EroticReverie

Peyton James

Jackson tells me which I can only assume is everything, and....I fucking hate it. I hate every fucking word that comes out of his mouth. I hate how fucking honest he is with me, how he apologizes to me with every breath. I hate how I feel like it's my fault. I hate how I feel like being crazy for those two months, may have drove him to this. He doesn't say that's the reason, what's even worse, is he doesnt have a reason. He doesnt give any excuse as to why he let that fucking bitch touch him. He doesnt give any excuse other than the fact her white clothes reminded him of me. I don't forgive him, and he knows it. He knows what he's done has ruined a part of my trust forever. That the crazy part of me is only crazier now, that I'll forever feel like he could stray from me when he fucking promised he never would. Sure, he didnt fuck her. But he let that fucking whore have an inch, and to her it probably felt like a mile. 

We don't go to the fundraiser, we go home, and I don't talk to Jackson for the rest of the night, and because he's smart, he doesn't beg me to talk to him anymore. I don't let him hold me, I don't let him kiss me goodnight. He's lucky I even let him share the same fucking bed as me. 

I lay in bed, eyes wide open, silent tears falling from my face after he's managed to fall asleep, or at least I think he had. 

"Please let me hold you." he whispers and I sniffle. 

"no." I choke out. 

"you don't get to touch me anymore." I say angrily. But I already know I cant live without him. I already know that I'm not fucking leaving him. I already know that eventually Im going to let him touch me, because I need him to fucking live. It's so fucking toxic. I hate it. He says he loves my crazy, but does he? Does he really? Maybe i'm too fucking crazy, maybe i'm no longer loveable, because if he loved me, he wouldnt have fucking let her near him. I swipe at my tears thinking about how I just wanted to die the instant I knew he'd had his hands on another woman. I was ready to throw myself out of a moving car, ready to throw myself into oncoming traffic, just to fucking not feel the hurt and betrayal and to not have to deal with it. 

"Peyton...please." he says, shifting and I inch closer to the edge of the bed.

"Touch me, and i'll leave you Jackson, i swear i will" I warn him. 

"no you wont." he whispers. and it's not him throwing it in my face that i cant live without him, it's him telling me that he won't allow it. But he does it so fucking softly, and his hand slips onto my side and I shut my eyes, because his hand belongs there.. on me. only me. Why would he need his hands on someone else?

"Do you love her?" I cry as he pulls me back towards the center of the bed and into his chest, my back to him as he kisses the side of my head. 

"No Peyton. I don't." he says. 

"But you want her." I cry. 

"I don't." he says and I swallow the lump in my throat.

"Then why?" I cry. "Why would you do this to me?" I cry more, harder, my shoulders shaking. 

"I don't know." he answers again and I shake my head and close my eyes.

"Dont tell me you dont know" i sniff.

"I've only ever been honest with you Peyton...I don't know why the fuck I let her sit on my lap...I don't know why in that moment I wanted her." he says. The words like another punch to the gut. 

"How can you not want her now? you did...you just said you did....im not stupid...i know you still want her." I cry as I let him hold me, because his arms might be the only thing to keep me from throwing myself out the fucking window. 

"I don't have a reason Peyton, and I know that's not good enough, but I wont make up a lie either." he says and I shake my head. 

"How could you touch her, and come home and fuck me? How could you do that to me then act like nothing happened?" 

"I need you. I hated myself for what I did. I needed my wife." he says. 

"So you think you can just touch her and want her, and come home to me, because you know i wont fucking leave you?" I cry. 

"no Peyton...i dont...im sorry"

"fuck you" i cry. "Im so sick of hearing you say that" 

"then tell me what to say" he whispers and pulls me tighter. I push his arms off me and he lets me go. 

"Youve said enough." I say and inch my way back to the edge of the bed. 

"you've done enough." I whisper and get up from bed.

"where are you going?" he asks, sitting up in bed.

"just leave me alone Jackson." I say quietly and pull on my robe and leave the bedroom. 

I know he only hasnt followed me, because he's probably watching the cameras in the house on his phone. I grab a bottle of wine and a glass and go to the living room, pulling a blacket over myself as I grab the ipad on the coffee table and pull open my photo albums that are synced with my phone, scrolling all the way back, my pictures are nienty nine percent Jackson and myself, or Jackson. Everyday pictues, and dirty pictures of the two of us. Sweet moments, dirty moments. Photos of him laughing , photos of him sleeping, photos of him concentrating on things, and photos of him in the kitchen cooking, photos of him lounging around the house or outside. Obsessed. I was utterly obsessed with this man. Pictures of us together, me holding the camera out, kissing his cheek or his mouth, licking the side of his face while he scrunched his nose or grinned. Biting his ear while he grins at the camera. 

I pull up the album of our wedding day. The day that I married the man of my dreams. The day I thought Id found someone faithful, someone who could handle my crazy entirely, someone who would never actually hurt me. I know nobody is perfect....but Jackson was. We were crazy in love, and a rollercoaster of ups and downs, we were us.  But how do I even get over what he's done? When he doesnt even know why he did it? How can I get over it, when theres no promise it wont happen again? When this man claims to love me more than anything else and would do anything for me, but then does something like that? 

It didnt matter if he was getting rid of her, and removing her from the office. Because she wasnt the problem. Sure she's part of it. But how do I know he wont slip up with his next secretary? That she wont seduce him like Natalie did? And fuck, she hadnt even been trying to today, according to him. Which made it fucking worse. He liked her. Something about her. He didnt say that, but there had to be something. I wanted there to be a fucking reason. I didnt want my husband to be a fucking bastard for no god damn reason, to hurt me, for no fucking reason at all. 

I watch the video of our vows, tears rolling down my cheeks, having believed every word he'd spoken that day, the way he looks at me, the way he's always fucking looked at me. Even while telling me about what he did. Nobody has ever looked at me the way he has. Nobody has ever willingly dealt with my fucking crazy side. I put him through two months of hell accusing him of screwing around with her , when he hadn't been. Is that why? Was he punishing me? And not knowing that's what he was doing? Was he sick of how crazy I was over him? Figured if i was accusing him, he might as well finally actually do it? Was he upstairs thinking of her right now? 

I replay the vows again, watching him smile at me, practically never blinking as he stares at me, reciting his vows from memory, with the paper in his hand, not taking his eyes off of me. None of our friends really thought we should get married, none of our family either, but nobody objected, because they knew there was no point, they knew we were madly in love and crazy for each other, no matter the fights, or my insecurities. He was mine. And now....he was hers too. 

I reply them again. Again. Drinking from the bottle of wine, keeping my eyes on him as I rewatch everytime. How can a man that looked at me that way do this to me? 

I toss the ipad to the side on the couch as his voice still plays and finish off the bottle of wine, gulping it down and then lean over, laying down and replay it again, listening to his voice speak to me and make all those pretty promises to me, and I replay it again....again....dozing off...playing it again....falling asleep to his vows. 

-----

I wake up in the morning, a headache blaring through my skull from all the tears i cried last night, and all the wine. It's mid afternoon, and there's a blanket and pillow on the floor beside the couch, but nobody laying there. Did he come down here to sleep after I'd fallen asleep? 

I sit up and then hear him in the kitchen, wrapping my robe around me, and get up and walk into the kitchen slowly. He's standing there, in sleep pants, his bare back to me as he cooks over the stove. Even his back is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. My eyes falling over the scratches I left on his back the other morning, and the night before that. The scratches that are there from yesterday when he got home from work, scratches he didnt deserve, from sex he didnt deserve. 

HE turns off the stove after slipping a pancake onto a plate with the others and then turns around and pauses when he sees me watching him. 

"Good morning, wife." he says as he looks at me. I shift slightly. I've always gone crazy with how often he makes sure to call me his wife. He knows what it does to me. Knows I love being his. Knows I love how much he loves being my husband. So why? Why did he do it? 

I slip my robe open and off my shoulders and let it fall to the floor and his brows lift and I step forward, in my rose colored silk shorts and cami. He swallows, and immediately his cock starts to ride behind his pants as I make my way over to him. 

"I dont forgive you." I say. 

He nods. 

"But I clearly need to remind you who you belong to Jackson." I say. 

"You don't." he shakes his head. "I know I belong to you. But feel free to remind me anyways." he says and I slide my hands up his chest and he groans.

"you're MY husband Jackson James." I say and he nods as I dig my nails into chest and drag them down hard and he groans. 

"I wear your fucking ring." I hiss.

"IM your fucking WIFE." I bite out , so fucking angry with him, for what he did and for how badly I woke up still in love and needing him. 

"You're my everything." he groans as I grab his dick hard.

"THIS....is MINE." I say grabbing it even harder and he winces.

"Fuck, it's yours Peyton...it's only ever been yours" 

"That's a fucking lie" I hiss. "because yesterday it belonged to some fucking bitch"

"You ever....EVER...fucking let some other woman have this...have you...any fucking part of you....and i'll cut THIS" I squeeze harder. "Right the fuck off, do you understand me, husband?" 

"god, yes, i understand you, im so fucking sor-"

"Shut the fuck up, you dont get to talk today" I growl and then release his cock. 

"You get to fucking get on your fucking knees and worship the woman that fucking loves you like nobody else does, can, or ever will" I say angrily. 

"fuck" he groans and drops right to his knees and grabs my shorts and pulls them down, and I step out and lift my fucking leg right up and grab the counter with one hand, his hair in my other hand and I moan as his tongue slides right through my lips and starts to lick me hungrily. 

"you remember this pussy the next time you decide to let your dick get hard for someone else, you remember this fucking pussy Jackson, cause i swear to god if you ever do that again, youll never taste me again" 

He groans and I gasp as he licks me down and up and sucks my clit and my toes curl and I curse.

"fuck" I cry, and close my eyes as I ride my husbands mouth. 

"im so fucking mad at you" I nearly cry. 

He groans, still licking and sucking and I gasp as my orgasm comes barreling through me and I tremble as I curse and Jackson finishes me off, licking me as I cry his fucking name, cursing him as I pant and he pulls me down to the kitchen floor and pushes down his pants and my legs fall open and he groans as he hovers, reaching down and sliding himself into me. 

I cry and I dont stop crying the entire time that Jackson makes love to me apologetically on the kitchen floor. Kissing me, all over my face and breasts as he keeps going, making me cum once....twice....I cry the entire time, and his lips kiss away each tear as I let him continue to make love to me. He doesnt stop, thrusting deeper , harder, groaning louderand panting as he works me towards another orgasm while seeming to work towards his own. 

But when I come undone a third time, Jackson doesnt cum. 

"cum Jackson" I whimper as he keeps going.

"I dont deserve to cum inside you, not till you forgive me"

I claw at his back. "And if i never do?" I look at him. 

"Then ill spend the rest of my life punishing myself for what i've done"

"Jackson...just cum" I say as I dig my nails in harder on his back.

"i want you to cum" I whimper. 

"not till you forgive me" he grunts. 

"i'll never forgive you" I say. "i hate what you did" 

"then i'll never cum inside of you" he says. 

"dont punish me for what YOU did Jackson, now stop it, and fucking cum inside of me" I growl angrily and he groans. 

"if youre mine, then fucking prove it, or are you saving it for your whore?" I say and slap his face and he jerks his head back in shock for a second and then grits his teeth.

"if its mine..then give it to me...if you dont cum in me, ill assume its because you're saving it for her." 

"fine" he growls and I gasp as he grabs my neck and thrusts harder. 

"You want it little devil?" he groans my nick name and I cry, nodding. 

"yes" I answer and he crashes his mouth over mine, kissing me as he fucks me harder and I cry into his mouth. 

"you want your husbands cum?" he groans and I nod , panting and writhing under him as I dig my nails into his back, scratching him the fuck up as he grunts and pounds into me. 

He slaps my face slightly as he fucks me. "Yeah? You want it?" he growls and I cry out. Pretty sure im making his back bleed as my fingernails dig across his back and I buck into his thrusts.

"it's yours little devil" he groans and slams into me as he cums and I wrap my fucking legs around him as he jerks his hips, cursing as he fills me and then grab my face and kisses me hard, groaning, panting hard in my mouth as he thrusts one more time, before pulling out of me. 

"Turn over" he growls at me. Slapping my hip. "I'm not dont fucking my wife full of cum"