EroticReverie

Cade

Seeing her felt like having still healing wounds pried back open and salt poured in. She was even more beautiful now somehow. There was no denying, that I was still in love with her. In love with a girl who was no longer mine to be in love in with, a girl who'd made me so fucking happy and then broken my heart. My first fucking heart break, and it was quite the fucking bitch to deal with. 

I'd thrown myself into the gym when they left. Half to keep my mind off the fact that they were shacked up in the cabin together, living the life I wanted for myself. The other half was fucking childish, and stupid. Thinking that if I was more like him, that maybe when she came back...she'd reazlie her mistake and choose me over him.

Weeks ago though I realized, that though process was unhealthy, selfish and just flat out embarrassing for myself. To compare myself to my own brother, to model myself after him to have the girl he has. I knew deep down, no matter how bad I had wanted things to turn out different and still do, that she'd never be mine. Not in the same way she was his. We all knew it. Ariella was Asher's from the beginning. And the fucker allowed all of us to fall in love with her too. 

I loved my brother, I always have and always will. But there will always be a part of me that will forever be jealous that no matter what I did, or what I could ever do...he's always going to be the one she chooses. There was never a fucking question in her heart or her head of who she was going to choose. I know now, that the only reason it was difficult at all , was because she didn't want to hurt anyone else. I have no doubt that Ari not only loved us, but was in love with all of us. It just happened that, what she had and still so fucking clearly has with my brother, none of us could compare. 

They're not even back for five minutes before I can fucking hear the sounds of her upstairs in his room. Clenching my jaw I fight with the urge to stay and listen, and the urge to fucking go back in the gym and blare my fucking music to drown the sounds of them out. My cock twitches at a short piercing noise of her voice, an escpaed scream, and then the faint pounding of his headboard on the wall. 

footsteps carry down the stairs and I just stand, bracing myself on the counter, hands gripping the edge and taking breaths. 

"Same brother, same" Westlan says as he finds me trying to fucking accept that this was going to be a common occurence. Listening to the two of them go at it. Before it was easier to listen to, knowing that at some point I'd be the one under her or over her. But not anymore. 

Westlan slaps a hand on my shoulder. "You good?" he asks, and I wish I was more like him, more like my father, better at accepting that what we had with her was done, ended, and never happening again. 

"No" I say honestly. "Im not fucking good." 

Westlan sighs, grabbing a beer from the fridge and then another, popping one open and handing it to me. I shake my head. 

"Fucking drink it, and calm down." he says. 

"you need to work on getting over it" he says.

I glare at him. " I have been" I argue through gritted teeth. 

He huffs. "no..you've been thinking about her every fucking second since she's left...just cause you're keeping busy in the fucking gym non stop like a fucking meat head doesnt count as working on it." 

"She chose him Cade. She chose him day fucking one." Westlan says. But there's no anger there, no resentment for her or my brother or the choice that was made. 

"How can you just....be so fucking fine with it?" I ask, taking the beer, taking a long pull from the bottle.

"how can I not be? Do I have a fucking choice?" he asks and I grumble.

"Listen...I get it...trust me....I could sit here with you and wallow in the fact I'm never gonna fucking have her ever again...or...I can continue to be happy for her. Love her the RIGHT way...and want her to be happy." he says and I dont know why but it surprises me that the biggest clown of the family has it in him to be so fucking logical and level headed. 

"It's not that fucking easy." I bite.

"Of course it's not, but you can either be fucking miserable forever, or you can take your ass into town, and start going to pound town with the girls waiting for us." he says and I huff.

"I dont want to fuck other girls." I argue.

He shrugs. "More for me then. And you can be a sad fucking sap beating your dick to the sounds of her fucking someone else." 

I snarl at him. 

"She's never going to change her mind." Westlan says, and the words irritate me, even though I already fucking know the truth of them. 

"she's his." Westlan says.

"I fucking know that." I exhale annoyed.

"Do you? Cause it seems to me, half the fucking problem you're having is letting yourself believe that you're gonna ever be him. You can pump iron all you fucking want...it's not his fucking body she's in love with Cade." 

I shoot him a look. My cheeks fucking heating in embarrassment over the fact my brother knows exactly how my fucking mind had been working when I was in the gym. 

"I fucking love her." I say. 

"Too bad." Westlan says. 

"She's happy. He's fucking happy. Quit being a selfish fucking prick, and man up." he says, another shock. 

"You think it's not gonna suck for all of us, seeing them happy? Yeah man, it fucking sucks that I'm not in Ashers place...but I dont want to be there if she doesnt fucking want me there. Ya get me? Why would you want to force something that's not there? She doesnt fucking love us like she loves him. It sucks...it hurts..I fuckin get it man...and Im not saying that it shouldnt...but you cant fucking hang onto that shit...you gotta let them be happy. Cause you'd want it for yourself if it was you. So quit being a selfish little bitch." he says and my nostrils flare.

Over the months him and my father have let me fucking spiral and feel sorry myself , have let me wallow in anger and jealousy and deal with it in my own way. But clearly, it hasnt fucking worked...and they've seemed fucking fine. 

There was a lot of silence the first week or so as we ALL wallowed. But then him and my dad just picked themselves up and went on like the blue haired girl that crashed into our lives had never happened. 

"Tonight...you're getting laid." Westland says and I roll my eyes.

"Dont be a little bitch." Westlan says. "Your dick needs to forget her." 

"It's not my fucking dick that's the problem." I growl.

West rolls his eyes. "Boo hoo, we're getting you laid." 

I shake my head and pull another sip of the beer as the headboard pounds harder upstairs and I grit my teeth as a yelp from Ari carries downstairs.

"fuck" I mutter.

"yeah...can't lie...my dick misses that." West says shaking his head and taking a drink of his beer. 

"tonight. You. Me. And a town full of pretty squirrels." he says and nudges me. 

"yeah, fine" I mutter as we listen to the scream of Ari cumming. 

"Jesus christ." I exhale.

"Yeah....they're fucking assholes for that." West laughs. I just shake my head. 

"I can't listen to that shit everyday." I say.

"That's why you're gonna pick up a few squirrels tonight, and bring them home to drown out those two love birds" he says and I sigh. 

"They wont be her." I say just looking at the counter.

"yeah, gonna take awhile to top that one won't it?" Westlan says. 

I give a single nod.

"Fricken smurf baby" he shakes his head and I laugh just the slightest bit. 

"yep." I agree.

"go take a shower, i can smell your fuckin balls from here." West says and slaps his hand on my back and then walks away and into the garage leaving me chuckling quietly and shaking my head. 

He's right though. They deserve to be happy. I'm being selfish. Pathetic even. There was no point in any of the wallowing I've fucking done , and I'd wasted too much time pining for a girl that would never again be mine. 

but I close my eyes , picturing what she looks like right now. How she always looked after sex. Picturing every inch of her body that I'd forever have committed to my memory. The picture i've been jerking off to every god damn day. 

I dump the rest of my beer and take my sorry ass to the bathroom upstairs and turn on the shower, and once I'm inside, I place a hand to the wall hang my head as the cold water does nothing to rid me of the raging hard on of the mental image I have of Ariella all the time I made love to her. 

I grab my dick and tell myself...just one last time. I'd get off to her, just one last time.