EroticReverie

Fawn 

I shouldn’t be here. But I am. I’m standing in the high rise hotel, top floor, penthouse, the place we’d always sneak off to. Where I’ve been having an affair , with a married man, my own uncle. 

I’m standing on the balcony and looking out over the massive pool, the beach beyond the property, listening to the waves and watching the moonlight sparkle on the water. 

He’s not coming. He said he would. But he’s not. He’s an hour late. I want to be mad, but I can’t find it in me. He shouldn’t come here. He’s doing the right thing. Maybe he was weak , seeing me the other night had weakened him, made him call me. Made him text me again this afternoon sending nothing other than a time. Because I already knew what it meant. What time to meet him here. 

I’m wearing a soft pink night dress. Tiny straps, lace trim, slits up the sides of the already short hem. My nipples prick against the soft fabric as the wind blows strands of hair. 

I’m stupid. So fucking stupid. Not for just having sex with my married uncle and wrecking his home. But for coming here at all. He’s ignored me for months. As he should. Because it didn’t matter if we were in love. We couldn’t continue this. For the sake of his kids. His reputation. For the sake of Caroline, his wife. My aunt. She didn’t deserve what either of us had done. Even if she hated me now, she had every right to. I didn’t blame her. I blamed myself. And Finn. We made the choice , more than once. We made the choice to be messy with our lives , several times. 

But I selfishly wish he had come anyways. I miss him. I miss him more than I knew I could. I should go in there, put my clothes on and go home. Stop being stupid, stop being so naive. He’s doing what he’s supposed to. He’s staying away. Choosing to ignore his lapse in judgement and leave me here all alone. 

A hot tear slips from my eye, I can feel the win roll it across my cheek and I sniffle. My lips pursing angrily. Angry at myself for crying, because I should’ve known better. He’d never choose me. He couldn’t even if he wanted to. 

More tears come. And they fall. And I don’t bother wiping them. I just stand on the balcony where we would sit and talk for hours, before crawling back into the bed and making love and falling asleep in each others arms. The balcony where he first told me he was in love with me. The balcony we’ve had sex on. Made out on. The balcony so high up that it almost felt like another world. One where only we existed. I wasn’t his niece. He wasn’t my uncle. He wasn’t married. Didn’t have a family. we were just two people in love with one another. 

“Fawn.” His voice is soft. Quiet and I think I imagine it in my head for a second before I turn around. Half expecting to see the empty hotel room. But instead. He’s there. My eyes blur with tears. 

He’s wearing black slacks with a black dress shirt and black shoes. Always looking so put together. So devastatingly handsome. I put on his favorite night slip, because in my head , the second I saw him, we’d fuck like animals because of how long it’s been. He’d ravage me. I’d ravage him and we’d already be on that floor. But the only thing I want to do is, the only place I want to be. Is right where he puts me. Crossing the space between us and pulling me into his arms. 

I sob into his chest. My arms going around his sides and I hug him tighter than I ever have as my tears rain on his chest. Soaking the shirt he’s wearing as he hugs me back just as tight. 

“Shhhh, baby, please” he whispers. “Don’t cry” 

But I can’t stop crying and he holds me. Stroking my hair and kissing the top of my head and wrapping his arms tighter around me as I hold him in an embrace I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to end. I don’t want to let him go. I don’t want to let any of this go. 

“I missed you” he exhales and I choke on my cries. 

Was this a good idea? To let him pull me back in just so he could let go of me again? No. But I’m stupid and I want whatever I can get. I just want , him. Even if it’s just for one more night , even if it’s just him holding me. 

“We should talk” he whispers when I just keep crying. I shake my head. 

The last thing I want to do is talk. I can’t do it. I can’t hear him tell me this will be the last time we’ll ever be alone. That this is just closure and he’s giving me up. I can’t stand the way it hurts and the way my chest physically pains me at the thought of it. 

“Baby, shhh” he whispers as I dig my nails into his back and grab onto him so damn tight. 

“Please, just h-hold me” I plead through my tears as he tries to gently pull back. My request has him pulling me back into his chest and then dropping and exhale into my hair and kissing my head. 

He pulls us into the hotel suite, pulls us over to the couch and sits down and I follow, never letting him go. I place myself right on his lap. Straddling him and then wrap my arms around his neck one at a time and then bury my face in his neck. 

“I’m so sorry baby” he whispers. “I’m so sorry, I wanted to call…I wanted to text….i should have…I’m so sorry I hurt you too” he says and I just cry as he rubs my back. 

I wasn’t brave enough to ask why he wanted to meet or what it means that he thinks he should’ve called me. 

We sit there for several minutes until I’m able to stop crying. Him apologizing softly as he holds me. 

He slips his hands to my ass, it’s not sexual, but he grabs it and stands. Lifting me up with him and carrying me into the bathroom where he sets me on the counter. I move my hands to his chest. To his sides. My fingers curling in his shirt. Gripping it tight. Afraid if I’m not touching him, he’ll slip away and disappear again. I’m not ready to let go. 

“Let me clean your face baby” he says softly and puts his hands over mine and I just clutch the fabric tighter and shake my head. 

“Baby, I’m not going anywhere. Not tonight” he says and I sniffle. My lip wobbling. I must look pathetic. Young stupid Fawn. So In love with a man that’s not hers. With a man she’s not allowed to love but does anyways. 

“I’m staying with you tonight. If you want me to.” He says and my eyes fill With tears. 

“Promise?” I cry softly and he nods and takes my face in his hands. 

“I need to clean your face , baby, can I do that?”

He asks gently and pushes my hair gently back and over my shoulders and I nod. 

He rubs a washcloth under the water. First wiping my tears away and the embarrassing snot on my upper lip. Then he grabs a different one. Using colder water. And pats my face with it. The cold temperature soothing to the puffyness of my face from crying. 

I reach out when my hands can’t stand it any longer. And I grab back into his shirt. A small smile crossing his lips as he keeps wiping my face softly with the cloth as he looks at me. My wet lashes blinking up at him. 

“I missed you too.” I say. Trying not to cry again. 

“I love you” I croak. Fighting back the tears. 

“I love you too” he says gently. “Not sure I’ve ever loved anyone the way that I love you” he sighs and I nod. 

“Me either” I say and he smiles softly. Yes I’m young. But I know I’ll never feel this with anyone else. I don’t think I even realized how far gone I was for him till I couldn’t have him anymore. Till I had to spend months crying over him and his absence.

“Where…what…what did you tell Caroline?” I ask and he strokes my cheeks with his thumbs, holding my face now. 

“She knows where I am.” He says. 

“Does she …know I’m here too?” I ask. 

He nods. I just blink. 

“She doesn’t know exactly where I am. But she knows where I am as far as I had to see you.” He says and I swallow. 

“She’ll tell my father…she’ll tell-“

“She’s not telling anyone.” He says and I just sit there. 

“We have a lot to talk about.  You and me. Her and us. I dont know what to do, or how well make it work, but I can’t live without you Fawn. I tried. I really fucking tried. To do the right thing. No matter how much I didn’t want to. And I was fucking miserable. I need you baby, I need to be with you Fawn. I’ve hated my life every single day for months, because I couldn’t be near you. Talk to you. Hear your voice. I’m in love with you, so fucking in love with you. And I don’t care about what I should do or what’s right. Because I can’t fucking live another day with you thinking I’m not dying to be with you.” He exhales and I swallow. 

“We need to talk. But…all I really want to do right now, is kiss you, lay with you, make love to you if you’ll let me” 

I nod. “Yes. To all of it.” I exhale and he sighs and lowers his head and puts his forehead to mine and my mouth parts , my breath shaky as I feel his breath push over my mouth. 

“Let’s go to the bed baby” he whispers and I nod.