EroticReverie

Bella

The ride home is awkward and silent, neither of us speaks for several minutes, and I suck in a breath when his right hand moves from the steering wheel and over onto my thigh, right above my knee. I hold my breath, and I dont know if its because I forget how to breathe because I'm nervous and trying to analyze what that hand on my skin means, or if because Im purposely trying to freeze this moment, because it's not that he's never touched me casually before, of course he has, we always  do, but it's never been like this. I've never had a simple touch light me on fucking fire.

"Breathe Bella" He says as his thumb stroke the outside of my knee and I force myselff to exhale, it comes out hard, shaky, unstable and I look at him, my head turning as he looks at the road and then shifts his eyes briefly over to mine. A small smile on his lips.

"Keep breathing." He says and I suck in another breath and he smiles as if we're not about to go to his place and have a "Talk" that could either be the best thing to ever happen to either of us, or the worst. 

"Should I take my hand off your knee?" He asks and I shake my head several times as his eyes flick back and forth between me and the road. 

"Then exhale, and keep breathing Peanut." He says and I let out my breath and sink a bit more into my seat, my shoulder and head relaxing against the seat as I force another slow and ALMOST steady breath.

His hand remains there. There's no more talking and as we pull in his driveway part of me wants to scream TAKE ME HOME! , because, Im terrified. So terrified in fact, that I feel tears in my eyes that I try to fight. He parks and then takes a deep breath and then leans his head back for a moment. 

"you ready to go insi-" He pauses.

"Peanut, why are you crying?" He says, undoing hsi seatbelt and turning towards me and facing me, his left hand reaching over for the right side of my face as little tears roll down my cheeks.

"When DONT I cry?" I say, trying to laugh, trying to make a joke of it. But Ive never been so fucking scared in all of my life. 

"Hey...look at me" he says gently when I keep my eyes down.

""Maybe you should.." I start. "Maybe you should just take me home" I say quietly, barely speaking, because I dont WANT to go home, but Im too chicken shit to stay. 

"Do you WANT me to take you home?" He asks and then swipes a tear and I shake my head. 

"no" I answer him as I sniff. 

"Look at me......please?" He asks when I still dont look up. 

I force my wet lashes to lift and he looks me dead in the eyes, his sparkling ocean blues on my golden brown, a small smile finds his lips, my eyes going to his lips, then back up to his eyes. 

"We dont have to talk about it, okay? We can,..I dont know, pretend it didnt happen, again." He says and frown slightly.

"I'm scared." I admit it quietly. 

"Me too Peanut , more scared than I've ever been, but that's why we're going to talk it out okay? I wont force you to talk about it, if you dont want to, but...I think....we should." He says and I nod, because he's right. 

"Let's go inside?" He asks and I nod. 

--

I hate how weird it feels to walk into his house right now, like Im not supposed to be here, like im not at home, when this IS my home. 

"I'm just going to let Sampson out, alright?" He asks and I nod, standing like I've never been in this house before, even though i've been in it a million times. 

"Sit Bella." He says, and I look at him. I nod. 

"I will. I just...I need a sec." I say and he frowns slightly but nods and then calls Sampson, who comes wiggling down the hall excitedly towards Walker, then spots me and detours and gives me the old greeting. I laugh, and pet his head also push  his snouth from between my legs. Walker calls him again, it takes a few tries, but he gets Sampson to listen and follow him to the back door. 

I take a deep breath and decide to stay. Put your fucking big girl pants on Bella, I tell myself. I sit on the arm of the couch and reach down and undo one of my strappy heels and slip it off. 

As Im struggling with the other , Walker walks back in, Sampson at his water bell, slurping it up loudly as Walker comes into the room.

I growl slightly as I fidgeting the the strap that stuck, and then lift my eyes when Walker squats down in front of me. 

"Here, let me get it" he says and my hand freezes and he gently slips his hand around my ankle and the other works the strap and then he slides it off with ease. 

His eyes lift to mine, and his hand is still on my ankle. 

"Want to just watch tv for a little bit?" he asks. 

I shake my head. Because while I want to run from this to save us from ruining our friendship, I also now feel myself wanting to face it, run right INTO it, and figure it out. 

"Do you want to talk, or do you want to go to bed? Tell me what you want to do Peanut." He says and then gently lowers my ankle and I swallow.

"Talk." I say softly and I'm glad for the smile on his face. Because it lets me know that's what he wants to do too. That Im not alone in the "let's just face it" department. 

He moves, and so do I , and we take a seat on the couch as Sampson comes in and lays on his dog bed with a little huff as he collapses. 

"I don't know where to start." He says , and we both sit near each other, but not as near as we normally do, our bodies angled towards one another, our inner knees grazing as I keep my hands in my lap and lift his arm up over the couch. 

"Me either." I say and he smiles. 

"I cant lose you." He says. 

I shake my head. "I cant lose you either."  I say and my eyes water. 

"Sorry, theres probably going to be lots of crying" I say and speaking of the tears makes the come and I sigh and growl at myself as I swipe my cheeks. 

"You never have to apologize for your tears. I've never minded them, they don't scare me Bella." he says and then I take a deep breath and try to settle myself. 

"I think we should give it a shot." He says and I blink. Wow, okay, so , just throwing it out there, but was there a right way and wrong way to have this conversation. I supposed getting right to the point was the best method.

"Is that something you want, or no?" He says.

"give what a shot? Like dating or sex?" I say and the corner of his lips lift.

"Everything." He says and I feel my heart stop. I dont think it even beats for several seconds.

"Breathe." He whispers and I force my breath in and out. 

"Im going to be honest." He says. I nod, thankful he's doing a lot of the talking, because I cant think, I can't even fucking manage to remember to breathe without him reminding me. 

" I think we'd be fucking great together in bed." he says and I blink several times. 

"oh" I say. Feeling a pinch of disappointment. While I was flattered he thought I'd be good in bed, it breaks my heart just a little bit, okay, a lot, to hear him say he wants to give SEX a shot. Not anything else. Fuck, this was a bad idea. Because I could have sex with him, and only have sex.

"But, if im being honest....if that's all you're curious about between us, if that's all you want to try, I mean....I dont think I can do that......I cant...have sex with you and not..." he searches for the words, his eyes looking away, then at me, then away as he talks, and then back again. 

"While sex with you would probably be fucking incredible, it would....it would only be that way, because I....I already love you. You're my best friend. And the way I've been feeling lately...I dont think I could have sex with you and not want it all...and if sex is all you want, then, -"

"It's not." I say and he takes a huge breath and lets it out.

"thank fuck"he says and I find my lips smiling slightly.

"I think I'm in love with you Bella." He says and it's so...I dont even know. Like he's not saying something life altering right now. 

I Know. I KNOW, i'm in love with him. Have been , but I cant say that, not right now, not when he only THINKS he's in love with me. 

"that's a lie." he sighs and shakes his head and my brows pinch and my heart pauses 

"I am." he says. "And I fucking hate saying that our friends are right, but I think I have been in love with you, for a long time, but it just...never seemed like it was an option for us, you know?" 

I nod. Because, yes, yes I fucking know. 

"I'm in love with you too." I say softly. 

His brows lift slightly. "really?" 

I nod, my eyes watering. "yeah, really...like....bad." 

He smiles and he inches closer and then lifts my legs, and lays them over his lap, his arm behind me, pulling me in as he looks at me. 

"Bad huh?" he cocks a brow, teasing me and I roll my eyes.

"stop, this isnt funny" i say and give him a shove.

"I love you." He says and I hear it, feel it, the new weight in those words. Beyond a best friend kind of love. 

"I love you too." I say it back and he smiles.

"I dont want to pretend anymore with you Bella, I dont want to forget the other night, tonight, or now. I want you. I want us. And I want it forever." he says and my hear riots in my chest as I nod.

"What if we change our minds?" I ask. "What if I lose you?" 

He shakes his head. "Never gonna happen, at least not with me. why? You think you would change your mind?" He asks, and studies me, his eyes on mine and I shake my head.

"No, but...if it doesnt work out...we lose everything....is being in love enough, you always here other people say-"

"We're not other people." he says and I stop talking and realize he's right. We're not other people. 

"We know each other. We hang out all the time, we get along better than anyone I know. Im...kinda obsessed with my best friend." He says with a small smirk. 

I huff a little laugh. "yeah, i am too" I say. 

"good." he says and then is shifting and grabbing my waist.

"Walker" I say as he pulls me and I move where his hands guide me, till Im straddling his lap and my dress rides up my thighs and his hands slip onto them as he looks at me. 

"Bella?" He asks. 

"Yeah?" I breathe, my hands on his shoulders as his hands smooth up and down my thighs, then stop and he lifts his hands to my face, and stares at me, his eyes floating all over my face.

"Will you be girlfriend?" He asks. I shiver, my hands trembling on his shoulders I nod.

"yes" I answer and he smiles. 

"We'll always worry about what might go wrong, we'll always fear losing one another, but I think that just means that this is how it's supposed to be, how it was supposed to go all along, us becoming best friends, lying to ourselves for so long and building our relationship in friendship before we got to this part." He says and I feel my eyes water. 

"Im crying" I say. 

He smiles and laughs softly.

"Yeah Peanut, I see that." He says and then wipes my tears as they fall.

"I think us worrying about losing one another, is what's going to make us the best at loving each other. Because I cant live without you,  and I'd do anything, WILL do anything to keep you in my life. It was true as my best friend, and true now as my girlfriend...and you're still my best friend, always will be." He says and gives me a little wink.

"Our friends are going to flip their shit" I half laugh and half sniffle.

He laughs. "Cant wait for all the i told you so's" he says.

"pft, i can." I say and he laughs and nods. 

"It's okay for us to be scared." he says. 

"Im terrified." I whisper.

"Anything I can do to make you less terrified?" He asks, cocking his head and peering at me as I look down, then lift my eyes to his again.

"Promise me we don't change, that we'll be best friends, no matter what." I say and he nods.

"Done. I promise." he says.

"I meant it, if you break up with me, and then...It would kill me. Losing you, would be the worst thing to ever happen to me." I say. 

"Same here." He says. "And I promise, you'll never lose me." 

"Make me a promise?" He asks and I nod.

"Never make the bed ever again." he says and I laugh, sniffling still and wiping the stray tears that fall at their own will. 

"Promise." I say.

"Promise me you'll never be on time ever again." he says and I laugh and nod. 

"Promise me if you change, you let me change with you , that if you grow into another version of yourself, you let me grow with you, that if we fight, we make up, and that you always come to bed with me at night, even if you're mad at me, that neither of walks away from any problems we have, that we do it all together, get through it together, stay together." He says and Im nodding, and of course, more tears are falling.

"I promise." I say with a little blubblering whimper. 

"I'm sorry" he says and wipes my tears. 

"For w-what?" I ask, my brows pinching. 

"For taking five fucking years to admit it to myself that I've been in love with you." he says and cry. Boy do I cry. I dip my head into his neck, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Im sorry too" I cry.

"Don't be, you're fucking perfect Peanut, and you can do no wrong" he says and rubs my back with one hand, cupping my head with the other. 

"oh im sure i can manage to do a lot wrong" I say and he laughs softly and I squeeze my eyes shut as he kisses my temple.

"nah" he mutters against my temple. 

"not my Peanut, she's flawless" he whispers. 

I bury my face harder with a whimper and hug his neck tighter.

"I'll never love anyone the way I love you" I cry.

"Good, cause i wasnt gonna allow you to anyways" he says and then presses a harder kiss to my temple as I laugh into his neck. My head lifts and he smiles up at me as I stay perched on his lap. 

"I'll never love anyone the way I love you, either" he says. 

"Maybe I'll regret not admitting it to myself sooner" he continues. "But I believe the five years we waited to get our heads out of our ass.." he says and I laugh and wipe my cheeks. 

"I believe those years are only going to make our romantic relationship stronger...because I cant think of anything more perfect that being in love with you...my best friend." he says and I grab his face in my hands now.

"are we gonna kiss or what?" I ask and he laughs. 

"Can I put you in my tshirt first, then put you in my bed, and in my arms , and THEN kiss you?" he asks. 

I nod. "Can we hurry though?" I ask . 

He smiles and stands and i slip back towards his knees and then stand.

"Yes, yes we can" he says and grabs my hand, and my heart leaps into my fucking throat, and I feel a riot of butterflies, not just in my stomach, but fucking everywhere, everything tingles and buzzes and flutters as I follow him, my hand in his as he takes me to his bedroom.