EroticReverie

Shay…three months later 

I blink at him.  Just staring as we sit at dinner. On a date. Killian liked dates, a lot. Has taken me out at least twice a week since I agreed to be his girlfriend. And now, he just dropped the L bomb on me at dinner. My fork is poised to dip into my pasta , but it hasn’t moved in the past ten seconds because I’m frozen. 

Love. Such a scary fucking thing. Love. My worst fucking enemy after my ex who broke my heart in a billion pieces. Pieces that this man, has somehow managed to find and glue back together and make whole again. I’ve known he’s been wanting to say it. There’s been moments where he starts to and then either shakes his head or says something else. Because he doesn’t want to scare me. And i think it makes me love him even more. Because I know I love him. I think I’ve known for at least the past few months. 

I’ve tried to deny it, because it’s too scary to admit.  Even silently to myself. And if I’m being honest I think I felt it even sooner than that but kept telling myself I was just being an idiot. Trying to tell myself Killian was the last man I should fall in love with. Kind of shitty of me considering I’d agreed to be his girlfriend. 

“Baby, are you having a stroke?” He asks and my mouth parts. Fuck. He’s trying to be funny. But I can see the hurt in his eyes that he’s trying to mask when I don’t immediately say it back. 

He’s so good to me. He deserves to know that I love him too. I’ve never been treated so fucking well or adored the way this man does. Yet, I’m still fucking scared. Maybe because of how much I love him back. Because I didn’t love my ex at all compared to the way I love Killian. Sure. I’d loved my ex. But not this kind of love. 

“I’m…sorry..I…” I start and my eyes water. 

“Please don’t fucking run.” He says softly and reaches over the small table and takes my hand that not currently white knuckling a fork. 

I shake my head.  “I’m…not” I say and tears fall down my cheeks. 

“Hey, I’m sorry, okay? It was too soon, I’m sorry, please, let’s just forget i said it okay?” He says softly and his thumb rubs over the back of my hand and I turn my hand over and push his hand up and I grab it and bring it to my mouth. I kiss his knuckles as I cryc then I grab his hand and pull it to my face and whimper as he gently cups the side of my face. 

“Baby, look at me” he whispers and I lift my eyes to his. 

“I’m sorry, okay, I won’t say it again, till you’re ready, you just let me know when you’re ready” he says and I whimper again and holds his hand to my cheek. 

“I’m sorry I suck” I sniffle. 

He smiles and shakes his head. 

“Youre perfect baby, alright? I knew I should’ve waited , it just came out.” He says and I shake my head. 

——

We’re at his place, laying in bed and I hate how quiet he’s been since laying the love word on me and not having it said back. I know he understands me , and knows me frankly better than anyone ever has. But I also know him. And know that I hurt his feelings. Everything we’ve done and all the time we’ve spent together the past three months has been nothing short of amazing. Of course he’d say it. There wasn’t anything either of us was doing that would make the other think that we weren’t headed to I love you’s. We were sickeningly perfect for each other and he’d made himself my favorite person in the entire world so quickly. 

I pull on one of his t shirts as he lays in bed, except unlike every other night. He’s not sitting up against the headboard and waiting for me to crawl into his arms. He’s on his back , eyes closed, one hand draped over his middle. 

I stand there. Tears filling my eyes. Wishing I could rewind just a few hours and say it back to him instead of freaking out 

I turn off the big light and sniffle as I walk to my side of the bed. He shifts and looks at me in the dick light coming from the lamp near my side of his bed. 

“Are you crying?” He asks and immediately sits up 

“No” my voice is small and obviously filled with the threat of breaking into a full on sob. 

He’s sitting up now and looking at me. Reaching his hand out. 

“Hey, come here” he says gently. 

“Youre mad at me” I cry. And then swipe the tears as they fall. 

“Why would I be mad at you?” He asks. And shakes his hand. “Hey, stop it, come here” he says as I cry while standing on the other side of the bed. 

He leans over and reaches his hand to my waist and grabs it gently and pulls. 

“Baby, come here right now” he says softly and I move onto the bed and then I’m laying in his arms and he holds me , cradling my head as I cry into his chest. 

“Shhh, I don’t know why you think I’m mad at you, tell me and we’ll fix it okay? Whatever I did to make you think I was mad, I won’t do it again, just tell me what I did so I can make it better” he says. 

“You- you were laying down- you weren’t- waiting for - for me to - come to, to bed” I sniffle. 

“I’m always waiting for you Shay, always baby. This is my favorite part of the day, you crawling into bed with me, falling asleep with the most perfect girl in the world, I’m just tired , I’m sorry I was laying down” he says and I roll my eyes. At myself. Not at him. Because I know I’m being sensitive and over dramatic and that it’s my fault I’m acting this way because I’m just feeling guilty for not giving him the three little words he deserves. 

“I’ll never lay down without you again, okay? I promise.” He says and I cry harder. Because he could be laughing, trying to make me feel stupid for having this kind of reaction to such a simple thing. But he doesn’t. He validated all my fucking feels all the time. Whatever bothered me, bothered him. 

“Hey, please, please stop crying, fuck, you’re so sad and I hate it, please stop” he hushes me and kisses my head and I snuggle into him as we lay on our sides. 

“I love you” I cry. 

He holds me as I weep. “I love you too” I sob. 

“I suck, I’m sorry, I should’ve said it at the restaurant, I’m so sorry, I’m  sorry Killian” I cry and he hugs me tighter. 

“I don’t. W-want you thinking I don’t love you, I do, I fucking do, so much” I cry and kisses my head and rubs my head and my back. 

“I should’ve said it, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I suck” I cry .

“Shhhh” he whispers and kisses my head and then takes one hand and gently holds my face and moves my head from his chest and looks at me. 

My brows dip and I cry as I look at him. His thumb wiping my cheek. 

“Baby, I know you love me” he says. “It’s okay that you’d didn’t say it back right away, alright? I wasn’t mad.”

“You were sad. I saw it Killian. I saw the way you looked at me when I didn’t say it. I’m sorry, I ruined dinner and ruined our first I love you’s” I cry. 

“Babyyyy” he sighs and shakes his head. 

“I wasn’t sad because you didn’t say it back. I was sad because I thought I’d fucked up and was gonna have start chasing you down again, I was sad cause I thought I was scaring you off, not because you didn’t say it back, I know you alright? Which is why I was sad, because my dumbass mouth couldn’t hold

It in any longer and I thought I’d freaked you out” he says and sniffle. 

“You’re not a dumbass” I sniffle and he laughs softly. 

“You sure? You’ve called me that quite a few times” he teases and I roll my eyes. 

“Well….not in this particular instance” I say and he laughs I against softly. 

“Wanna do over?” He asks and pushes his thumb across my cheek and then tucks hair behind my ears and I nod as I look at him. 

He smiles and looks at me. The way only Killian does and I suck in a breath and exhale a bit too shakily. 

“Same. Lose my breath everytime I look at you baby” he says softly and I reach up and hold his hand on my face. 

“I love you , Shay”  he says softly.

“I love you too” I say before he’s even finished saying my name and the smile on his face when I jump the gun this time, is worth the mini breakdown I just had.

“I love you.” I repeat again and he smiles even wider. 

“I love you too” he says with a small nod and then leans in and kisses my forehead. 

I exhale hard and wrap my arms around him. 

“There’s nothing to be scared of with me”

He says softly. 

“I know you’re still scared, but I’m so god damn in love you , I’d never hurt you, it’s impossible, you’re stuck with me forever Shay Adaway. You’re stuck with a dumbass , baby” he says and I laugh and shake my head and then lift my head and grab his face in my hand. 

“I love you so much” I say and he smiles. 

“I know baby” he says. 

I roll my eyes. “How do you know?” 

“Because baby, you say it in your sleep.” He says. 

I jerk back. “What?” I ask blinking with my wet lashes. 

He laughs and nods. 

“Oh yeah, you love me a lot. Have for awhile now.” He winks and my mouth drops open. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?!” I ask. 

“Because, you’d have freaked out and stopped letting me sleep with you in your bed or my bed at night.” He says and I don’t even argue. 

“It’s annoying how well you know me sometimes” I say with a sigh and he laughs and then is moving over me, leaning half

Over me as I roll onto my back and his hand slides to my side and he rubs gently up and down as he looks down into my eyes. 

“How long have I been saying it?” I ask and he grins. 

I groan. “That long?” 

He laughs and nods. “Since the night we made love” he says and I suck in a breath. 

“You also said it TO me ….about a month ago, the night we went out and you got shit faced for Ashley’s birthday” he says and I my jaw drops.

“I missed our first I love you?!” I whine. 

He smiles. “No. You missed yours, I saved mine  for when you’d remember it.” He winks. 

I groan. “I said it to you? You’re sure?” I frown. 

“Oh yeah. I’m sure. Got hard as fuck too.” He says and slides his hand down my side and between my legs and I part them and he smiles and winks at me again. 

“Quit Your winking you smug asshole”I moan as his fingers slides to my between my pussy lips and stroke my clit.

He laughs. 

“You don’t remember it, but I ate your fucking pussy for at least half an hour and kept going even when you fell asleep” he whispers and I writhe. 

“Fuck” I exhale and he smirks and licks his lips. 

“Nothing tastes as good as my pretty girlfriend who just said I love you” he says and then pushes two fingers inside of me , my back arching as I moan. I whimper when he draws them back out and lifts his fingers to his mouth and sucks them softy. Slowly. I lick my lips as I watch him. 

“Except for my Girlfriend who just said it to me sober” he says and groans and sucks his fingers again and then I’m grabbing his face and pulling it to mine and my legs throws itself over him, hooking around him as I pull him

Over me. 

“Make love to me” I moan. “Please, for the love of everything, I fucking need you inside of me right now Killian” 

“Of course baby, you don’t need to beg” he says and then pushes his boxers down and lines up and sinks right into me with a slow thrust. 

“God, damnit. I fuckjng love you” I cry as my back arches and my pussy aches as he fills it. 

He groans and chuckles and gives me another slow thrust. 

“I fucking love you too Shay, have since I started chasing you, I knew you were supposed to mine” he groans softly as he fucks me slowly. Both of us panting and moaning as his cock moves in and out of me. 

“I love you” I whimper. “Fuck, I’m so fucking in love with you” I cry and he groans and kisses me hard and thrusts a little harder as my hands go to his ass and pull him deeper as I buck into his hips, meeting his slow and hard thrusts. 

“God, fuck, fuck me” I cry. “Harder baby, please”

“Anything you want Shay” he says and goes harder. Keeping his pace slow, but thrusting deeper and with enough force to make my entire body move against the bed with his thrusts. 

“We’re so good together” I moan. “Fuck, you’re perfect Killian, you’re perfect” I pant and he groans. 

“There’s nobody else I’d rather spend my time with. Nobody else I’d rather be in love with , I’m so fucking stupid, crazy, fucking in love with you baby, you drive me fucking insane, every fucking second of everyday, i hate that I can’t spend every second of the day with you, work sucks, when life keeps me from you, I fucking hate it” he groans. 

“Youre the best part of my life Shay, I love you, god I fucking love you baby, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I’d go fucking crazy without you baby, god, the way I fucking love you is insane” he groans. 

“Killian” I moan as I cry out. Cumming on his cock. 

“God damn baby, fuck, fuck Shay” he grunts and fucks his cum into me. Hips jerking violently as he slams himself as deep as he can. Filling me as deep as he fucking physically can as I scream and hold onto him , never wanting to let go.