EroticReverie

Finn Frost

I broke. Seeing her tonight broke me. Broke my heart and broke my fucking will to stay away from her. I knew trying to sneak off with her was out of the question. It was our first time seeing each other since Caroline finding us together. I knew the burner phone id bought two months ago was a bad idea too. The second it arrived. I’d put it in my safe. And left it untouched. Thinking of what would happen if I was caught trying to speak with her at all. But then I saw her tonight, saw her wearing the necklace I bought her, I couldn’t help myself. I left my office door open while trying to call her. A closed door would’ve been suspicious to Caroline. She wasn’t stupid. She has to know seeing Fawn might trigger me to try to contact her. But when Fawn don’t answer I’d put the phone back in the safe and sat back at my desk , pretending to shuffle through papers until Caroline got nosy enough to come see what I was doing. 

She stands in the doorway in her sill nightgown. Leaning against the door way , arms crossed. 

“Youre awfully quiet tonight. Wouldn’t have anything to do with seeing your ex whore , would it?” She asks with a cock of her brow. 

“Caroline, I’m tired” I sigh. “I’m not doing this with you tonight.”

She scoffs.

“I haven’t talked to her since that night. I’m sick of this conversation.”

“Oh well excuse me!” She screeches and throws her hands up and storms in. 

“Excuse me for not trusting my child fucker of a husband!” 

Caroline likes to constantly refer to Fawn as a child. She thinks she can make me feel guilty about it by reminding me I started an afraid with my niece when she was sixteen. 

“Excuse me that I’m not fucking blind! I SAW THE WAY YOU WERE LOOKING AT HER! YOU STILL WANT HER! YOURE A SICK FUCKING BASTARD!” she yells. 

“Lower your fucking voice.” I scowl at her. 

I wasn’t in love with Caroline anymore. Was it fair to fall out of love with her because she caught me with Fawn and threatened me? No. But it’s what happened, because she didn’t love me anymore either. And she fucking shouldn’t. But she loved my last name, my money, being a rich man’s wife and manipulating and black mailing me and having power over me. She wasn’t the woman I married.  But I wasn’t the man she married either. 

“Did you call her? Huh? Did you call your fucking child whore?!” She yells at me. 

I just stare at her. 

“No. But maybe I should since you accuse me of it constantly.” I say and shrug. “Might as well right?”

“Fuck you , you bastard!” She yells at me. 

“YOU had an affair. YOU slept with a fucking sixteen year old ! NOT ME! YOU DONT GET TO FUCKING BE MAD AT ME!” she screams. 

“I swear to god I’ll ruin you Finn, I swear to fucking god, I’ll fuck up your entire god damn life if I find out youre still sneaking around with her!!!” 

“Understood. Now leave me the fuck alone.” I snarl at her. 

“You fucking bastard. You’re lucky I don’t tell your brother what you’ve fucking done!” She grab a paper weight off the desk and throws it at the wall and I close my eyes and take a deep breath. 

“It’s getting to the point where I don’t care Caroline. Listening to you fucking threaten me everyday, is almost worse than what would happen if you told the world what I did. I’m so fucking sick of it Caroline. You either cut it out, or fucking ahead and tell them. I’m done. I’m fucking done. I haven’t talked to her once. I’ve done exactly as you told me to, but I won’t fucking spend the rest of my life listening to your fucking threats. So figure out what the fuck you’re gonna do. Tell them or don’t. I don’t fucking care anymore. But you’re done holding it over my head. I’m not going to live like this, so figure out what the fuck you want to do. Because I’m not listening to this anymore. I’m not letting you blackmail me with it any longer. I cheated. With my niece. A sixteen year old 

We’ve established that four fuckjng months ago and I haven’t touched her or spoken To her since. I’ve let you be pissed at me. Because you should be. I was a cheating bastard. And I’m not apologizing anymore , because I don’t love you enough to care if you ever fucking forgive me. I still loved you. I cheated. But I loved you. And it’s not fair, but you’ve made me fucking hate you more than I’ve ever loved you. I’m fucking miserable living like this. So tell me what you fucking want. Is it me? Do you want a husband and a family ? Cause if so. Then this needs to fucking stop. Because I’m done. I’m not staying with you if it’s gonna be like this. Cause I’m just going to hate you more everyday.” I say as tears run down her face. 

“YOU. YOU did this! YOU made me like this!” She cries as she yells. 

“I know. But you’re not happy. Neither am I. Aren’t you fucking tired of this Caroline?” I sigh and rub a hand down my face. 

“I loved you! I was good to you! I gave you everything! I fucked you , cleaned your house , raised our children , I gave everything to you! I was a good wife!” She cries and I nod and look away. 

“Yes. You were. You didn’t deserve what I did Caroline. I’ve said it before. But I’ll say it again. You didn’t deserve me cheating on you.  I hurt you. I know it’s my fault we’re like this. But I can’t fucking do this. I don’t…I don’t want to do this anymore. We’re not happy anymore. Don’t you want to be fucking happy?” I ask and look

At her as she sniffs. 

“I want my life back. I want my Husband back. And I can’t have him. Because you’re in love with her. I know you are” she weeps 

“I fucking hate you. I hate her. I hate what YOU did to me , to our family, I hate you” she cries and just sit there. Because she’s right. 

“I do love her.” I say and she gasps and jerks back from the desk. 

“But I haven’t gone near her. I chose you Caroline. I chose our family. But what’s it matter? I fucked up. We’re never going to be a family again. No matter if I stay away from

Her or not. There’s no fixing this. Because if I’m

Honest, I don’t want to, because I still love her. I fucking miss her Caroline”

She sobs. 

“Youre a fucking bastard” she cries. 

“I know.  But I’m being honest, because nothing else is working at this point. I miss her. And seeing her tonight was torture. I love her. I’m in love with her. And I shouldn’t be. Because you’re right, you were a perfect wife. I was happy Caroline. You made me so fucking happy, but I was selfish. Because I fell in love with her too. No matter how wrong it was or how much it hurt you. I fell in love with her. And I’m fucking miserable. And I deserve to be. But I’m done living like this. I can’t Caroline. I’m going crazy , and so are you.”

She sobs harder. 

“So do what you have to do, if it’s telling my brother or the entire world, I’d deserve whatever you do. But I’m not going to keep doing this. I can’t. You can’t. You deserve better than this Caroline.” I sigh. 

She collapses to her knees , crying with her face in her hands. And for the first time in months, I love her. Because I’m seeing my wife again. Not the woman who threatened and manipulated me. She’s still not the woman I want, but she was the one I chose for myself in when I married her. 

I get up and walk around and kneel on the floor and bring her into my arms. She lets me hold

Her. Lets me stroke her hair and kiss the side

Of her head. 

“I’ll always love you Caroline. But I’m not happy anymore. I just want to be happy , I want YOU to be happy, and I know I’m not the man that can do that for you anymore.”

“Because you love HER” She cries

“I do.” I say. Admitting again. “I wish I could stop. I wish I hadn’t fallen in love with her, I wish I hadn’t hurt you or ruined what we had, but I can’t stop myself from loving her. “

“I hate you” she sobs. 

“I know.” I say softly.

“Please, love me, love me Finn, not her”

She cries. 

“We can fix this” she cries and it guts me. 

“I love you enough to be honest Caroline, I don’t want to fix this. Because we never will and you know it. I’m in love with her, Caroline. I know it makes me a fuckjng asshole, but I tried to stop loving her, I swear I haven’t seen her or spoken to her since that night. But she’s all I think about. I’m in love with her no matter how wrong it is or how much it hurts anyone, it won’t stop me from loving her. And I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for doing this to you,

To us. But I can’t fucking do this Caroline, I can’t keep doing this.” I say gently. 

“I want to kill you, and her” she cries. 

I say nothing as I keep holding her. 

“I’m sorry Caroline” I say.  “I really am”

“There’s a burner phone in the safe. I texted her. Tried calling. I didn’t speak with her. But I broke.  It’s the first time I’ve tried to contact her. You can punish me by telling whoever you want. But, it happened. And you should know. “

I say and she just keeps crying. 

She doesn’t speak for several minutes. I just hold her. 

“I want to go to bed” she sniffs 

“Okay” I say and release her and look at her puffy tear soaked face. 

“Come with me?” She asks and look down. 

“Caroline” I sigh. We’ve been sleeping in separate rooms. 

“Please Finn, I can forgive you. I can make this work again. I won’t tell anyone. I promise. I won’t , please, please just try, please” she cries. 

“Caroline” I say , defeated. 

“Don’t call her again. Please. Please just try. Try to be my husband , please” she begs. 

“I’ll come to bed with you.” I say. 

She nods and sniffs.

A few minutes later she’s crawling into bed with me after washing her face. She puts herself in my arms and lays beside me. 

“I’d never hurt you Finn, I’m mad, but I can forgive you, okay? I just want my husband.” She says. 

“Don’t speak to her. Please. Let me fix this.”

I say nothing. It’s like she didn’t hear any of what I said. I was in love with Fawn. I am still. 

“Promise you’ll let me fix this Finn” she sniffles. 

“Go to sleep Caroline, we’ll talk in the morning” I say, unable to make promises I can’t keep.