EroticReverie

Fawn …..four months later 

“It’s over. Don’t try to contact me. I love my wife. I need to think of my kids. This was never going to end well. But it’s ended now. It’s over. Please don’t text me again.” 

That was the text he’d fucking sent to me. He’d blocked my number. Because I’d responded immediately. And the text bounced back undelivered. 

I cried all night, all week. I knew it was delusional and made me naive to think that one day I’d be able to be with him.  I wasn’t a home wrecker. I didn’t WANT to ruin his family, I’d have happily kept having our affair in secret. Because that’s all it could’ve been anyways.  My father and mother surely wouldn’t be on board with their daughter being screwed by her own uncle. 

I keep trying to forget how much it hurts , and how much I miss him. I’ve gone to the hotel every week, to our room. Waiting. Hoping for him to show up for our scheduled trysts. But he never shows and I end up crying myself to sleep. 

It’s my father birthday today, and my mother is having everyone over. Including my uncle Finn. Including Caroline. I know I won’t be able to sneak away with him, not just because Caroline will be watching us like a Hawk, but because, he doesn’t want to. It’s been four months. And he hasn’t tried to reach out at all. Not even to talk. 

I should avoid the party and stay in my room. But I can’t. I’m expected to be downstairs playing hostess with my mother. 

It’s his fiftieth birthday, so my mother is making a big deal of it. Our family, his friends, our neighbors, some of his work colleagues and business partners. 

I get dressed. Fighting back tears. And I know I shouldn’t , but I wear the necklace my uncle Finn bought me for my sixteenth birthday. The one that had been dangling around my neck the first time we fucked , in his car, when he picked me up from a party. 

It’s a black tie party. Because my mother never does anything casual. My gown is all black. The top is all lace, giving a nude illusion underneath. The lace creating scalloped edges at the top , the sleeves long and tight and off shoulder. The slightly high waist fall down in a floor length gown , with a slit up the side. My hair and makeup already done as I clasp the simple necklace lays around the bottom of my throat, the 2 ct heart shaped diamond rests in the hollow of my throat. 

I slide my heels on , adjusting the straps around my ankles and then take a deep breath and make my way downstairs. 

It’s hours of looking around, waiting for my uncle to show. And when he does, I wanted to run to him. Throw myself in his arms and beg him to choose me over his family. It’s selfish. But it’s what I feel. I obviously don’t. Because I love him. Even if he doesn’t love me back like he said he did. 

I avert my eyes, as hard as it is to do. But he’s so handsome I can hardly stand it. He’s even more handsome than before. Even if it’s only been four months, it feels like forever and seeing him smiling , and Caroline small bump. It’s too much. It’s far too much.  She announce a month ago that she was expecting. I’d cried for hours. Finn told me he didn’t want anymore children with Caroline. That he didn’t want any more children at all. But many times he told me he thought about what it would be like for us to have one together. How he’d have one with me if he could. Then he went and had another baby, with her. 

I can feel the second his eyes find me. I don’t have to look to remember that feeling. I know if I turn my eyes to him, I’ll find them on me. We always said we knew when the other was staring. But maybe that’s just because we always were staring at one another. Honestly, I’m not sure how Caroline or anyone else never noticed it when we were in a room together. 

I avoid looking at him. Forcing myself to pretend I’m not dying inside. I go another hour before my eyes accidentally find him across the room. He’s not looking at me. But Caroline is. Her eyes flick up and down with a little snap of her lips that she quickly straightens among the room of people. Then a small smug smile replaces it as she places her hand on her stomach and rubs her baby bump as she keeps looking at me. She lifts her nose in the air with satisfaction as she sees how much it hurts me. It’s not fair for me to feel this way. It’s her husband. Not mind. I know I shouldn’t hate her. But I do. She has everything I want. He chose her. Even if it’s what he should have done. She threatened him. Threatened me. He had no choice. But, he did have a choice. I’d have chosen him. I’d have chosen to put ourselves and our forbidden affair, if it meant I still got to be with him. But I suppose it was different from his side. He had a wife. Kids. A business to protect, a business he shared with my father. And having an affair would be rough enough on his reputation, but having one with his niece? Having one with his niece since she was sixteen? Yeah. I guess his choice was easier to make than mine. 

I manage to make it through the entire night. Avoiding both him and Caroline. 

I’m upstairs getting ready for bed, my face washed , my silk pajamas on, and taking my hair down , and plucking pins from my hair as my phone rings across the room on my bed. My heart jumps like it always does, before I tell myself to stop being stupid. Every vibration , every ping of text or notification, or ring, over the past four months. My heart begs for it to be him. But I realized after the first month I was pathetic and hopeless and stupid. He wasn’t going to contact me. 

The ringing stops, then it starts again and I roll my eyes and assume it’s one of my friends, probably needing a ride from somewhere, or having some form of a teenage breakdown with their boyfriend or some good gossip. 

I walk over and pick up my phone and my brows pinch as an unsaved number shows on the screen. Probably fucking spam. I silence it and toss my phone on the bed. It goes to voicemail. 

I go brush my teeth and then come back to bed. A voicemail notification along with texts. 

“Please. Answer the phone Fawn.” 

“Please baby.” 

I suck in a breath. 

I lay the voicemail. 

“Fuck.” He exhales hard into the phone quietly. 

“Baby, I can’t….i can’t do this….i miss you….fuck I miss you so much, I shouldn’t be calling you…fuck…god, I need to see you Fawn. I need you baby, I need you Fawn. I’m fucking miserable. I’m such an asshole. I know I shouldn’t be calling. She could find out I’m calling you and she’d fucking lose her shit. I don’t know what she texted you that night, but whatever she said, it wasn’t me, I’m just…fuck, I’ve been trying to do the right thing, but fuck, I miss you so much. I need to see you. I need to see you baby. Please talk to me. You looked so fucking beautiful tonight. And then, the necklace, seeing you wearing it, I knew you still loved me, I love you too Fawn. So fucking much. Don’t call. But save this number. I’ll call you again when I can baby. I love you Fawn.” 

My lips are wobbling and I’m choking on little sobs as I play it again. Again. Listening nearly fifty times before I fall to my bed and keep playing it till I fall asleep.