EroticReverie

Archer...One week later.

"she's gonna cry, like fucking waterworks. " Drew says as we all stand outside the room that we did up for Veda. But he's talking about Val. 

I just hum and walk away from the room. Emmett asked Veda what her favorite color was the other day on the phone. The little chubby cheeked girl said "bown" No R pronounced. 

"Brown?" Emmett's had had jerked back in shock, and I heard Val laugh. 

"She loves the color brown." Val keeps laughing as I heard Veda chant "bown bown bown" in the back. Funny enough, that's my favorite color too. Specifically the brown of Val's hair , and the brown of her eyes. Good fucking color , kid. I think to myself. Great fucking color. 

The morning after Val showed up, we all had breakfast, and Emmett and Drew knew I fucked her. Of course they heard it, I hadnt exactly been fucking discreet, or fucking gentle. But they didnt bring it up with Val there, but sure gave me shit afterwards. I told them it was a mistake, that I was mad at her, wanted to punish her. Then they called me a fucking asshole, and I couldnt disagree, because I was. I had been a fucking asshole. 

I'm still fucking mad at her, and I have a feeling that even though that anger might fade away with time, that some of it will always be there. I'll always be mad at her just a little bit, I cant see ever getting over it. 

It was uninamous, we all wanted Val back in the house. We wanted her back, and we wanted Veda too. We wanted the little girl that could belong to any single one of us. Val told us she could move in next week, that she wanted to give her job at least a weeks notice, while also packing up her things. From what I overheard on her phone calls with Drew and Emmett, her roomates were happy for her, and Val tried to offer to pay the rent for the next few months to give them time to find anothe roommate. I heard her tell Emmett and Drew that they told her not to insult them. I wanted to meet these women some day. I hoped I would. So I could hug them and thank them for taking care of Val and Veda when we werent allowed to because we didnt fucking know Veda even existed. So I could hug them for taking care of the woman that I fucking hate. Dont fucking kid yourself, my brain laughs at me. You dont fucking hate her, you dont know how to fucking hate her. 

Emmett and Drew drove the few hours out to Val's a few days this week, to help her pack up. I used the excuse of being to busy to help, but we all know Im just fucking angry and moping still. Even though I told her I still loved her, I couldnt stop being so fucking angry with her. Angry with myself, over how much I still fucking loved her after four years without a peep from her. 

"She should be here in a few minutes." Drew says as I walk downstairs. 

"Yep." I say and grab my keys. 

"Where are you going?" he asks. 

"Out." I say and grab my wallet and stuff it in my back pocket. 

"Come on man, you cant fucking avoid her forever." Emmett says. 

Because that's what I'd been doing the past week. I hadnt talked to her, or Veda. Which made me feel even worse. She could be my daughter, and I havent tried to talk to her, or connect with her. but im so fucking confused, and i feel like im going out of my mind. The girl I fell in love with, that broke my heart, was back in my life. I wanted her here, and didnt want her here all at the same time. I feel like I need someone to tell me exactly how im supposed to feel about this, because I dont know how to feel. I feel everything all at once and wish I could stick to one god damn emoiton, because i cant handle them all at the same time. 

As I pull out in my truck, Valenica is waiting to pull in the driveway. I dont look at her as I pull out and drive past.

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Four hours later I pull along the grass in the road. Not wanting to block Valencia in, because she always used to bitch whenever we blocked her in. Old habits. I should block her in, that was she can never fucking leave again. I take a deep breath, shaking my head, fucking laughing humorlessly as I think about her telling me to keep my big stupid truck in the road, that it took up too much of the driveway, and that I needed to get a smaller truck, and that I had no reason for needing a big truck when I was well endowed enough to not have to compensate for anything. 

I fucking miss her. I've been fucking missing her ever since coming home and finding that fucking letter, and then storming to her room and realizng half her clothes were gone. I miss arguing with her over dumb god damn shit, I miss the temper she reserved only for me. I miss her snarky fucking mouth and tasting it every fucking day. I miss just fucking looking at her. 

I lift my hand to my chest, because im pretty sure my heart is about to fucking explode. I've never loved someone even close to the way I loved her. Not even close to the way that I still do. Because while I may have begun to hate her when she left, i never stopped loving her. Didnt love her a single bit less, the hate was all in my fucking head, because there was no god damn room anywhere in my heart for it, because i'd filled that shit with my love for her. She had every god damn piece of it. 

"fuck" I mutter. I exhale, and cross my arms over the steering wheel and take a moment , taking deep breaths. 

After a few minutes. I get out of the truck and walk up the driveway, and into the house. 

Veda is on the floor, playing with toys with Emmett ,Drew and Val. Val looks up at me and gives me a small smile. 

Did she hate the room? Did she cry? Why wasnt I here to fucking see her reaction? Why was I such a fucking prick? 

"Perfect, about damn time" Drew says.

"damn time!" Veda says and my lips twitch and Emmett and Drew laugh.

"Yeah. we're gonna have to work on that" Val says to Drew , knowing how much this house always loved to curse and swear like sailors. Normally id say fuck the hell off to anyone that told me I couldnt curse, but I didnt really want Veda growing up with a mouth like ours. It's funny as hell when kids repeat things they shouldnt, but also, I dont want to teach her bad habits. Fuck. Im already fucking worried about parenting her right. Im so fucking overwhelmed, and I feel like an idiot because I dont know how to process it like Drew and Emmett seem to be doing. They're fucking fine, they seem fucking carefree , and Im fucking sweating wondering if I'll fuck it all up.  During the talk we all had last week at breakfast, we decided no dating, that we'd settle into Valencia and Veda living here, and go from there. We were just fucking roomates, but it feels like it did before. Val is ours. Clearly. She hasnt been with anyone since us. And we havent been with anyone since her. We were loyal to her even after she ripped our god damn hearts out. How do we fucking pretend were not dying to go back to what we all were to one another? Because, we still are. We can ignore the fact of the matter, but it's still fucking clear as day. The giant elephant in the fucking room. We were never over. She may have left. May have had a whole ass fucking child without us. But we were never really over. Fuck the letters she left. Fuck the four years she was gone. Valencia was still our girl. 

"We waited for you" Emmett says and stands and her scoops up Veda and Valencia stands. She smiles at Veda as she makes a small brown pulsh dinosaur crawl over her face and makes the cutest little dino roars. Emmett is eating it up, smiling . Really fucking smiling. For the first time in four years. 

"Time to see your room!" Emmett bounces slightly and Veda giggles. 

Valencia had told us she planned on putting Veda's bed in her room. Which would be fine for now, since Veda was only three. But , when I'd told Emmett and Drew that she should have her own room, they looks at me like I was a dumbass, since the house only has four bedrooms. 

When I told them what my idea was, they just smirked. Called me a fucking softy and I smacked them upside their heads. And then we started working. 

Drew and Emmett are smiling big fucking grins as we go upstairs. You can tell their fucking excited to see her reaction. So am I. Emmett looks at me, a small smart ass smug smirk, saying "You're welcome" silently , because he knows I wouldnt want to miss it. Even though Id left with every intention on missing her reaction. Because I wanted to believe it wasnt a big deal, and pretend it meant nothing. It was for Veda, not the damn heartbreaker. 

"Go ahead and open the door." Drew says as Val walks to her bedroom door. 

It's almost comical the way she's smiling, and then her face falls with confusion as she opens up her room to not a single change made to it. 

"um.." Val says and the guys laugh and I have to scrunch my face to keep from joining. Val turns and blinks. 

"Wrong door. That one." Emmett nods and Val's brows pinch as he nods towards Drew's door. Well, his old door. Now it was Veda's. 

"What?" Val asks and Drew laughs and opens it and pushes it wide. 

"BOWN!" Veda yells and wiggles in Emmett's hold and he laughs as he sets her down and she runs right into the room. 

The room is warm light taupe color, with fucking glitter in it, because no way in hell would I paint a three year olds room dark brown. Instead of the plain bed Val had for her, we bought her a newer one. A deep brown wood, with little wide steps on the side for her to climb up into it, and a little rail to keep her from falling off the sides.  We bought every god damn brown stuffed animal we could find online and in stores. But we also picked out a few others, and added the ones she already had from Val's house, that Emmett and Drew brough back with them when driving out during the week to help her back. Bringing some stuff back with them each time. 

My eyes shift to Val as her daughter screeches and giggles and runs from one side of the room to the other touching this and that, picking up her new stuffed animals, and squeezing them. Val's eyes are shimmering. I watch her throat work. She blinks. Her lower lip trembles. 

So fucking beautiful. Valencia is the prettiest fucking crier. Prettiest fucking everything. 

"but....what....you cant....where are you staying?" she sniffs, holding back the tears as she looks to Drew whose room is now a brown princess wonderland. 

I watch as Veda wiggles through the door to the small playhouse on the side of the room, that when we bought it was pink and purple. But was now a teddy bear brown with darker brown trim. She fucking loved it. 

"In my new room." Drew shrugs. 

"Across the hall" he says and Veda pinches her brows. 

"what do you mean across the hall?" She shakes her head. Because only my room and Emmett's were on the other side of the hall. 

 "oh, well, I mean, Archer moved his shit to the basement and i took his room. And now Veda has mine. " Drew says with a smile. 

Veda blinks, her head turning to me, and I look away. Pretending to not hear the conversation and focusing on Veda giggling away inside the little playhouse.

A little hiccup come from Val and I cant hold off any longer, my eyes go to hers. Waterworks. the tears spill down her fucking cheeks, that lip i've licked, sucked and bitten so many times, wobbles and she shakes her head. 

"You d-didnt...h-have to d-do t-that" she trips on each word as she cries. 

"It's nothing." I say, then clearing my throat and looking away from her. 

"shut up" she cries. 

My brows pinch and I look back at her. 

"Excuse me?" I ask with surprise. 

She dives for me, her arms wrapping around me, her face buried into my chest. 

"You dont have to live in the basement, im f-fine with..sh-sharing a room with her" she cries. 

"But you dont have to. And im not moving all my shit around again." I say and she squeezes me tighter. 

"It's not like its a dungeon down there. it's all finished now." Emmett says and Val sniffles and turns and looks at Drew, leaving my arms, god damnit. She turns to Drew and hugs him tight too. 

"thank you" she sniffles. 

"it's nothing baby" he says and she turns and hugs Emmett too. 

"Oh, i didnt even have to move any of my shit, but i'll take a hug too" He says and Val laughs a little and thanks him anyways. 

Then she comes back to me and hugs me again. 

"Thank you" she says again. 

"mhm" I say and gently rub her back. 

"hug me, please" she says quietly. I swallow hard, and wrap my arms around her and she squeezes tighter. Her hands gripping the back of my shirt. 

"mommy cryin?" Veda asks and Val turns and wipes her cheeks. 

"Happy cries sweetheart" she says and kneels down on the plush brown carpet with little teddy bear heads on it. 

She hugs Veda tight and looks up at all of us. "so happy" she says, and rests her wet cheek on her daughters head.....our daughters head.