EroticReverie

Liviana Love LaCroix

I’m sitting on the little racecar bed with Violet in my lap, my thumb gently wiping her wet cheeks as I hear yelling and a scuffle downstairs. Fuck them. I’m so mad at them. All of them. Mostly at Axl and then at myself for letting him get me off. But his arms around me had reminded me of all the men that weren’t gentle with me. The ones who held me down when I wasn’t being a “good little whore”.  The ones who pretended to hate my defiance and my struggling, but secretly loved it because it made them feared, which made them feel more powerful. My screams and my fighting them was something their money couldn’t buy in the “real world”. So they bought it in secret. From my own father. 

Mick is sitting on the floor playing with his toys as I tip Violets chin up. 

“Hey, I’m so sorry for yelling at you. I wasn’t mad at you, okay? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you or make you cry.” I say softly to her and she looks up at me. 

“Are you mad at Uncle Axl?” She asks. My lips quirk slightly. 

“Yeah.” I say honestly. 

“Why?” She asks. 

“I just am.” I say. 

“When am I going to see Daddy? I miss him.” She says and my heart sinks. I hated that she missed him. But it wasn’t her fault. She didn’t know what our father was capable of or that he wasn’t a good man. Because I’d protected her. I’d threatened my father only once to expose his secrets. The night I’d heard him creep from his bed and to her door. I’d been out of my bed so fast he didn’t even have time to step foot inside. 

“I swear I’ll tell everyone.” I’d said to him as he stood there with her door partially open. Pausing. His head turning to me in the darkness of the hall as I’d stood at the other end of the hall. 

“You touch her. and I’ll tell them and I’ll kill you myself.” I’d said. Meaning every word. And he must’ve know. 

“Jealous honey?” He’d smirked.  Fucking sick fuck. 

“You don’t touch her.” Was all I’d said. He must’ve seen the threat for what it was. a promise. I’d end him. 

He’d shut his door and walked back to me and slipped his hand up the silk nightie he’d put me in before bed that night. 

“Then you better start fucking me like you mean it Liviana.” He’d said as I tensed, his finger sliding into me.

“You’re my wife now. I expect you to make love to me like a wife.” He’d said and I winced as he slid a second finger in. 

I didn’t argue. I’d grabbed him and kissed him. I’d given him my body right there in the hall. Letting him take me right against the wall. Because I’d give him whatever he wanted, just not her. Not Violet. I wouldn’t let her become his next plaything. I wouldn’t do to her what my mother did to me and leave my father to do whatever the hell he wanted.

I look at Violet and smile at her. 

“I don’t know.” I answer her question as the scuffle downstairs seems to finally stop. 

“Are you mad at daddy? Is that why we’re here?” She asks and I gently stroke her hair and nod. 

“How come you’re mad at him?” She asks. 

“Because he’s not nice to me.” I say. Because I can’t explain to a five year old that our father rapes her older sister and lets other men do the same. 

“You can give him kisses. He likes when you give him kisses when he’s mad.” She says and I try not to cry. Because my dad didn’t care about kissing me in front of Violet. Didn’t care about touching me in front of her. Groping me in front of her. But I always told her to go her room. Then pretended like I wanted it , just so he wouldn’t get pissed off. I pretended to be his wife. Letting him fuck me whenever and wherever. All to keep her safe. 

“Daddy’s a bad man Violet.” I say and she looks at me.  She pouts. 

“No he’s not!” She argues. 

“Violet” I sigh. Because I’ve never wanted her to see what a bad guy he was. I wanted her to have the illusion for as long as she could that she had a good father. 

“We don’t lie to each other, right?” I ask gently and she shakes her head. 

“Daddy is not good. He does bad things. I’m not lying Violet. You have to trust me okay?” I whisper and she frowns. 

“I want daddy!” She bursts into tears and I hold her to me and she cries little sobs into my chest as I cradle her and rock back and forth trying to soothe her. 

“I’m sorry, you can’t see him anymore Violet” I say. Because I wouldn’t lie to her. I couldn’t. I couldn’t explain the truth to her. But I couldn’t still give it to her. 

“I WANT DADDY!!!” She screams and then is pushing at me. Trying to get away. My own tears falling as she fights me. 

“Violet stop, shhh” I say as I try to grab her. The bedroom door opening. 

“Hey kid” Axl says.  Making her stop and she looks to the door. 

“She won’t let me see my daddy!!!!” She yells and Axl walks over and squats down and I turn my head. Tears running down my face. 

“Be nice to your sister.” He says to her. His voice deep and firm. But still gentle. 

“I want my daddy!” She cries. 

“Your daddy hurts Violet.” He says. 

“Axl!” I whip my head to him. “No.” I say through gritted teeth. 

“Do you want him to hurt Violet?” He asks her.

“Axl, stop it” I hiss through my teeth. He holds up a hand , shushing me and my mouth drops open. 

“Do you?” He ask her again. My little sister shakes her head. 

“N-no” she whimpers. 

“Some daddy’s aren’t always good. He might be nice to you. But he’s mean to Violet. And that not okay, is it?” He asks her and she shakes her head. 

“I know you miss him. But we can’t let you or Violet see him anymore. It’s not Violets fault. It’s mine. I’m the one that says you can’t see him anymore.” He says and my lip trembles as he tries to make himself out to be the one that’s breaking her little heart. 

“But I promise we’ll have lots of fun here , okay? And we’ll eat as much toothpaste as you want, okay?” He asks her softly and she nods as she sniffles. 

“Wanna go watch a movie and eat more toothpaste? You and Mick can eat ice cream and popcorn and build a fort, yeah?” He says. 

She nods more enthusiastically and I watch him as he stands and takes her off my lap. 

“Let’s get you and Mick changed into some real clothes and then we’ll have movie time?” He asks and she nods. 

“I got it.” I say as I take her back. Did I trust Axl. No. But yes. But I wasn’t going to let any man alone with her while she changed. And he seems to realize exactly what I’m thinking. But he doesn’t get mad. He can’t get mad. Because he understands. It’s not him. It’s just that I won’t take any chances at all with Violet. I know he’s not my dad. Not those men. But it doesn’t matter. He just nods and grabs Mick to take him to get changed in Jaggers room. 

——

Violet and Mick are under a jungle of sheets in front of the television that Axl and Jagger helped build. A giant tub of popcorn and bowls full of ice cream in front of them with so much candy on it that my teeth hurt just looking at it. 

I look to Axl as he turns from starting the movie. He walks over to me and I turn my head as he lifts his hand to my face. 

“We need to talk.” He says. 

“I don’t want to talk to you.” I say. As if the orgasm in the kitchen didn’t happen. As if he’s not the only man I’ve ever known that can turn it off for me. 

“Yes you do. You’re mad at me. Let me explain.” HE says and I look back at him. Scowling at him. 

“Dont be stubborn.” He whispers and my brows pinch. 

“Screw you.” I say as I lift my hand and bat his away from my face. 

But I turn and walk to the dining area , all the brothers sitting at the table. I huff at them. And walk over to one of the empty chairs and sit down. And Axl sits beside me. 

Axl starts. Explaining how the other found out about my father selling me to men. Explaining how he hadn’t realized the other night when I said “him” , I’d meant my father. Not the “uncle Dennis” he’d seen me with outside the store with Violet. Explained how when my brothers came to him about my father and said they knew why Axl brought me here, he’d assumed they meant they knew about him pimping me out. 

Then, Axl explains to his brothers, what Jagger saw in the kitchen. Explains that he’s never forced himself on me. He even tells him about the night three years ago. My cheeks heating with embarrassment as I keep my eyes down. Unable to look at any of them. Especially Gibson. Would he be hurt? Would he understand? They don’t say anything while he speaks. But when he’s done. Gibson looks at me. 

“Is that true? You asked him to touch you?” He asks. He doesn’t sound mad. But he doesn’t sound happy either. 

I nod. 

“Okay.” Is all Gibson says. There’s silence around the table. The television from the family room and little giggles of the kids are the only noise for what seems like several moments. 

“We need a list.” Axl says. “Of all the…”

I hold up a hand and he stops talking. 

“Before we go there. You all need to promise me something.” I say as I look around the table. 

“No more going behind my back with Violet. She’s five years old. She’s not your little tool. Leave her alone. If I find out any of you questions her again without talking to me first. I will leave. You’ll never see me again.” I say.

I’m not sure that’s the threat I want it to be or if  they’d even care if they never saw my face again.  But each of them nods their head silently. 

I take a deep breath. 

“What do you plan on doing…..once I give you names…what are you going to do?” I ask.

“What needs to be done.” Gibson says and six other heads nod in silent agreement. 

“You can’t ….kill them.” I say. My fingers fidgeting on a dent in the wooden table. Picking and scratching at it. 

“Says who?” Sid asks and my eyes lift to him. 

“Me.” I say. He shakes his head. 

“We’re not promising that.” Cash says. My eyes going to him. 

“There’s …” I start to speak. My voice caught in my throat and tears well in my eyes. 

Axle hand goes to my thigh and squeezes. 

“There’s too many” I say. My voice small and weak and pathetic and I hate it. Axl squeezes my thigh tighter. But not because I’m seconds away from breaking or how helpless I sound. But because I said there’s too many. And he knows now when I said “ a lot” , that I meant a lot. 

“How many?” His voice is soft. And I close my eyes. Tears slipping from my eyes down my cheeks. 

“I don’t know” I say. My voice shaking. Because I didn’t know. I knew of the ones that I remembered….the ones I was coherent for. But there were more….ones that paid for something different. Something sicker. Ones that paid to have my father drug me. Ones that left a mess between my legs and bruises on my body, and I’d wake up not knowing how they got there. 

“I wasn’t….” I start. “I wasn’t always….awake.” I say. All of them either inhaling deeply or cursing under their breaths and clenching their fists on the table or grabbing its edge. 

“Jesus” Gibson mutters softly. I look at him. My brows pinching as I see his eyes shine. Wet with the start of tears. I shake my head at him. I don’t want him to cry. Not for me. But I see hik look away , trying to hide it from me as a tear slips don’t his cheek and he clears his throat and blinks several times and tries to rub his eyes without letting me see. But I see it. His love for me. His heart breaking for me. I hate it. That’s why I never told anyone. I didn’t want them to see me as weak. Even if I was. 

“Give us the names you know.” Axl says. Rubbing my thigh softly. “We’ll figure out who the others were.” He says and I shake my head. 

“You can’t kill them. If something happens to any of you…” I choke back a sob. 

“Mick needs his family. Not a dad and six uncles behind bars” I say and they all are silent. 

“Promise me you won’t kill them.” I say. 

“Look at me.” Jagger says and I do. My eyes going to him. 

“Men like them….you think you’re the only one they do that shit to?” He asks and I wince. 

“Jagger. Don’t” Axl says. 

“No.” Jagger shakes his head at his brother but still looks at me. “She needs to understand what she’s asking of us.”

“She needs to think about what she’s asking us to ignore.” He says and I breathe harder and tears fall down my cheeks.

“I don’t want anything to happen to you. To your family” I say and he shakes his head. 

“You think we could sleep at night knowing what we know and letting men like that get away with doing what they do? In our town? To you, to other girls?” He asks and my lip trembles. 

“We won’t promise you that they won’t die for it Liv.”  Jagger says. 

“Because they deserve to.” Crue says and I look around the table. 

“Are you okay with men like that doing that shit to other girls Liv?” Jagger asks and I shake my head. 

“No!” I cry. 

“Jagger..” Axl growls. 

“Would you be okay with one of them doing that shit to Violet?” Jagger growls. 

“No!” I cry. 

“Jagger. Enough.” Axl growls. Standing up. 

“Because they will. They’ll do that shit to other girls. To little girls like Violet , is that what you fucking want?” Jagger asks. 

Sid flies up and grabs Axl as I scream no again. Sid pulls him back from flying over the table. 

“Good.” Jagger says as he leans across the table. And I wipe my tears as they keep falling. 

“Give is their fucking names Liv. Every single fucking one. And we’ll make sure it doesn’t happen.” He says and I lift my eyes to him. I know he wasn’t trying to be cruel. He’s right. It’s not just me they’ve probably done it too. And they won’t stop. They’ll keep going on being predators until someone stops them. Makes them stop. 

I give a nod. Jagger gives me a soft smile and another nod as Axl sits back in his seat behind me. 

Jagger walks out of the dining area and comes back a minute later. With a paper. And a pen. And sets it down in front of me. 

“Names Liv. All of them.” He says softly. 

I nod. My shaky hand taking the pen and tears streaming down my cheeks. And place the tip of the pen to the paper. And I write their names.