EroticReverie

Savannah Flowers

I cried far too much last night over a guy I barely know, yet somehow felt like I've known longer than the mere days it's been since we met. My eyes are still puffy when I wake up. 

I take a shower, then a long bath, and then crawl right back into bed, and go back to sleep. 

It's past noon when I wakeup again. Forcing myself to get out of bed. I throw on a yellow sundress, and sandals, and pull my hair up into a ponytail, and then leave my bedroom and walk through the living room to the window. My aunts brown beat up pick up truck, sits there as Beau promised. 

I grab my phone and one of my books, NOT the cowboy romance one. I grab one of the thrillers I picked up, I needed something to take my mind off romance all together. Especially off the real life cowboy who I'm pretty sure would be done with me entirely after last night. And thats fine, it's just..fine, it's better this way. 

I walk out to my truck, deciding to drive to the lake. Even though I was aiming to FORGET about Beau, I wanted to go to the dock on the water that he took me to, and see it during the day. 

I see my keys on the dash and pull the handle and open the truck and suck in a breath. 

On the front seat. Is a cowboy hat, Beaus cowboy hat. Beside it are what look like hand fucking picked wild flowers, wrapped with a thing white bow around the stems, and a small note folded in half with my name written on the front. 

Dont read it Savannah. Do not read it. He left his fucking hat?! Why did he have to do that?! Why did he hand pick flowers??? WHY!? My eyes water and I roll them, swiping the falling tears as I push the hat over the seat into the passenger side and pick up the flowers and move them over as well, then grab the note and climb inside. I dont open it. I stuff it into the pages of my book and decide to wait. To give myself time to decide if I really want to read it. Because chances are if I did, there were going to be words that would have my will crumbling all over again. 

I drive to the spot at the lake , passing down the road where I'd stubbornly acted as if I was going to walk the whole way home. The road where he AGAIN, put up with my shit, and told me he was going to follow me the whole way home if he had to. And again, I cant imagine any guy I'd dated in New York, having the patience to deal with me. Guys I dated treated me as if I was a dime a dozen, and I guess, in New York City, I was. There were girls like me everywhere. But Beau didnt treat me that way. He took one look at me and decided he wanted me right that instant. He acted as if I shit glitter and rainbows, and I was some magical fucking being , as if he just couldnt stop himself from chasing me. If Beau was in New York, if he had other girls like me around him, would I still hold the same appeal? 

Stop thinking about him. I scold myself. Even though I knew my inner speech was pointless. 

I hope out of the truck and grab my book and my phone , leaving my keys in the truck and walk down the little incline towards the water and the dock. 

The trees over the water shade most of the dock, but the very end is still in the sun, so I go sit right at the end and set down my book and my phone. 

I take several deep breaths and close my eyes and lean my head back and try to enjoy the sun of my skin. I try to clear my head, and think of nothing at all. It doesnt really work, Im still thinking about Beau, but my head is less noisy and scrambled and anxious. 

I take my phone and respond to a text my dad sent this morning asking how things were going. I respond with what he wants to hear. "I'm doing good, it's really hot here. People are nice, different, but nice. I miss you. Love you too." 

Then I respond to a few texts from my friends and then pull open my instagram. I'm scrolling and scrolling, liking pictures and leaving a few comments under friends posts, and before I know it. I'm typing in Beau's name and going to his page. To my surprise there's more than one picture this time. 

My breath catches when I take in the photos. There's only two more. 

Other than the one he took of me right here on this dock that night. 

The new ones are pictures I didnt even realize he'd taken. 

The one from the side , when I had been standing on the ledge of the door at the stables. My arm is raised and I point over the door. You cant see the baby horse, just my smile and wide eyes and excitement. 

The caption below. 

"My apple is sweeter than any peach." 

I laugh slightly and find myself smiling. Shaking my head at his "Big Apple" and "Georgia Peach" references. Even though I'm not sure I've been even slightly sweet to him since we've met and I laugh a bit more. 

I scroll to the next and it's a picture of me and him from last night. Someone else must have taken it. And it wasnt even posted till this morning, when I look at the stamp that says "Three hours ago" 

It's blurry, but it's clearly right before we left together. I'm scowling up at him, my hand on his belt buckle right as I had pulled myself against him. Him in that fucking hat, smiling down at me as I look up at him. 

The caption below that. 

"Guess Im a sucker for women with red lips and a bad attitude." 

I scoff and then laugh. God damnit. 

"fuck you Cowboy" I sigh to myself, because it didn't matter he'd left his hat, or picked wild flowers, or left a note, didn't matter that he's added even more pics of me to his instragram I made for him on our first "date". Because he didnt have to do any of that, I was going to end up wanting him still anyways. But now I just felt even more helpless at TRYING to ignore my feelings. Because the hat, the flowers, the note, the posts, made it impossible. 

I snap a picture of the view of the lake, I dont edit it. I edit every single photo I post. Put a filter on it, adjust saturation. But it's perfect as is. It doesnt need it. Its real and its the first picture I've ever posted unedited.

I dont put a caption, other than a green heart to match the trees in the photo, and post it. Then set my phone down, open the book and grab the note. 

"I'm sorry for last night, for upsetting you. I've been maybe a bit too persistent, thinking it's what you liked, or what you wanted, and maybe it is, but maybe it's not what you need , or at least not what you needed in the moment last night. I'm so fucking sorry Savannah. I'd never want to make you cry. I admit I like to push your buttons, because Im far too fond of your annoyed little scowls and glares at me, but maybe I've taken it too far. I don't chase women Savannah, I've never chased a girl in my life. But you make it impossible to go in any direction other than the one that leads to you. I wont call you darlin, I wont call you sweetheart, I wont say or do anything that you don't want Savannah. I wont do anything or say anything that you're not ready for. I'm sorry I pushed so hard. If you really want me to say away from you, I dont want to, but I will, and I wont chase you, but I WILL be waiting Savannah. Because there's nobody else I want to call Sweetheart. But again, I wont call you it if you dont want me to. If you want to talk, or see me, or anything at all, call me. Or text. Cause nobody calls anyone anymore right? I like you Savannah. Even if you dont want to talk to me again, or see me, keep the hat. Looks better on you anyways.

                                              -Yours from the second I laid eyes on you, -Cowboy." 

I laugh bubbles out of me as tears fill my eyes, one falling onto the paper. I read the letter probably fifty more times. I set the letter down and pick up my phone. 

"NO!" I scream as the letter flies off the dock and into water, I drop my phone and that plummets into the water too. 

"no, no no, " I cry as I lay on my stomach, reaching out my arm for the letter, not giving two shits about my phone right now. It floats on the water, further away as the water leeches through the paper. 

"Give me my damn letter!" I yell and whimper as the water seeps into the paper and it starts to drift under.

"Fuck!" I yell and then get off my stomach and onto my knees and growl as I fucking throw myself right off the dock and belly flop into the fucking lake. I screech, not expecting the water to be as cold as it when it's this hot. My arms flailing to reach for the letter, shivering as I doggy paddle over to where the letter is sinking and snatch it up and kick and paddle my way back to the dock, shaking and shivering as I grab the post, shove the wet letter between my teeth and grab the wooden ladder slats and pull myself up. Soaking wet and freezing as I stand on the dock, taking the letter from my teeth as my dress sticks to me and I drip water all over and whimper as I try to carefully unfold the letter, the page rips and the paper is soggy in my hands, falling apart , as I cry over it. 

"god damnit!" I cry. 

"Savannah?" 

My head whips up at the end of the dock, Beau stands there, in his jeans, boots and a black t shirt. 

My shoulders drop and he walks over to me with concern on his face.

"What happened, are you okay?" he asks, reaching out, taking my shoulder in his hands as he looks over me. 

"Darlin you're all wet, did you fall in?" he asks. I shake my head as I shiver.

"n-no" I say and start to cry.

"Sweetheart, shhh, what happened, are you okay?" he asks again, and he doesnt even realize he's saying it, darlin, sweetheart.

"You're l-letter...it fell in...the w-water" I say shivering as I cry. 

"My letter?" he asks and rubs my upper arms. 

I nod. "Yeah" I say and look up at him. 

"Sweetheart....are you telling me, you jumped in the water....for my letter?" he asks, his brows lifting slightly with a little smile. 

I just nod. 

"Darlin" he sighs and shakes his head. "You're makin it really hard not to kiss you right now telling me jumped in the lake to save my later. " 

He lifts his hands to my cheeks and then looks at me and pushes back the wet pieces of hair stuck to my face. Pushing the little baby hairs back and then cupping my cheeks again, his thumbs on my cheeks. 

"I'm a mess Beau" I say,

"You're perfect Savannah" he says and gently tips my head back and smiles softly. 

"I'll write you another letter, okay?" he says and I nod.

He smiles. "I'll write you letters everyday if thats what you want" 

I nod again and his smile grows wider. 

"Hopefully they wont all be apology letters, but im sure i'll fuck something else up and need to write a few more of those too" he says and I shake my head.

"You didnt fuck anything up, I did...I..I'm terrified of falling for you." I admit and he nods.

"That's alright...just talk to me about it" he says and I close my eyes. 

"I'm here for six months, then what?" I ask and open my eyes. "You just are going to make it impossible not fall in love with you and then what...I stay here? You move to New York, I dont see any of that happening." 

"Savannah, I already told you in the letter, and I'll write it down again if I have to....but it's impossible for me to go in any direction other than the one that leads to you. So New York, or Mars , Savannah, I'm going where you go. Wherever you are sweetheart, is where I'm gonna be. " he says. 

I take a deep breath and he smiles. 

"What if you get to know me more and hate me, or decide you dont want to put up with me anymore, and then im in love and all alone?" I ask and he smiles. 

"See the problem with that is, I'm certain the more I get to know you, the more i'll be dying to be the one that gets to "put up" with you" he says.

"But, there's a million girls like me in New York, theres plenty of girls with red lips and bad attitudes in New York and elsewhere" I say and he smiles with a little laugh.

"Liked that caption did you?" he asks. 

"Im serious Beau" i say. 

"There's NO other girl like you Savannah. They can paint their lips as red as they want, can be as rude to me as they want, and nobody, not fucking nobody, will do it the way you do darlin" 

I whimper and he grins. 

"Promise?" I ask. 

He nods. "mhm" 

"Now, can I kiss you or is there something else?" he asks and hovers his mouth over mine.

"theres...one more thing." I say my eyes on his and on his mouth.

"go on then....what is it darlin" he says and brushes his thumbs on my cheeks, waiting patiently for me. 

"Tell me...." I start. "Tell me to say it." I say and his brows pinch for a moment and then his smile spreads.

"Say you're mine  Savannah" he says , his voice low and deep and it nearly knocks me to my knees. 

"I'm yours." I say, barely able to breathe. 

"It's about time sweetheart" he says as if Ive made him wait years to hear me say it. 

"you can kiss me now Cowboy" I say and he gives a soft laugh.

"Yeah, just....say it once more for me darlin" 

I whimper and look in his eyes.

"Im your girl" I breathe and he groans. 

"and I'm your man Savannah." he says, lips touching mine just barely. 

I  nod. "You're mine" 

He smiles and his lips are on mine and he kisses me , and im in so much god damn trouble. Because I was going to fall hard and fast for Beau Brooks, if I hadnt already.