EroticReverie

(for some reason this one didn't post before I posted chapter 3)

Valencia

I know what I did was shitty. But I had only just turned nineteen a few months prior to finding out I was pregnant with Veda. I was scared. So fucking terrified. I didn't want them to think I was trying to "Trap" them. We all contactly said how we never wanted kids. We joked about how much we didn't like kids. We weren't monsters or anything, we didn't HATE children, but we just never understood why so many people just couldnt wait to be responsible for raising a fucking child , or heaven forbid , multiples. 

the second I realized I might be pregnant, my mind was made up. I wasnt getting an abortion. I told myself I could always put the baby up for adoption, there were plenty of parents who were ready to raise children. I wasn't. But I took a pregnany test. Then went to the doctors office all by myself to have them confirm. They did a sonogram for me, and the second I saw the little pea sized blotch in my womb on a grainy looking monitor. I fell in love. And i decided, no adoption either. That i'd keep her. 

I debated for the next few weeks how to tell the others. but in the end, I couldnt. Was it fair of me? No. But I'd made their decision for them. I didnt want them to be mad at me, or blame me for accidentally getting pregnant. Would they have though? Probably not, they'd probably have been so fucking supportive, they loved me, we were all in love, and they would have been there for me. So I guess my main reason for not telling them, is because, I didnt want them to regret me or the baby. I didnt want to take away their lives by making them take care of a child. This wasn't their plan. It wasnt mine either, but it was my body, and Id dumbly told myself that I was more responsible for what happened than they were, even though it takes two...in our case...four....to tango. 

I knew they wouldnt let me go. So, I did what any coward would do. I left when they werent home. Left letters for each of them, but all of them said pretty much the same thing. 

This isn't working for me. I love you. Im sorry. But I'm moving. Dont come look for me. Dont try to contact me, because it will be easier if it's a clean break. It was the worst thing I could have done to them and the last thing I wanted to do, but I told myself it was for the best, and convinced myself I was doing the right thing. That they were young, just like me, and they didnt deserve to be weighed down by a child. 

So I'd moved, out of the city, a few hours away. Even though I told them I was moving across the country with my cousin. I wasn't. I found a small room with a few roomates, who fortunately, ended up being great people. While I was pregnant, I worked my ass off for as long as I could. Pregnant waitresses make really good fucking tips. 

Once I had Veda, my roomates did a lot of free babysitting for me. They helped me with buying the things I needed for her arrival, without even asking them to. They were women a few years older than me, but they werent really partiers, so a baby didnt really cramp their style. I couldnt have been luckier.....except....I could have.....had I not been so fucking scared to tell the guys that I was pregnant. Because I would have had three men supporting me, helping me take care of her. But even now, still, I cant help but tell myself, I save them the obligation of having to do so. 

But the more time that passed with Veda growing so quickly, I would cry every night, feeling guilty for robbing them of that time with her. Because what if they DID want her? What if they would have changed their minds the second they knew I was growing one of their children inside of me? So, I talked myself into coming here. To tell them, to give them the choice. I knew it was too late , but told myself it was better late than never. They deserved to know. 

So now I sit here, watching as Emmett sits on the floor with Veda, and he's got her coloring him a picture with a pen and paper as we all talk. Well. Me, Emmett and Drew. Archer is still in his bedroom. 

I knew he'd take it the hardest. I knew he'd hate me for leaving them. Emmett has always been the softy, he's carefree, the most understanding human being i've ever met, and has the incredible ability to put his self in others peoples shoes, and see where they're coming from in nearly all situations.  Drew, is somewhere in the middle of Archer and Emmett.  Then Archer, is just....stubborn. Everything is black and white. There's no gray area with him. I already know he won't forgive me, for leaving, or for not telling them about Veda. and that's okay, because if I was them, Im not sure i'd forgive me either. Hell, I didnt forgive myself. I hurt three people who meant the world to me. What we had was perfect. I'd only lived with them, and fell in love with them, for almost two years. 

Me and Emmett were seventeen when we moved in with Drew and Archer. Drew and Archer had been nineteen. I was already dating Emmett at the time, and we both had shitty parents. Emmett knew Drew and Archer from school, but I only knew their names and faces at the time. Once we moved in, a few months later, Emmett brought up the idea of us having an open relationship. At first, Id been upset. But then he told me what he ACTUALLY meant, which was, he thought Drew and Archer were both interested  in me. I'd told him he was crazy, but then another few weeks after that. We'd all been a little tipsy, and played a game of "dares" , which of course ended up with me kissing all of them at least once, and then, things got carried away, and that night, I had a foursome, with my boyfriend and our two male room mates. 

then after that. I was getting good morning kisses, and being treated like I was Drew's and Archer's girlfriend too. none of us really even talked about what we were doing, it just happened. And we were all okay with it. 

"So, do you, like, want us to take a paternity test?" Drew asks. 

I shrug. "I dont know. Do you..want to take one?" I ask. 

"I don't." Emmett says and I look at him and nod. 

"It's funny." Drew says as he looks at Veda on the floor. "You think she might have my nose, or Drews nose, or Archer's, or you know something that would hint to which one of us is the dad....but ...she's all you Val. The hair. The eyes. The lips. the nose. The ears. Everything, is all you. " he says and I smile as I look at my daughter.

"I think she's got eyebrows." Emmett says and I smile.

"Your eyebrows?" Drew laughs.

"yeah man...look...same arch" Emmett says and then lifts a brow and Drew laughs. 

"Plus, she's really adorable, and we all know you and Archer wouldnt be able to make a kid this cute, so it must be me" Emmett says. And what makes it even funnier, is he's not even entirely joking. I know Emmett, and he'll probably refuse to let Drew or Archer take a paternity test, just so he can claim he's the dad. 

Drew, Emmett and I, sit and talk for hours. They dont let me entirely "Get away with it" when it comes to how I left, or how I waited years to tell them about Veda. But, they get it. I know it hurts their feelings, but when I explain it, they promise me they aren't mad, and I know that I don't deserve the grace their giving me, but I'm thankful for it. 

I ask about what they've been doing, if they're dating anyone. They both give me a look, and it's silence. Their eyes speaking a million words and I can read their minds. 

"Yeah, me either." I say and look down. "I havent seen anyone since I left, just...so you know, you know?" I say and pick at the hem of my jeans along the leg as I sit on the couch with Veda, scribbling her millionth picture for Emmett. 

"I should...probably get going." I say a few moments later. 

"Where?" Emmett says and shifts as if he wants to go block the door from me leaving. 

"It's a little late, so I'll probably just grab a motel for the night so I don't have to drive back in the dark." I say. Because I came clean that I was only two hours away the entire time during our conversation, the way their brows pinched and their jaws hung open. I knew they wouldnt yell at me, even if they wanted to. No, the yelling was resevered for Archer. 

"stay" Emmett says. My eyes shoot to him. 

"I can't stay . I-"

Drew's hand reaches over and slides over mine on my thigh and he wraps his fingers around it. 

"Stay" he says softly. My eyes going from him to Emmett, who nods. 

"I...I don't know...I dont want to impose, and I-"

"Please." Drew says. 

I swallow hard as I look him in the eyes. His eyes almost saying "you owe us." But he'd never fucking say it outloud. 

"Your room is still the same." Emmett says. 

My brows pinch. "huh?" 

I figured once I left, they'd move my shit out, or throw it in the yard and burn it. 

"Archer hates it, but I knew you'd be back one day." Emmett says. "I wouldnt let him touch it." 

My heart bursts, and breaks, and does a whole bunch of shit that has my eyes filling with tears. 

The fact that Emmett believed I'd always come back, that he hoped I would. Then the fact Archer wanted to get rid of my things. Because he didnt have any hope for me coming back. I wasnt sure which was worse. 

Sure enough, when I clean up Veda in the bathroom and brush her teeth, then mine with a spare toothbrush. I tuck her into my queen sized bed and sing her softly to sleep. It looks like it did in here, the day that I left. Even some of my clothes still hang in the closet. Old body mists still on my wooden dresser. Pictures of me and the guys all over the walls. Taken from disposable cameras, and polaroids. I get up out of bed with Veda fast asleep and walk around the room.

Oh god, the polaroids. I snatch a few of them off the wall, and begin my hunt of every inappropriate photo to remove, so my daughter doesnt see lewd photos of her mother with men. 

Each wall is covered, you can hardly see the fucking paint, but even though it's been four years. I remember each photo, and know just where to look to pluck them off the wall. Maybe i'd take them with me, or maybe I'd just shove them in a drawer. But, i wsnt going to chance my daughter getting curious in the morning and taking a look at them. 

Once I've plucked them all off the wall, there's at least fifty of them. I sit on the floor, and go through each one. I can't help that I get turned on looking at them. I loved them then. I loved them now. And I havent forgotten how fucking intoxiating it was to make to them. I havent forgotten a single wild untamed moments, or a single one of the softer romantic moments.

I havent even moved on from the first picture. It's a POV shot, taken from my perspective. Im laid on my back, at the beach. It was a terrible day for the beach, it was cold, and was about to rain , but we loved it because we were the only ones there. My legs are spread, my knees up, feet to the blanket. With their three faces smiling at me. A smirk on Drews lips as hes on all four, holding one hand to my calve, kissing my knee. Then Emmett gripping my opposite thigh and grinning at me.  And Archer....tongue on my clit with his green eyes on the camera as he's laid between my legs. 

I suck in a breath , losing myself for a moment as I replay that entire afternoon. 

I move onto the next photo. 

It's of me and Drew, it's crappy photo, you can hardly even see us. But we stood in front of a mirror, him behind me. The polaroid camera held near my stomach by my hands, as he cups my tits from behind and smiles with me into the mirror. 

The flash drowns out most of the photo, but I see what matters. Both of us smiling , fucking happy. So.. fucking ..happy. 

the next photo is of Emmett and Drew, they're both sitting on Drew's bed naked, giving me a "quit taking pictures and get the fuck on the bed" look. 

The next photo is Drew and me again. I remember taking the picture, riding him. It's just him, his torso and up. He's grinning at me, his arms reached out, on my hips. You cant see it in the picture, but I remember exactly where they were. 

"Put that shit down and ride me baby" I remember him saying as id waved the photo and shook it while it developed . Smiling when I saw the results, then putting it down and doing exactly as he told me. 

The next one is just me. I'm naked, and asleep, in Archers bed. I'm on my stomach, sprawled like a starfish, hogging his bed. The covers are pulled down right below my ass and my ass is the only part of me you can see , other than my back, and a bit of side boob. My hair is covering most of my face. 

On the little strip of white, below the photo, in Archers handwriting. 

"World's #1 Bed Hog" , he'd taped it to my wall himself without me knowing. I found it a few days later and remember smiling, rolling my eyes and just staring at it for several minutes.

A tear slips down my cheek. I fucking whimper as a tiny sob slips out me and  I drop the photo and push the rest of them away.  I had it all, and I ruined it all too. I hurt them. I broke their hearts, as well as my own. And now I've done it again, by dropping the fucking bomb on them, that I had a baby, that THEY had a baby, or one of them did at least. 

I ruined everything by not giving them the chance to choose me and Veda. If I could go back, maybe I'd do it differently. At least I like to think I would. 

I throw my pity party for a good fifteen minutes, crying silently while the others are probably in their room hating me just as much as I hate myself. 

I push the pictures into a pile and gather them, then get up and slip them into the top drawer of my tall dresser. I shove them in the back under underwear that I left here years ago. 

I double check on Veda and then kiss her head. She's sprawled out, just like me. But her hand is curled into a tight little fist, the same way Emmett does when he sleeps. And her little brows are pinched, her little lips tight. She looks angry when she sleeps, Like Archer. Her mouth moves and she mumbles and talks in her sleeps briefly, just like Drew does. I know only one of them can be her father, but it's crazy, how she might not look like a single one of them, but I see them in her all the time. 

I walk to the door, I turn on the little night light near my door, one that Emmett put there for me, because I was always stubbing my toe on the door way in the middle of the night when I'd get up to pee. I turn out the big light and then slip into the hall. 

The upstairs has four rooms, mine and Drew's were on one side, the bathroom right at the top of the stairs. Then Archer and Emmetts room on the other side. 

As soon as close the door behind me, leaving it open a crack. A door across the hall opens and I freeze as Archer steps out. He jumps slightly , clearly not knowing I was coming out of my room. But then he scowls at me. 

and then, we're just fucking staring at one another.

He said some pretty shitty things to me earlier. But im not even mad at him, because I feel like I have no right to be. I deserve whatever words he wants to give me. I deserve for him to hate me. I deserve for all of them to, but luckinly Emmett is a fucking saint, and Drew is closer to Emmett's ability to be understanding, than he is to Archer. Because I dont think Archer even wants to understand me, or why I left. He just wants to hate me. 

I swallow, and decide to try again. 

"Can we talk?" I whisper. 

"I've got nothin to fuckin say to you Valencia." he says, his jaw clenching and he turns, and goes right back into his room. 

When we used to argue before, I would just storm right in there, and tell him to quit being an asshole. Hell , I dont even know what we used to fight about, it was nonsense really. I think we just liked to fucking yell at each other for no real good reason, and then tear each other to shreds having make up sex. We may have been SLIGHTLY toxic, but we definitely didnt lack fucking passion , that's for sure. 

I go to the bathroom, splash some water on my face. 

I dont have the right to barge in there now. Were not together. He has every right to fucking ignore me, and look at me like Im scum. 

Yet, when I leave the bathroom, it's not MY room I go to.