EroticReverie

Olivia

Laying in bed with Jace, I'm silent. I'm naked, and silent, and scared, and angry, hurt and confused. I have a million questions I still want answered, but I know that no answers he has will be enough. He can't erase the damage he did by leaving me. A year. A whole fucking year. And then he just waltzes back into my life, demanding I'm his again. I hate myself for giving in, letting him kiss me, letting him touch me, letting him taste me. I should have ran inside that door to my apartment with the blonde frat boy who kissed like a slug, and just ignored Jace and never spoken to him again. 

His fingers gently stroke my head, playing with my hair as I lay my head on his chest, my head dipped down, scowling to myself with my arm wrapped around him. Wanting to hate him, but unable to hate the way it feels to have his arms around me again, the way it feels to have him back with me. My body is content, and molds to his as if it was specifically made to lay with his. But my mind is still racing, and I know I shouldn't let him back in so easy, but this is what I wanted, wasnt it? What i've been crying over for an entire year? What I've sworn I'd give anything for? I'd prayed to a god I didnt even believe in , for him to just call me, or text me. A year. And there he was in my hallway, and here he is now in my bed. Promising the same thing all over again. 

Did I really want to waste more time without him, just to be mad at him? Yes. Yes I fucking did. But I couldnt, my heart and my body wouldnt let me, no matter how much sense my mind was making. He could leave again. What will our parents say? He left you, he left you and didn't contact you Olivia, for A YEAR. While he was FUCKING other girls. I've worked myself up again and I sit up. 

"where you going?" he asks softly as I sit up and just keep my back to him, closing my eyes. God that voice, his smell, everything, I missed it so fucking much, and I didnt expect it to hurt this much to see him again, hear him again, smell him again. 

"Olive?" He asks, his hand reaching out to me, he rubs my bare back and then sits up and pushes up behind me, kissing on my back as he lays on his side. 

"Baby, lay back down with me" he whispers on my spine and I let the tears fall silently down my cheeks. I wanted to enjoy it, I wanted to go back to how things were before he left, before we were caught. I wanted to go back to that thrill of falling in love with the one boy I wasnt supposed to want. but there was no going back, no way to erase that year between then and now. The feeling of the tears rolling down my cheeks, are all too familiar, as I feel like I've drowned myself in them this past year. 

"Olive?" he whispers and sits up more, kissing to my shoulder, his hands sweeping my hair across my back and I close my eyes tighter, because I missed him so fucking much. I missed that nickname, I missed everything about him. I sniffle and his lips pause on my shoulder.

"Are you crying?" he asks. I shake my head and turn my head away from him, towards my other shoulder and sniffle and lift my hand to wipe my cheeks. 

"Olivia...I'd rather you yell at me than cry." he says. 

"Oh please" I bite out through my teeth and angrily wipe my tears. "Let me switch my fucking emotions for you to make YOU feel better Jace." I say and push up off the bed and walk over to my closet, pulling out a t shirt, and leggings and throwing them over the chair to my desk. 

"What are you doing?" He asks. 

"Getting dressed." I mutter and pull the leggings on , plain black. Then I grab the large black t shirt and pull it on over me. Pulling my hair out of it, I look at him, scowling with my wet cheeks as he lifts a brow at me. 

"What?" I bite out. "Why are you looking at me like that?" 

"Is that.....is that my shirt?" he asks and I blink, look down, and swallow. Shit. This was my comfort shirt, and wallowing shirt, it was my everything shirt. It was just plain black, but it had a tiny little bleach stain on the bottom hem that let him know, yes, it was his. Because it was an oddly specific shaped stain that wasnt going to be found on just any shirt. With over a year of looking down at that stain while I cried in his tshirt like a fucking pathetic loser, I decided it was shaped exactly like Texas. 

He shifts on the bed and stands up. 

"Don't" I say as I step back and he keeps walking over to me, and I back up against the wall as he keeps walking.

"Stop, I said don't come over here" I say, but he's already here, he's already in my space, my eyes are already lifting, looking up into dark brown eyes, with his thick lashes lowering slightly and his eyes searching mine, flitting around my face briefly before coming back to my eyes.

"I won't leave you alone ever again Olive. I promise." he says and I feel my lower lip quiver.

"I dont believe you" I say, my voice cracking, because, I didn't. I loved him. I loved him more than I wanted to or should. I hadnt stopped loving him one fucking bit in the year he disappeared. But it didnt mean I still trusted him. 

"I know." he says softly and lowers his forehead to mine. He's only a few inches taller, and I love how perfectly we fit. How even though i'm 5'11, to his 6'1", being around him, always made me feel smaller than I was, he made me feel pretty, and dainty, even though I had thicker thighs , and wasn't as skinny or as short as the girls most guys my age had liked. But Jace had liked me, he liked looking at me, loved it actually. And I loved the way he stared, the small little smirks he'd give me when I caught him looking, the way his hands grazed parts of me that I'd become so insecure about. His hands magic, erasing those insecurities with the way his hands loved to explore them. 

"I love you Olivia." He whispers. "I know I'm asking for a lot here, I know I dont deserve you, I didnt then, and I definitely dont now...but I'm asking you to let me be here with you..please...I never wanted to leave...I had to...and then....I just....I thought maybe my dad was right...that you were better off without me...you deserved better than me..." 

"I deserved you...because you were what I wanted" I say, tears spilling out of my eyes again slowly. 

"He never would have let me come near you." Jace sighs.

"You didnt even try....you didnt text me....didn't call....you didn't try Jace...you just left...that hurts...you're here again, and that hurts even more....like I wasnt important enough for you to even try to talk to me still...i wouldnt have understood if you couldnt have come to see me....but you didnt even bother to talk to me Jace...you broke my fucking heart." I say, my voice breaking entriely on the last words. 

Jace's eyes are filled with tears that havent fallen, but his thick lashes lower and I watch a few of them roll down his cheeks. He hangs his head slightly and nods, clearing his throat.

"I know...I know nothing..." he clears his throat again. " I know nothing I say will change what happened...I know I cant take back this past year...i cant do it over.....but I can....I can still be here now Olivia...I can try to prove to you that I mean it...that I love you, that I always have, and never stopped.

"You fucked other girls." I cry. 

"I know." he says and shakes his head. 

"It's a poor excuse, but I...I let myself believe you would get over me, that I had to find a way to get over you...and it's like...each girl I was with...just made it worse....because they werent you" he says and I grit my teeth and bite my tongue. 

"How conveinient." the words slip and he lifts his eyes.

"I know I look like an asshole Olivia..I know you probably think I was just out fucking girls and having fun...but i was fucking miserable, alright? It was either fuck or drink. And I did plenty of drinking too , trust me. I just...I fucking  missed you...I wanted to feel how I felt with you...so I just kept convincing myself, all I had to do was find the right one...to fuck enough girls that i-"

"stop" I bite out. "just fucking stop, I dont want to hear anymore." I say and his mouth closes. After a few moments he looks down at my shirt. His shirt.  

"You're wearing my t shirt" he sighs and then his forehead is against mine again and his hands come up to my waist, he grabs my waist, and sighs harder. 

"it's all you left me with Jace....your tshirt, a broken heart, and a bunch of my own tears" I say and he groans, wincing.

"I hate when you cry...and i hate that i've made you cry for a year Olivia...i fucking hate it, i hate myself, believe me, i know you hate me, that you're angry with me, but i'm more angry at me...i hate me more for hurting you." he says and then his hands slide a bit down, onto my hips and he rubs them and I feel my fucking nipples harden, loving the way his hands always touched my hips, the way theyre playing with the upper outsides of my thighs like he always did. Those insecurities that her erased, my too wide hips, to thick thighs...it was too much for some guys I guess. But not Jace. 

"I love you Olivia" he whispers. 

I say nothing and he turns his head slightly and kisses my cheek, his hands sliding back up my hips. 

"I love you baby" he whispers on my cheek and I sigh slightly and my head tilts as his lips brush over my jaw and down my neck. One of hishands lifting to sweep my hair away.

"I'll spend forever making it right Olive...i'll prove myself to you ...i'll make you trust me again...i promise" he whispers and then kisses my neck and kisses it again, and my hips fucking move of their own will, rolling into his as he gently sucks my neck and my eyes roll back slightly and my mouth parts as his hand slides down from my shoulder, and over my breast and he grabs it gently, massaging, the other hand still at my hip, gripping it , pulling my hip towards him as he rolls his hips right back into mine and I exhale. 

His leg shifts and slips between both of mine and he pulls me tighter by my hip, dragging my pussy against his leg through my leggings and I whimper as he moves his mouth to mine and I fucking cave, all over again. 

"Jace" I whimper as my hips roll, and I grind on his thigh and he groans, and his hands both slip down, and he grabs my ass and his thigh slides away and he pulls me instead against the hardness of his cock. He's still naked, and his cock pushes harder against my legging and I let out a fucking moan , whimpering, feeling his hard dick push against the fabric, against my clit through it, against the dampening spot he's making between my legs.

"Jace" I breathe as he keeps thrusting against me, grinding me and I hiss, because I wanted him so fucking much. I wanted to give myself to him , I wanted to finally lose my virginity to the only guy I've ever wanted to give it to. It killed me, not knowing what he felt like inside of me, it killed me we never got that far before we were found out and he was sent away. I wouldve given myself to him, I had wanted to, had begged him to let me, but he'd been so good to be. He let me take things pretty far, but he never went all the way. We took our time, or as much as we possibly could have with our raging hormones. Would he take it now? If I asked him to? If I told him I wanted him to make love to me? or to fuck me? Would he? Was I a bitch for wanting to test him? To see what he'd say. Part of me wanted him to say no, like he would have a year ago in our parents house. But who was I kidding? There was no test to be had, because an even bigger part of me wanted him to say yes. I need him. I need him so fucking bad. 

"Jace, I'm ready" I breathe and moan as he thrusts. , Grinding his cock against me.  Maybe I'd regret this in the morning, or mayber even directly afterwards. But I was sick of not knowing what sex with Jace would be like, what giving myself to him would feel like. 

"ready?" he breathes hard. "for what?" he asks, brows pinched, slowing his hips and looking me in the eyes. 

"for...sex" I say and his head jerks back slightly. 

"Sex?" he asks. I nod. 

His jaw ticks and he looks down, he curses as he moves his hips slowly still, grinding his dick against my pussy. 

"god baby" he groans. " god, I want that so much...i've always wanted that with you Olivia.." he groans and then kisses me and I moan into his mouth. I wrap my arms around his neck. My mouth parted, our tongues moving as I hitch one leg over his hip , and he reaches down to hold it there and grinds into me harder and I break from his mouth, head going back with a moan.

"i'll make love to you Olive....I'll make love to you once I deserve to" he says and I whimper.

"Jace..." I pant as he grinds faster and I whimper at the ffriction on my clit, my orgasm coming closer and closer.

"I want you so bad Olivia, more than anything, but I will NOT...make love to you , and have you regret it tomorrow....i will not make love to you when you're angry with me still.."

"Im not angry" I lie as I moan loudly.

"Yes you are baby, you're just also incredibly wet and horny right now...your judgement isn't there..." he says.

"fuck you....i want you" I whine and he groans. 

"Olive, please...." he begs. 

"make love to me Jace...please....i need this....i need you..i need it now" I moan.

"Olivia" he groans. 

"Jace, baby...please" I whine and he curses and then lets down my leg and grabs my face and kisses me and I moan, hands on his chest, as he turns me around and walks me back to the bed, i step backward, as he steps forward and then were both standing at the edge of the bed, his hands grabbing the hem of his shirt that I have on and lifting it, my hands raising, his hands pulling the shirt off and my arms and hair dropping down out of the shirt, my hands going to his waist and I moan as I pull him to me, feeling him against me. 

Jace lays me down, and grabs my leggings and pulls them off.  He takes a deep breath, looking at me as he drops my leggings and I spread my legs slowly, feet slipping across the bed.

"I love you Jace" I say and he closes his eyes and sighs. 

"I love you too." He says. 

"Look at me" I say softly, when I can see him changing his mind. 

"Jace..look at me." I say and he turns away slightly. 

"Olivia...I ...." he stops and then looks at me again and he groans, looking me up and down.

"Not like this Olive....I can't...not like this...not now...your first time shouldnt be when you're mad at me still...when you havent even forgiven me....you dont even trust me Olive....do you really want this right now?" He asks, brows furrowing and I just look at him. 

"Do you? Is this what you want?" he asks.

"I dont know." I say too quietly, and look away from him. 

My eyes go back to him as he leans over the bed, and slides onto his stomach, bent over the bed and slide shis arms under my thighs.

"Come here....we'll do it this way for now, yeah?" he asks and kisses my fucking pussy. 

"Jace" I exhale and my back arches.

"We're good at this, aren't we Olive? This is okay, yeah?" he asks, and I nod. 

"We'll just do this for now baby, that okay?" he asks again, his tongue taking a long slow lick and I hum. 

"uh huh" I exhale, sinking into the bed, as Jace reminds me again for the second time tonight of all the way he can love me with his tongue.