EroticReverie

Peyton 

He looked as devastatingly handsome as always. It was unfair that the older men got, they just got hotter. While women were running themselves into the ground trying to keep up a skin care routine and injecting Botox into their faces just to try to prevent wrinkles that were years away. 

I don’t look at him though. Not really. I don’t need to look directly at him to know that he’s the best looking man I’ll ever see in my entire life. And I can’t look at him because I know it’ll hurt. 

While I’ve taken the time to work on myself and forgive him, I know it will hurt. To see him and know that four years have gone by and I’ll have to live the rest of my years without him. 

It was my therapists idea to start dating again. So I had. A year or so after the divorce was finalized. I’d gone on dates. Suffered through them with boring men who didn’t cause any sparks. Some of them were promising , creating little fizzles. But nothing strong enough to light a flame comparable to the man I’d married and divorced.  

Daniel, my current boyfriend hadn’t either. But I’ve forced myself to stick it out. Because , he’s a good guy. A decent guy. Was there passion? No. I didn’t obsess over him when we were apart or feel like I’d scream if I didn’t have his hands on me at least once a day. Was the sex good? Yes. Was it great? Maybe. Sometimes it was. But did it stop my heart , feel so good I could cry? Did it make me crazy and out of my mind? No. Nobody could do that. Except for him. Except for Jackson. 

Daniel and I have been together for six months. He’s started asking questions about rings. Trying to subtly bring them up or making comments on jewelry commercials or ads, or commenting on a celebrity’s ring when a new marriage hits the media. And I don’t know how to tell the poor guy that no ring will ever compare to the one I’ve kept on my nightstand for three years. 

I put it away out of sight the first year after leaving Jackson. I couldn’t look at it. It was a form of torture. And I suppose it still is. But at least, I’m strong enough for it now. 

Therapy helped more than I thought it would. My therapist saved me from insanity. Truly.  

I was still mad at Jackson. But I also still loved him with everything inside of me. There wouldn’t ever be another him. He’d made a mistake. In the scheme of things it could have been far worse. But I learned not to compare the betrayal to other situations. Everyone has their own circumstances. A betrayal of trust like that, is still a betrayal. He hurt me. 

I’ve told Daniel I love him. And I’m not sure if it’s the kind of love he wants or deserves. But it’s not a lie. He’s good to me. He’s good to others. We don’t argue. And if we did, I’m not sure he’d handle it well. I wasn’t myself with him. I wasn’t myself with any of the guys I dated. Being with Jackson, having our love ruined , knowing it was possibly due to my being crazy. I’ve hidden that part of me. Learned to be someone else. And maybe that’s for the better. 

“You ready to go honey?” Daniel asks as the night tapers off and most guests have already left. Daniel kisses my temple. 

I nod. 

“Let me just say goodbye to Madison and Will” I say and he nods. 

“I’ll got get the car, I’ll meet you out front?” He asks. I nod with a smile and give him a kiss. 

“I’ll be out shortly” I say and he nods and smiles and kisses me again and then walks away. 

I go say my goodbyes to Madison and Will. 

“One sec” Madison says and then hikes up her dress and rushes across the room to the wedding table and I lift a brow when she comes beaming back at me with her bouquet in hand. 

“Here” she says and pushes it against my stomach. 

“What?” I laugh. I thought it was weird she had changed her mind about a bouquet toss. 

“You made a beautiful bride once. And you’ll be one again” she says and I swallow. 

“Just make sure it’s the right groom” she says and I look at her and then my head turns over my shoulder to where her eyes have gone and without meaning to. I lock eyes with him. Jackson. Standing there. Leaning against the entrance to the ballroom. His tux jacket draped over one arm. My heart stops. I rip my eyes from him and back to Madison. 

“Mad-“

“Talk to him.” She whispers. 

“No-I can’t, I-“ 

“Please Peyton. Just talk to him.” She says softly. 

“Youre ready babe” she says gently and takes my face in her hands. “It’s been four years, so you really want to go the rest of your life wondering if you should’ve given him another chance?” She asks and my eyes water. I look down and shake my head. 

“No.” I choke out my answer. 

She wraps me in her arms. 

“But Daniel is outside” I say. 

“I’ll handle it.” She says and I shake my head. 

“No, i….ill just say hello when I walk out” I say. Lying to myself. 

“Go talk to him.” She whispers. “I’ve got Daniel covered”

My hands shake as I grip the bouquet. But I nod. 

I turn and watch her walk out whisper something to Jackson as she passes. His eyes never leaving me and he just nods. 

My heart is on fire as I lift my eyes to his. They burn right into my soul. Everything awakens inside of me. 

I exhale. Taking a shaking breath. And try to move across the floor but my feet don’t move. I exhale and tremble as his feet are the ones to move. And I watch the love of my life make his way slowly across the room and to where I stand. And the three words that come from his mouth have me traveling back to over four years ago. The same three words he said to me the first time we met. 

“Hello Little Devil”