EroticReverie

Valencia 

Drew and I are sitting outside , Emmett has gone off to work, and Veda is playing on the little playground that they put together for her a few weeks ago. 

“You make a real cute fuckin kid , boss” Drew says and my lips quirk at the old nickname he would tease me with. Telling me I ran the house because I had them all wrapped around my finger. 

I smile at Veda , watching her play. She’s always been a happy baby and kid, but she’s fucking eating up all the new attention she’s getting from Emmett and Drew, and sometimes Archer. I’m hoping he’ll become more comfortable around her. He looks at her like he’s afraid to love her.  And part of me knows it’s my fault because he probably thinks I’ll take off again, and this time they’d lose both of us. It makes sense for him to be unsure of letting himself be close to her. 

“I really do.” I say proudly and lift my iced tea and take a sip as Veda yells at Drew. 

“Doo! Wook!” She demands with her little voice. I’d miss those mispronounced words someday. 

Drew looks at her as she slides down the little slide for the hundredth time and her little feet hit the grass and she pops up and throws up her hands like she just completed a gymnastic Olympic routine. My heart feels like it will burst everytime I look at her. I thought I could never love a human being more than I loved Drew, Archer and Emmett. But holding Veda in my arms the day she was born, I knew I was wrong. So fucking wrong. 

She’s still wearing the poop emoji pjs that Emmett bought her yesterday. She’d threw a fit this morning when I tried to take them off and dress her for the day. 

“I’m the poop pwincess!” She’d yelled and crossed her arms and pouted. Thanks to Emmett and his made up bedtime stories. So, I picked my battles, and I had no energy at the time to argue with a three year old out of her beloved onesie pjs. 

“So, I guess it’s time for the discussion we all said would take place months for now.” Drew says and I take another drink, then set down my glass and blush slightly. 

“Honestly, I’m surprised it took a month.” He says and I scrunch my nose and he smiles. 

“Heard you and Emmett last night, and then again this morning.” He smirks. 

I roll my eyes. 

“Kind of hurt my feelings you two didn’t ask me to join.” He jokes and I groan and lift my hand to my face and he laughs. 

Back when we were together , Drew and Emmet were no strangers to exploring bisexuality with each other , as long as they were with me when they did it. I sigh and close my eyes, because thinking about it, is bound to wind me up. I’ve never forgotten how hot it was the first time. Watching them kiss. Watching them touch each other and stroke each other while I watched. They did a lot more than that the more times we all hooked up together. 

“Then you and Archer this morning in the kitchen.” He says and waggles his brows. 

“You’re such a pervert.” I laugh. 

He winks. “ if only you knew what I did WHILE listening last night and this morning” he says. 

“Oh I fucking know what you did, you peeping pervert.” I tease him. 

I swear Drew got off more by watching me with Emmett or listening to me with him and Archer. 

“So, boss, you got two of your men back, you lookin for a third?” He lifts a brow with a small smile. 

I smile back. 

“You know what they say. There’s a crowd. So obviously there needs to be four of us.” I say and he smiles. 

“So I’m just the spare to keep someone company  from being a third wheel?” He asks with a laugh. 

I roll my eyes at him. 

“Come sit on my lap.” He says and pats his lap and I bite my lip. 

Drew has always been the least selfish of an of us I think. He’s always put me first , Emmett and Archer second. And himself last. It’s not that he doesn’t have emotions but he’s the best at controlling them and processing them. He’s level headed and thinks before he speaks and he’s a problem solver and capable of putting himself in anyone’s shoes, seeing things from all sides. He’s a constant. You can count on him for anything , even if he doesn’t know you, if you need help or need advice or anything at all, he’s there for people. 

I lift up , watching Veda as she lays one of her new stuffed animals on its stomach,

Hanging over the small swing and starting to push it. 

“She needs a little brother or sister” Drew says as I sit myself down on his lap. 

“Not you too” I laugh softy. 

“Me too what?” He asks as my legs hang over one side of his, my arm going around his back over his shoulders. And his arm slips around my lower back. The other hand resting on my thigh over my dress. 

“Your roommates are already trying to put another one in me.” I say and he smiles. 

“Which is crazy, considering none of you wanted children. And now they want a second one after only having Veda here for a month.” I say and he laughs. 

“I wanted kids.” He says and I turn my head to him. His chin lifts. 

“No you didn’t.” I say. 

He smiles and nods. “Yes I did. I just lied because you all said you didn’t. And I didn’t want to fuck up what we had.”

“You could’ve been honest with us.” I say and frown. 

“Yeah. And you could’ve have been honest too.” He says and I swallow and nod. Looking down. 

“Not trying to upset you boss” he says and I lift my eyes and give a little smile. 

“So, you wanted kids.” I say softly. 

“Mhm. It wasn’t really a deal breaker for me though. Obviously. I was okay with the fact I wouldn’t have any, but I’d always picture having them someday. Then , we happened, you and us, and I realized I was so god damn happy already that it didn’t matter. And I assumed wanting a kid with you would probably fuck up what we all had. I thought about asking you a few times, but decided against it. Because I didn’t want you to feel like you had to or anything , to keep me happy. So I just, never said anything.” He says and I take a deep breath. 

“I wish I’d known” I say quietly and lift my hand and stroke the back of his head and rub my fingers through the short cut. 

“And I wish I’d told you” he smiles at me. 

“When Veda is down for her nap, I’m gonna kiss you.” he says and I smile. 

“You can kiss me now if you want to” I say. 

“Won’t that confuse her?” He asks. 

“No, but when she sees me also kissing Emmet and Archer, then yes. Probably.” I laugh slightly. 

“Do you….is this gonna be how it was before, or do you plan on ultimately ending up with just one of us?” 

“I want all of you. I’m in love with all of you. I’m a selfish girl, you know that. Greedy too.” I say and his lips quirk. 

“So, she’s gonna have three dads?” He asks and I shrug. 

“I’d love that. But that’s not up to me, it’s up to you and them. Whatever you want to be to her.” I say and rub his chest and slide my hand up behind his neck and take his jaw in my hands and tip it up slightly as I smile at him and bring my face to his. I let the tip of my nose run over his. 

“I’m her dad.” He says and my heart beats harder and I nod. 

“Okay.” I say softly. 

“And your boyfriend.” He says and I smile.

“Yeah.” I whisper. 

“And when she’s down for a nap, you’re gonna do that thing for me that I like.” He says and, his breathing a touch heavier. I smile. 

“Am I?” I tease. 

“I sure hope so, I’ll ask nicely if it helps.” He says. 

I lick my lips. 

“You know I love when you’re a good boy” I whisper and he groans with a nod. 

I don’t kiss him, but I do bite his lower lip, and I do it hard. Not enough to break skin but enough to make him groan. 

When I release his lip he groans. 

“I need to be punished” he says and I lick my lips. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you” I whisper. 

“Fuck, please don’t” he groans and I smile and lick his lip and then suck it into my mouth and moan softly and then bite it again and I watch his eyes roll. 

And again, in this moment it feels like nothing has changed. 

“I’m going to take care of you , don’t worry” I whisper and kiss his mouth.  

——

A few hours later Veda is asleep for her nap and close her door and then go to my bedroom. I feel a little nervous, because it’s been four years and I’m glad it’s been easy to fall back into my old life , or at least a lot easier than I thought it would be. But I’m also scared of how easy it’s been, how comfortable it’s been. Afraid that maybe we’re all getting back into this a bit too fast. But then again, on the other had. I made us all waste four years together. And I didn’t want to waste another day.  

I remove my dress and go to the trunk at the end of the bed and open it. I almost laugh at how many fucking toys and garments are in there. Forgetting just how many things we all bought to “spice” it up. As if being a four person relationship was already spicy enough. 

I pull out a leather corset , a pair of pleaser heels, and a pair of crotch less leather panties. 

Once I have them all on , I pull my hair up into a tight bun and then grab the last thing from the trunk , which is just a leather flogger. 

I pull out my phone and text Drew. 

“You’ve got thirty seconds to get to my room and get on your knees. For each second you go over , is the amount of days I’ll make you wait before I touch you again.” I type and hit send. 

I wait. Listening. Smiling when I hear him slam the back door and then running through the downstairs and charging up the stairs. 

I compose myself, wanting to laugh. But stand back and keep my face locked and trained.

My door flies open and Drew drops to his knees in the door way. 

I look at my in my hand and the alarm goes off for the stop watch a second later. 

“Such a good boy.” I purr and Drew curses a soft “fuck”. Panting as he kneels. 

“Get in here and close that fucking door.” I command and he shifts. Crawling in and turning and closing the door. 

He turns back around and watches me as I walk to the trunk at the end of the bed and close it. I lift my shiny black heel onto the top and then snap my fingers. 

“Get over here.” I say and point to the floor. Drew crawls on his hands and knees and then sits on his haunches. I hold the flopper in one hand, the one closest to him lifts to his hair and grabs it and he groans. 

“Lick them clean.” I say and shove his face to my shoe. 

I already wiped them down from a little bit of dust , and I’ve never worn them outside. Only ever in the bedroom, and mainly just when I’m alone with him. 

Drew liked to be dominant sometimes, and he was good at it too. But he had a kink for me dominating him as well. When it came to toys and role play and trying our new things in the bedroom, Drew was your man. I don’t think there was a single time we had sex where we didn’t include a toy of some sort , and we often role played or toyed around with cnc, among other things. 

His tongue drags from the toe of the heel, gliding along the smooth shiny material and I feel myself breathing harder as he groans as his tongue runs up near the ankle and all the way up the side to where they too of the boot ends right above my knee. 

I release his hair and stand up straighter , leaving my boot there and Drew starts again, drawing a new path with his tongue , groaning louder each time his tongue hits my heels to start a new trail with his tongue. 

It felt odd to jump right into this with him, but watching him obey , watching him lick his shoes, the groans that leave his mouth , I realize that he needs this and wants this , and then when I left them all, I took everything from them. Including the comfort Drew finds in being submissive. It may seem like a silly thing to some, but I know Drew finds control in his life by balancing himself , and giving away that control sometimes. And I took that from him. And I feel terrible for all the ways I turned their lives upside down. 

“Is that how you’re gonna lick my pussy?” I ask him and he nods and kisses my boot near the front where it laces and drags his tongue over those too. 

I pull my heel off the trunk and then lift the other and he groans again and begins to the same to the one.

I wanted to make love to him, to finish the puzzle of the four of us. But that was the selfish part of me. Because making love to me , isn’t what he needs right now. He needs exactly what we’re doing. He needs to gain some of the balance that I took away when I left. 

“You’re such a good boy” I purr softly and then grab his hair and then pull it gently as I take my heel off the trunk and then drop the flogger and reach down and grab his shirt. 

“Arms up.” I tell him and he looks up at me as I smile at him with my lips together and remove his shirt. 

I pause once I hold his shirt in one hand. Looking down at him. 

Lines. Some white. Some pinkish. Some still red. 

My lip quivers and my heart shatters into a million little pieces.  

“Drew” I say. Choking on his name. Tears filling my eyes. I drop the fucking act and get on my knees on the floor. 

“It’s okay” he says. 

Tears rip down my cheeks. As my fingertips lift to his chest. I knew some of those scars. They matched the ones also high up on his thighs. Ones he had when we first met. Self inflicted. From razors or sharp blades. 

I knew him liking domination and pain had more to do with controlling this part of him. It was a safer way for him to find release. 

I’d cried the first time id seen them. The first handful of times I’d been with him intimately was in the dark. I’d fell the little raised lines on his chest and assumed they were scars, but has never asked him about them, because I assumed he was self conscious since he was always making love to me in the dark.

But then the first time I saw him shirtless in the light of the morning when he’d failed to put his shirt back on before we fell asleep, I stared for several minutes. And went into my room and cried. I could tell it was self harm. Could tell some of them were recent. 

I talked to him about it later that day. He was quiet , patient , calm. Tried to brush it off like it wasn’t a big deal. Told me it was never done with intent to end his life, but that it helped him find release.  Then a few days later is when I brought up the idea of trying other ways to find the same kind of release or calls he gets from hurting himself. It was the first day we tried me being his dominant, using my nails to scratch along his chest. Not enough to bleed. Then we’d tried other tools and toys and implements. It made the scars stop appearing. It worked. And I been a fucking fool for thinking I’d cured him. That he wouldn’t resort back to cutting himself after I left. 

“I’m sorry” I weep. My hands shaking and I move, and wrap my arms around his neck and lift my hand to his head and pull it into my neck. 

“I’m so sorry , I’m so sorry”

I cry as he does too. It’s silent. But he’s shaking. His arms wrapping around me as he shifts and sits and I straddle his lap as I hold him. 

“It’s not your fault” he says. His voice cracking. 

He could say that all he wants. He needed me. They all needed me. And I just left. I broke what I had fixed in him. But I’d fix it again. I had to. Wanted to. Needed to. 

“I love you, I love you so much, I’m so sorry” I cry and try to stop crying but I can’t. I don’t want this to be about how much I’m hurting seeing those scars. I want it to be about him , but I can’t stop sobbing and weeping as I hold onto him. 

“I love you too boss” he sniffs. 

I know he wants me to laugh. But I can’t. Hearing the damage I’d done by leaving was one thing. Seeing it. Was another and it was hitting me so hard I could barely breathe. 

“Please don’t hurt yourself , please, please stop” I cry. And I know it’s not the right thing to say to someone. To make them feel guilt for it. But I can’t help but beg him to stop. 

“Okay” he sniffs again. I hug him tighter. 

We stay like that for several minutes and then I’m sliding off him. 

“I just want to hold you, is that okay?” I ask. He nods. 

We both get off the floor and I take off my boots , my corset and my panties and Drew removes his pants , leaving his boxers on and we crawl into my bed and pull the covers over us and I slide behind him on our sides. Slipping my arm under his side. Placing my hands on his chest. Wrapping the other around him to , both hands on his chest, my palms and fingers feeling the faint raised lines and a few newer lines under my hands. I close my eyes and kiss his shoulder blade. 

“I’ve got you” I whisper. 

“I know” he whispers back. 

“I’m sorry” I whisper and fight the urge to weep again. 

“I know you are boss” he whispers and I kiss his skin again. 

“I’m here. Okay? I’m here and I’m not going anywhere ever again. I’m so sorry” I sniff and press more kisses to his skin. 

“Okay” he says softly. His one hand lifting over one of my mine, laying it over the back of my hands and then curling his fingers around mine and holding it. 

“I’m sorry for disappointing you” He says

“You didn’t. Don’t apologize to me , I just want you to be okay” I say and hug him a little tighter. 

“I’m okay now, now that I have you” he says and I press a hard kiss to his back. 

“I want you to talk to someone” I say and he tenses. 

“I don’t need to.” He says. 

“Please.” I whisper. 

“Youre all I need. It’s better when you’re around.” He says. 

“Some of these are new, when is the last time you-“

“Can we please drop it?” He asks. 

I bite my lips together. Tears slipping out of my eyes as I close them. 

“I won’t do it again.” He says. 

I don’t agree to drop it. I don’t say anything. I just hold him for awhile. I hold him till he falls asleep and until I hear Vedas door opening and calling for me. 

I get up out of bed and pull on my dress and shit my door behind me and smile down at my little girl with her messy hair.

“Time to change your clothes” I say and she pouts. 

“No pouting. If you’re gonna wear them tonight. I need to wash them. And I can’t do that when they’re on your body silly goose” I tickle her and she giggles. 

An hour later Drew comes downstairs in a shirt and jeans and I lift my eyes to him and he looks away. Lifting a hand he rubs the back of his bad and Veda notices him. 

“Doo!” She beams and he smiles at her. I’m into sure if he forces it, but it seems real and he walks over and sits down on the couch beside me as Veda colors with crayons on a picture of a turtle. 

“Cool turtle” he says. 

“It for you” she says as her tongue sticks out in concentration and she passes the lines scribbling with a brown crayon. 

“Doo likes turtles” she says and I place my hands on his knee as he swallows hard. 

“Yeah kid, I do” he says and I squeeze his knee. He looks to me and I give him a soft smile. 

“I like turtles too, mommy can I have a turtle?” She asks and I just smile. 

“Maybe one day, we’ll see” I say and Drew watches her. 

I rub his knee in silence as we watch her color and when she’s completed her half colored masterpiece of wild lines and scribbled she pushes the book across the table. 

“Whip it out for Doo ,mommy” she says with excited little claps. 

“What do we say baby?” I ask her as I carefully begin to rip the page out for her. 

“Peas” she says. 

“Good girl, here you go”

I say and her the page. 

“Tank you” she says and I smile and she walks around the table And stands beside Drew 

“Cwose your eyes” she says with a smile and me and Drew both laugh a little. But he closes them anyways. 

“Put your hands out” she giggles and grabs one of his hands. 

I watch her place the paper In his hands. 

“Okay! You can wook!” She says , dancing on her toes excitedly

Drew peeks his eyes open and I watch him give an osacar worthy performance as he pretends he didn’t just sit here for ten minutes watching her color it. 

I smile as he leans over for a hug and pulls her right onto his lap. 

“This is great kid, it’s beautiful” 

“It’s a bown turtle” she says and smiles and points to the page. 

“I see that, I think this is the coolest turtle I’ve ever seen” he says and she giggles and smiles up at him.  My heart stops in my chest at the way she looks at him. The way she looks at all

Of them. So happy and validated by their adoration and attention. 

“I wuv you Doo” she says and I suck in a breath because as far as I know it’s the first time she’s said that to any of them. 

She leans in. Wrapping her little arm around him and tilting her head to his chest and Drew sets down the paper and lifts her up and I watch her little arms go around his neck as he hugs to him. 

“Thanks kid, I needed that, I love you too” he says quietly