside too, so was Landon, and Salem, and Jasper, but they didnt take it out on me the way Lincoln did. And I didnt take it out on them that I was fucked up. And I was able to take Lincoln's fucked up mind, and his brand of "love" and his little games, because I wanted them. I wanted them because they were part of him, and a because I enjoyed being hurt. Physically...even emotionally. There was nothing any of them could do or say that could hurt me anymore than my past.

Landon sighs. "Eventually...he....eventually he'll probably tell you." 

I lift my eyes. 

"You didn't want him near me. Now you're making excuses for him. Which is it?" I ask. My voice dull and dead, with zero emotion. 

Landon shakes his head. 

"It's not that we don't want you near him Dahlia. We just...it's gone on too long. The way he.."

I cut him off.

"So it's okay when you or the others want to punish me? But not when he does it? How are you any different than him? Because you've fucked me?" I ask. 

Landon blinks. 

"No..I.."

"Remember the time you didn't listen to my safe word? When you gagged me so I couldnt say it anymore when you had me tied to my bed? when you raped me?" I say. 

"Dahlia..I.."

"It's fine." I say. "You know I liked it. You know I wanted you to. Everything Lincoln has done...I've let him do to me. He doesnt force me to go back to him. I go to him , because I love him. Because even though he's fucked up , ...we all are....and just because I might cry, or break a little more with him...I don't care. I didnt ask you to fucking save me from him." 

I look away from him. 

"I know you care about me. I know you love me. I know you all worry. But I'm not some stupid little girl Landon. I know I can walk out of this house anytime I want. That I CHOOSE to be here, I CHOOSE to let you all play your games with me. Does Lincoln make me fucking crazy? Yes. Does he hurt me beyond the ways and a hell of a lot more than you Jasper and Salem? Yes. But it isnt for YOU three to decide what I'm allowed to do with Lincoln. You don't want Lincoln controlling me, but it's absolutely fine when you three do it? It's hypocritical and unfair."

"I dont need you tell me Lincoln has skeletons in his closet. I know that. I know there's a reason to why he is the way he is...a reason to why you're the way you are. He's your best friend...and you'd take me away from him, when that's what he's afraid of? Make it make sense Landon."  I look at him. 

I was angry with myself. For being angry with Landon , Salem and Jasper. And angry with Lincoln. I didn't know whose side I was on. The three that cared enough about my mental health to rip me from the claws of the man that could break me the best? Or the one that was so fucking broken, that he enjoyed hurting me, the one that loved me but couldnt give up control?  The five of us could fucking keep a therapist busy for hours a day with the fucked up mindsets we had, the things we had to uncover and dig up from within ourselves. 

It hurts my brain to imagine having to explain why I like the way Lincoln makes me feel. Whether it's the desire and pleasure he gives me, or the fucking catastrophic bludgeoning of his cruel words that tear at my soul and my fucking heart. I loved it all, it was all it's own brand of pleasure.  I couldn't explain why I craved his cruelty. Many would think I'm a fucking nutcase if they knew the things Lincoln did to me or said to me, and the fact I enjoyed them even when it made me cry and ripped my fucking heart from my chest. Because in his own way....he always put the pieces back together at some point. It was the building up and breaking down, over and over. It was a roller coaster, and Id always get back in line to take another ride with him. I couldnt tell you exactly why. And he wouldnt be able to tell anyone why he loved to hurt me and steal my tears. I believed Lincoln when he said he didn't want to hurt me. That he needed to. Because I understood. I knew I shouldnt want a man or anyone to say cruel things to me, to cause me any kind of pain, but I did. Maybe it was because it made the building me back up each time more exciting and pleasurable. Who the fuck knows?

I look and Landon and I sigh as he just sits there. 

"I'm just...I don't mean to be ungrateful for the way you three have tried to take care of me...you know I love you all. With everything in me. I'm just, we're all just...a mess." I say and Landon sits there and looks at me still. 

"Just tell me what you want me to do Dahlia. Do you really want us to sit by when it comes to him? Let him do whatever he wants?" he asks. 

I shrug. 

"I think so." I say honestly. 

"Well if you're not sure, then I'm going to fucking save you from him. And you can't ask me to not. You cant ask that of any of us. Cause if it was you, that had to watch us slowly go fucking mad, you'd do whatever you could to stop it...would you not?" he argues. 

I bite my lip together. 

"Did you see what the fuck you did to his room?" he asks. 

"That's not okay Dahlia. You two are going to fucking destroy each other." he says. 

"I could give a fuck about the damage to his shit. What I mean, is it's not okay for your fucking brain to fucking short circuit and go fucking crazy...cause that room...that room is not something the Dahlia we know would do. You're fucking losing it. You keep letting shit with him fester. You think you CHOOSE to let him do it. No babe...you're fucking addicted to it. You can't fucking stop yourself. You're broken. He's broken. You're not gonna fucking fix each other.And maybe I've got shit to work on too...but you two are....jesus fucking christ...it's exhausting to even watch...I cant imagine what it's like for either of you." he says and I swallow. 

I was addicted. It was true. Maybe it's not as much of a choice as I want it to be. 

"My brain hurts. I don't want to talk anymore." I say and Landon accepts this. He slips down the side of the tub grabs my head and kisses the top of it. 

"When you're done. Come downstairs for dinner please." he says and I nod.