EroticReverie

Jackson James.........Four Years Later

I haven't dated or fucked or even looked at another woman since Peyton left me. Only two days after the incident after the engagement party where she'd had a panic attack so severe I thought she would suffocate herself...she left. The hardest thing I ever had to do was let her leave. Because I knew I couldn't do anything to take it back, and Peyton wasn't the kind of woman who could forget something like that. Nobody could forget something like that. But I didn't want to hurt her anymore, and being with me....being with the man that hurt her the way I did...was just hurting her more. I was torn, between wanting to continue fighting for her, and letting her go. But I couldn't fight for her, without forcing her to relive the betrayal every single day. 

"Doing okay man?" my friend Henry asks as we stand in a line on the side of the groom, Peyton on the other side, in the line of bridesmaids. 

"No." I say honestly, unable to take my fucking eyes off her. 

I havent seen her in person, since our divorce was finalized, three months after she left. There was no prenup, but she didn't want a single thing, didn't ask for anything in our divorce. All she wanted, was to not be married to me anymore. There was no vindictive revenge of trying to take me for everything I was worth. She simply just didn't want to be mine anymore. Didn't want me to be hers. And that was far fucking worse. 

Peyton is in a champagne colored dress, with thin straps, a pair of matching heels, her gorgeous brown hair is now dyed a much lighter brown, almost blonde, is pinned up in an expensive updo that all the bridemaids have. But it looks best on her. Everything does. Always has. 

She hasn't looked at me once. Not through the rehearsal last night, not through the dinner. Not through the ceremony, and not now as we take pictures together. 

The best thing I ever had stands mere feet away, and won't even fucking look at me. So no, I'm not okay. Because I still want her, still fucking need her, and still can't fucking live without her. 

I watch her as she goes over to her date after the pictures are done. She smiles sweetly at him, hand on his chest, as he leans down and whispers something into her ear. My throat tightens. She laughs softly and shakes her head, his hand sliding over the low back of the dress, and over the curve of her ass as he keeps whispering and she gives him a little shove. 

"Quit staring, you look homicidal." Henry whispers. 

"Maybe I am." I say through my teeth and he pats my back. 

"Let's go get you a drink." He says and points to the hotel. 

I just grit my teeth and follow, tearing my eyes away from her. 

-----------------

I watch her with her plus one the enitre night. They're not happy. Not like we were. They arent crazy about each other like we were, they aren't stealing touches or having trouble keeping their hands off each other. There arent heated stares, or little arugments with one another. They aren't fucking crazy for each other like we were. She looks fucking bored. She's smiling, but it's not the same one she had with me. I watch them dance on the dance floor, watch them seperate and talk among different groups of people. They dont cling to one anothers sides like we did. 

"Dance with me?" A female voice asks me as I look at Peyton across the ballroom, laughing with a group of older women. 

I don't even look to the female. 

"No thank you." I say and lift my drink and take another drink.

"I'm the bride, you have to say yes." Madison says and I look up. I give her an apologetic smile. 

"sorry" I say with a wince and she smile softly and places a hand on my shoulder.

"Get your ass up, you are killing the vibe" she says jokingly. 

"Sorry, I dont mean to-"

"It's okay. I know." she says softly and places her hand out , palm up. 

Madison was always one of the girls in our friend group I liked. Maybe because she was one of the only ones that tried to get Peyton to give me another chance in those months after she left, before the divorce. 

I stand and go with her to the dance floor. 

"Keep your hands where I can see em James" her new husband and one of my best friends Will says and I just give him a little laugh and brace one arm behind her back, holding her other hand in the air to our side. 

"you doing okay?" she asks, with a soft cock of her head. 

"yeah." I say. 

"Liar." she says and I give her as much of a smile as I can manage.

"You still love her." she says, it's not a questions.

"Of course I do." I say. "It's Peyton." 

She smiles softly. 

"Then why havent you tried to get her back?" she asks and I pause a moment before moving my feet again, and spinning us in a slow lazy circle. 

"Because she's better off without me. I hurt her." I say. 

"Yes, You did. But do you truly believe she's better without you?" she asks, and I look at her.

"She can't even look at me Madison." I say, swallowing down the lump in my throat.

"He's going to propose." Madison says, and this time I do stop. 

"He's going to propose. And she'll say yes. And she'll marry a man that doesnt love her." She says. 

"What?" I ask. 

"He's not good enough for her. He doesnt love her for the right reasons. You're not good enough either, but you love her." 

"she doesnt love me anymore" I say. 

"Yes she does." Madison says and I look at her. 

"Trust me. I know Peyton. I...talk...to Peyton....and she's not in love with him...but she'll force herself to try to love him....because the man she really loves is a dipshit that hasn't tried to win her back" 

"I tried. God , I fucking tried Madison, but, she couldnt even stand to be around me, it was hurting her" I say. 

"She still loves you." She says and I look at her. 

"No she-"

"Yes. Jackson. She does." Madison says. 

"If you let my friend settle for that jackass, I swear to god I'll never forgive you" Madison says and I just shake my head.

"Peyton loves you. She's still IN love with you. And maybe Im a terrible best friend for betraying her confidence, and the fact she was three sheets to the wind....but the night of my bachelotte party, while holding her hair back as she threw up into the the toilet....do you know who she wanted me to call?" She asks me and my throats swells and I try to swallow , and can't.

"You." She says. "She kept asking me to call you, and even once we all got her cleaned up into bed, she laid there emoitonal and crying and begging for us to let her have her phone because she missed you. And....that's not the first time she's done that. And not the first time she's mentioned you to me. She swore me to secrecy to never let you know that she asks about how you're doing, or how you looked last time I saw you, or if you were seeing anyone...and I have...Ive kept it to myself...because i was so sure you'd get your head out of your ass and go after her.  Get your wife back Jackson, or I swear to god I will have Will beat the shit out of you." she says and I half laugh and half want to cry and I shake my head. 

"If you love her asshole, then at least fucking try, she's worth it to try, isnt she? She's had time to heal...just fucking try. Please?" She asks and I look across the ballroom and sigh. 

"Yeah, okay." I say and nod. "Yeah okay."