EroticReverie

Evangelina …another two months later 

I don’t ask questions. When it’s time for us to move , we move. We’ve been to six different safe houses over the past three months. Until the guys think they’re no longer safe. The. We pick up and move again. Though there’s not much to pick up and move. Each of us has a small duffel of clothes that we’ve stopped and bought along the way.  I guess traveling and escaping with six rich guys that have access to money makes it easy. The guys had made a plan before they came to save me and Zade that night. Each of them from wealthy families, other than Zade and myself. They’d gone to their banks and made large, very large cash withdrawals. That prompted obvious calls to alert their father who were also Devils. But by the time they realized their sons had taken as much money as the bank could allow them in one transaction , it was too late. They’d saved us and taken us to the cabin. Then two days later , after Arrows cousin checked us out and cleared us for no serious life threatening injuries. We were on the move. 

Part of me is worried that one of them might not be truly on our side. I want to believe that they’re all better than their fathers, better than Steele and Grady. But I also knew what would happen if Grady or Steele got ahold of me. So all I do is worry. And worry.  And worry. 

I’m currently laying in a bed , in a cottage on the Maine coast , having my pussy eaten by the hottest man to ever exist , and yet can’t focus enough on just enjoying it. I’m constantly worrying. Constantly thinking about what happened and trying to ignore the flashbacks of that night. Zade and I only started to become intimate again just last week. I needed time and honestly. So did he. Not just to heal from the physical but the mental. And I’m not sure either of us were even close to healing from the mental trauma of it. And I didn’t believe we ever really would. 

In a fucked up way, it made me even closer to Zade. That’s why when he told me he loved me that day in the cabin. I didn’t question it. That fucked up night had bonded us in a way that wouldn’t be undone. These past three months, not being intimate and just truly getting to know each other, has only made what I feel for him, even stronger. These past three months of arguing and fighting , crying , holding each other and him soothing me in the middle of nights from the horrors that come to me in my sleep. They tried to break us, and they did. But as we put ourselves back together, we’re only getting stronger. 

“Tell me what to do to make you cum baby” Zade groans as he sucks my clit and push my head back and close my eyes in frustration. Because he’s tried, several times over the past week, to get me off. And I just can’t. My mind is stuck and so is my body. Even if it knows the man trying to heal me is the one between my legs. It doesn’t matter. I can’t cum. It shouldn’t be as important as it is. But I’m angry. I’m angry that those men took a part of me and made me overthink and constantly think of them. I couldn’t turn it off. 

“I can’t” I cry out. Tears in my eyes. 

Zade stops and kisses my clit and kisses it again. 

“I love you Evie” he says. 

“I know” I cry as more tears rolls down my cheeks and then he’s moving up and over me and he kisses my cheek and then my mouth and I whimper. 

“I’m sorry. I’m trying. It’s not you, it’s-“

“Shhhh, don’t you dare apologize to me” he says and kisses me again and I kiss him back. My one leg lifting up and around him. 

“Make love to me” I plead. Because we haven’t had actual sex again yet. 

“Baby” he shakes his head. “I’m not doing that, not yet”

“But I’m ready” I say. Because I was. I’ve been ready. I was sick of him being so sweet and comforting and careful with me. I loved him more for it. But it also just made me feel more broken. 

“Evie” he says with a groan as I reach down. 

“Don’t you want me?” I ask and it’s pathetic and it’s mean of me to make him feel guilty. But I need him. I don’t just want him. I need him. I need to try at the very least , and I just want him so bad that it hurts. Even if my brain and body won’t allow me the orgasm of it, I needed him to have me. I needed to have him. 

“Baby, don’t” he groans as I reach down and pushes down his boxers. 

“Make love to me” I breathe on his mouth. 

“I just need you inside of me” I exhale and he groans as I stroke his cock. 

“Fuck me baby” I moan and he grins his teeth and groans as he shuffles and moves as he pushes down his boxers and I’m breathing hard with anticipation as I watch him hover back over me and dip down to my mouth as I take his cock and guide him towards my pussy. 

“I love you” he says. “Are you sure you’re ready?” 

I nod and I flinch as he pushes against me. He pauses, because I flinch and whimper. God damnit. 

“Evangelina.” He says softly. “Please, don’t make me do this” he says and he’s the one almost whimpering now and I see this giant man over me, pleading with me, with glassy eyes. 

“Can’t we just try?” I cry. I was so angry. Not at him. Never at him. But angry that those men ruined me for this perfect man that I wanted to give myself to. They ruined me.  It wasn’t fair. 

“Can you, just, go slow?” I ask. He closes his eyes and turns his head and sighs. 

I grab his arms as he slowly pushes in. 

“Look at me” I say through a hiss as I feel his cock slide into me , only half way in. 

“I can’t , I can’t look at you when I know I’m hurting you, when I know you aren’t ready” he says. And he’s angry too. I can feel it. 

“You’re not hurting me. I promise.” I say. Because it wasn’t how thick he was that hurt. It was the reminder of the men that had abused me and used me in front of him. That’s what hurt. Knowing that anytime he looks at me, he could be picturing it. The way they’d forced him to watch me endure every single one of them. 

“Look at me , please” I nearly start to cry again. 

He drops his head and takes a deep breath and sinks in further and I arch my back. My hands tightening on his arms. 

“This fucking sucks” he says and his voice is cracking and when he looks at me. His eyelids lift and tears slip from his eyes. 

“Please, can we stop?” He asks and I feel shame and guilt eat me alive. And I nod. I was an asshole for asking this of him. 

I feel my pussy clench around him desperately as he withdrawals slowly and grits his teeth. 

“I’m okay, if you’re okay, don’t stop because you think you’re hurting me, you’re not hurting me” I tell him. 

“You can’t cum for me Evie. I’m not going to use to fucking get off.” He says and maybe some of that anger IS towards me. Because he pulls out and doesn’t just roll over , but he gets out of the bed and grabs his boxers. 

“Are you mad at me?” I ask quietly and he stops as he lifts his boxers and lets the elastic snap on his waist. 

“I’m mad at everything. But never at you.” He says and I nod. 

“Maybe you’re ready, but I don’t think I am, I…you still have nightmares, every night.” He says.  I frown.

“I’m sorry” I say

“Don’t fucking apologize to me!” He yells and I flinch and my lower lip wobbles and I break into a full on sob. 

“Shit!” He says angrily and I don’t flinch when he flies into the bed and scoops me up. 

“I’m not angry with you, I didn’t mean to yell, I’m sorry, please, please stop crying” he says and kisses my head as he cradles my head below his chin and rests his cheek on the top of my head. 

“Please, just, don’t apologize to me for things that aren’t Youre fault, it makes me feel like shit baby, that you feel the need to apologize to me for things that aren’t Youre fault”

“You do it too” I cry. 

Because he does. When he holds me in the middle of the night. Apologizing for my nightmares that he thinks he’s responsible for. Apologizing everytime we have to pick up and move. 

He sighs. “I know. But-“

“There’s not but. Don’t yell at me like that ever again” I say as my voice cracks with a cry from the tears still rolling down my cheeks. 

“I won’t. I promise. I’m sorry. It wasn’t about you, it never is, I fucking love you , so much” he whispers.

“I love you more” I say and he sighs. 

“We’ll have to agree to disagree on that baby” he says and kisses my head again and then he lays us down and pulls the covers up over us and holds me to him in his big arms and I feel safe. I might not be. Because I’m not. Neither is he. But when he holds me like this, it feels like nothing bad can happen to me as long as I’m right here in his arms. 

“We’ll be okay. Right?” I ask after a few minutes of just laying there with him. 

“As long as I’ve got you, I’ll be just fine. Better than okay” he whispers and kisses my forehead and I lift my chin to him. 

“I’m sorry for pressuring you , it wasn’t right, I just thought maybe it would help me. But I didn’t think about whether or not it would help you. I’m sorry.” I say and he kisses me softly. 

“There’s nothing I want more than to make love to you Evangelina, so don’t think I don’t want to, because I do. I just , I need to take care of you. And you might think you’re ready, but …maybe it’s a dick thing for me to say and tell you that you’re not when it’s your body and your choice to make, but you’re not baby. I love you for wanting to be brave and wanting to be close to me and wanting to erase what happened, but you’re not ready. And I feel it in my gut. Please don’t hate me for telling you that I know what’s best for you.” He says with a grumble. 

I smile softly at him. 

“I love you” I tell him as I lift my hand to his face. “I’ll always love you, and I’ll never hate you for wanting to take care of me” I say and he exhales. 

“Thank fuck, I thought you were gonna rip me a new asshole” he says and both of us laugh quietly and I put my head back to his upper chest and close my eyes. 

“I love you” I say it again because it needs to be said and even though we say it all day long it still doesn’t seem like enough. 

“I love you more.” He whispers barely audible. 

“I heard that.” I whisper and he hugs me tighter. 

“And we’re just going to have to agree to disagree.” I whisper again.