EroticReverie

Sebastian Ambrose….three months later 

It’s been three of the longest fucking months of my life. I’m so sick of the constant stories posted about my private life that I could fucking scream.  I feel guilty because Summers album has been pushed back , her label not wanting to release it yet with all that’s going on. 

Lydia has been a fucking nightmare. I think I knew within a few weeks that this was most likely a crafted sabotage and that she was just fucking crazy. But Summer is the one who told me to let her wait to do the tests after the baby was born. Advocating for another woman she didn’t know , or even particularly like after Lydia started harassing her when the news was out. But because Summer is a saint she always told me no when I brought up having my lawyers try to push for a test sooner. 

I found out Trey had been texting her. Trying to console her. We had our first real fight about that. Her not telling me about it. Even if she didn’t respond. But some the messages were out of line and she should have said something. But I apologized and groveled and regretted making such a big deal about it. I had a possible baby coming into this world and she’s been understanding and supportive every step of the way. And I was being an asshole to her about texts from her ex. I trusted Summer. She didn’t have a cruel and bad bone in her fucking body. I was just so stressed. And I hate Trey. I hate the fucked so damn much. She of course forgave me and accepted my apology.  Even though that happened a month after finding out about Lydia, I still felt fucking awful for the way I reacted. Summer deserved someone as strong as her. And I keep trying to be better for her. Trying to be even a fraction of the perfect person that she is. 

She’s defended me in interviews. Shutting down questions about my past with Lydia or the whole baby thing. She’s become more fierce and even stronger. And I know it’s because of me. Not because I’m the one making her stronger. But because she loves me. Loves me enough to stand up for me, even when she doesn’t do it for herself. She’s as protective of me as I am of her. 

We’re at my house , where we’ve been spending more of our time. Natalie her best friend has been living in Summers house. 

I walk into the main room and bring her a tray of snacks and bottled water that I left the room for when I heard her stomach grumble. 

She lifts her eyes when I walk in and watches me carry the tray over where she’s laying in the corner of the sectional couch. Propped up on a pillow watching tv in a daze. 

“Your stomach was yelling at me to feed you” I say and she smiles. Lifts her chin and I dip down and kiss her lips and set the tray on the couch in front of her. 

“Thank you” she says and grabs my shirt gently and pulls me for another kiss. 

“You’re welcome baby” I say and then sit down on the other side near her feet. 

“Eat something baby” I say as she just keeps staring at the television. She turns her head. 

Today we’re supposed to find out the results of the paternity test. She hasn’t eaten much at the past few days since the healthy baby boy was born. 

She picks up a cracker and piece of cheese and nibbles on them. Not because she wants to but because she knows it will make me feel better. 

“Are you scared?” She asks. 

We’ve talked about it a million times. What I’ll do if it’s mine. If id move across seas to be closer to the baby so I could be a real father to him. But it’s always come down to, I don’t know. That I’d have to figure it out when we know the results. 

“I’d go with you.” She says. 

“I’d leave with you and go with you to London to be with you.”she says for the hundredth time. Like I said, she’s been nothing but supportive. She’s reassured me everyday that where I go, she goes. And she’d move to London, while I become a father to a baby that’s not one I made with her. 

“I know baby” I say and reach over and lift her feet and put them in my lap and rub them. 

Coparenting a child with a woman who’s been nothing but a nightmare these past three months is terrifying and I keep praying it’s not mine. I feel awful. Because a part of me has already accepted that I have a son. It’s weird. That I already love him , and how that love is conditional on him being mine. Makes me feel like an asshole. 

My phone rings and we both freeze. I take a deep breath and then pick it up off the coffee table. Summer pulls her feet from my lap and scoots beside me and holds my arm. 

“Answer it baby” she says gently and rubs my arm. 

“I can’t” I say. Because I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to have my life with Summer flipped upside down. I wanted to live here in LA with her. Wanted to be where everyone we knew was. I didn’t want to break up the band because I accidentally got a woman pregnant. Didn’t want to make Summer leave everything. Because she would. Long distance wouldn’t work with us because we struggled going mere days without each other. I loved this life with her. This would just make things more complicated. 

She takes my phone and answers it and puts it on speaker. 

Silence. 

“Hello?” A female voice says. 

“Hi” Summer says when I don’t answer and just stare at the screen. 

“Oh, hi, this is Doctor Morris, is Sebastian Ambrose available ?” The polite voice asks. 

“Yes. One moment” Summer says and she hands the phone back to me and I take and just stare at it. Swallowing. Trying to anyways. My heart pounding and my eyes closing. 

“Baby, it’s okay, whatever they say it’s going to be okay, alright?” Summer says in the prettiest and softest most calming voice. I look at her and she smiles softly. 

“I love you. Forever.” She whispers and leans in and kisses my lips. 

“It’s okay” she says softly and nods and rubs her hand over my back with one hand and strokes my arm with the other. 

I nod and she smiles softly and I keep looking at her as I speak up. 

“This is Sebastian Ambrose” I say. 

“Hello mister Ambrose , my name is Doctor Morris, I’m the calling from the paternity testing department at Saint Monroe hospital where Lydia Belmont delivered.” She says. 

“Yes. Hello.” I say and Summer keeps rubbing my back. She kisses my shoulder through my shirt  and lays her head on it. And fuck. I don’t want this baby. I don’t want it. I don’t want to be a father to Lydia’s child. And I hate myself for feeling so strongly against this in this moment. I just want Summer. Just her. Her endearing heart and her soft love she has for me, her fierce love and loyalty and I don’t want anything else straining our relationship more than the media and continuing train of Trey bullshit already has. 

“I’ve already emailed over the results just a moment ago but have you had time to review them?” She asks. 

“N-no. I haven’t seen them.” I say. 

“Would you like me give you time to do so, and I can call back to see if you have any questions?” She asks. 

“No, can’t, can’t you just tell me?” I ask. My hands shaking. 

“Of course Mister Ambrose.” She says and I hear distant clicking. 

“Deep breath baby” Summer whispers and rest her chin on my shoulder and I turn my head to look at her. God. If I fuck this up with her , if this ends up ruining us, I’ll hate myself. I’ll never be happy again. 

“Baby” she frowns as my eyes water and it feels like times is standing still and she lifts her hand to my face. 

“We’re gonna be fine Sebastian, okay?” She asks and I nod as the woman speaks and I miss what she says because I’m too busy trying to stop time and just live here in the moment of watching the woman I love looking at me with more love and loyalty than I ever felt before. 

But Summers eyes widen. and she jerks her head to the phone. 

“Are you, are you sure?” She asks. And I blink. Looking at the phone. 

“Yes. The results are hundred percent conclusive.” The woman says and then Summer is holding her hand over her mouth. Tears spilling.  Fuck. No.  No. No.  

But then her hand drops and she looks at me and she’s smiling. Tears rolling down her cheeks and then her smile drops when she sees my face. 

“I.  What? What did she say?” I shake my head and she wipes her cheeks. 

“You’re not the father.” Summer cries. 

My breath leaves me and I drop the fucking phone and pull her to me. 

I feel bad. I feel bad that I’d spent the past three months imagining what it might be like to be a dad. I feel like I knew deep down it wasn’t mine, but I’d still pictured raising him. And now, I’m stuck feeling guilty for being so thankful that I don’t have to be a father, to somehow almost a little sad for the kid that I thought might be mine. 

But I hold Summer so god damn tight as she crawls into my lap. She sobs into my neck and I hold her. God. I grip her so tight. Wrapping my arms around her.  Crying with relief. I get to keep her. I get to keep her. I don’t have to worry about losing her. I don’t have to worry about resentment from her. Even though she’s not the type. Not even close. But all the fucking stress and worries of the past three months are gone and I’m holding the love of my life. And her arms are wrapped just as tightly around my neck. 

“Mister Ambrose?” The doctor calls to me through the phone on the floor. 

“Yeah?” I call out. Crying. Not letting go of Summer. 

“Do you have any questions regarding the results ?” She asks. 

I know she has to ask. She doesn’t know if I was hoping for positive or negative results. 

“Just, you’re sure right?” I ask 

“Yes sir. The results are entirely clear. Your dna is not a match to the infant delivered by Lydia Monroe.” 

“Fuck” I cry. 

“Any other questions?” She asks professionally. 

“No. No that’s all, thank you, thank you” I say. 

“Of course, if you do have any you can always call or email me.” She says. 

“Yes. Okay. Thank you” I say. 

“I hope you have a good day Mister Ambrose”

“You too” I cry as I hear the call drop. 

“Fuck” I cry and squeeze Summer and arrows her hair and grip it in my hands. 

“I love you, I fucking love you”

I breathe hard. Barely able to take full breaths.

“I love you too” she cries. 

“I’m sorry if I’m too happy about the news” she says and tries to pull away a sit up and but I claim her, pulling her back to me. 

“Dont be, I’m so fucking happy”

I cry and she hugs me tighter. 

“You sure? It’s crazy news either way, if you’re not okay you can tell me” she says and then pulls back. 

I take her face in my hands and kiss her hard and she opens her mouth and I groan as I grab her ass and she moans into my mouth. 

“I don’t want a fucking child that doesn’t belong to you, you’re my everything, and I only want a child if it’s with you, I would’ve don’t the right thing, but fuck, I’m so fucking glad I’m not the father” I say as I pant and pull her closer on my lap and she nods. 

“I was so fucking scared, not of being a dad, I know I’d be a good dad, but my biggest fear was you, losing you, I know you’d do whatever you had to for me, but I didn’t want to ever put you in the position, I didn’t ever want to make you regret falling in love with me”

“I’d never regret you” she says and kisses me. 

“I love you, more than anything. You’re my person. My soul mate. You’re my fairytale.” She says and I cry and nod and she wipes my tears and kisses my cheeks and then her mouth is back on mine and she rocks her hips and I groan and grab her ass again. 

“Make love to me” she breathes. 

“For the rest of my life, make love to me Sebastian”